top of page

Need a Tune-Up?

You check your vehicle's tires, oil, and vital fluids for a reason. Unwanted wear and tear can result from a lack of attention.

Marriages, also, require upkeep and care.

Most couples enter marriage with engines revving and then discover that months or years later the relationship is idling, sputtering, knocking, squealing, stalling, or clunking.

Imagine how many breakdowns in love, communication, and patience could have been avoided if a couple had taken the time to address them rather than ignore them.

We put it on cruise control far too often, failing to actively seek to meet one another's needs or communicate our own.

“We repeat what we don’t repair.” – John Gottman

Whether you are just starting out, or you have been in it for a while, I recommend that couples ask these two marriage maintenance questions:

1) What do you need from me that you are not getting?


You used to meet me at the door when I came home from work.

I miss your laugh and humor.

I liked it when we had a conversation after we went to bed.

I miss us eating dinner as a family.

It should be used to strengthen the relationship. Simply asking does not guarantee that you will receive it. However, it does provide each with a clear picture of what is missing.

2) What are you not talking about that we need to be talking about?


I was upset after our conversation on Wednesday.

I was upset when you forgot to call.

I did not tell you how much it cost. I was afraid you would be upset.

I was upset that I did not play golf/go shopping.

Clearing the air about what was said or not said is critical for healthy relationships.

Are you there, can you hear the clunk, sputter, knock, and or squeal?

Don’t wait until the “check engine” light comes on.

Preventative measures let you know if there are any issues that need to be addressed to avoid major problems later on.

I suggest that no rebuttal or excuses are entertained until at least the next day. The possible connection can be thwarted by trying to prove the other wrong rather than listening to eliminate concerns or requests.

Start talking more, sharing more, and living more—keep it tuned up.

Maintaining your marriage requires the same attention to detail as maintaining your car and ensures it runs for a long time.

I hope this helps you travel more happy miles in your marriage.

Keep looking for the blind spots and building a better you.

Feel free to share your thoughts, like, and share these posts.


Scroll down to sign up and publish your comments.

Click "Sign Up" and log in with "your" email and password.

You will receive a confirmation email to ensure it is you and avoid any discrepancies.

Once you are signed up you will not have to sign up again, only log in if necessary.

It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback.

If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below.

Blind Spots in Relationships

What I don't know I don't know about myself

32 views0 comments


bottom of page