Winning and Losing
- Jerry Clark
- 6d
- 1 min read
A director once told me she won every argument with her teenage daughter. She said it with pride at first, then sadness followed.
Her daughter had stopped calling.
Being right can feel powerful in the moment. Logic provides certainty. Evidence provides confidence. But relationships are not decided by logic alone. I find they are shaped by a sense of emotional safety.
When conversations become contests, connection becomes collateral damage.
Many arguments are not about facts. They are about feeling listened to and understood. When one person focuses on proving a point, the other often feels dismissed, even if the information is accurate.
Courage in relationships means valuing connection as much as correctness.
It takes courage to pause mid-argument and ask, “Help me understand what this feels like for you.”
That question shifts the goal from winning to understanding.
Ironically, I find I listen more when I feel safe, not when I feel defeated.
I have discovered I may still disagree. But disagreement without disconnection is possible.
Sometimes courage means letting go of the need to win so the relationship can remain intact.
Watch for the blind spots.
Get my book, Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. Available on Amazon, BN and BAM.
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