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Have you ever noticed the vibrational frequencies or vibes you or others emit? This is a form of communication, where our positive or negative energy frequencies communicate emotions and states of being to others, without words. Have you noticed you can sense someone’s feelings based on the frequency with which they operate? This is not usually conscious but a hidden form of communication. All of us have an energy field. When I walk into a meeting, a family gathering, or my home, I bring and experience an aura around me. Instead of acting on the vibes I desire to experience, I can easily adapt to the vibes I walk into. Good vibes create an environment of joy, peace, relaxation, comfort, and connection. These vibes are easy to meld into. It is the kind of experience where smiles and laughter exist. I call this attractive and desirable. It is a place to look forward to joining, a warm ray of sunshine on a cold, cloudy day where my spirits are lifted regardless of my vibes. Negative vibes evoke discomfort, uneasiness, fear, disconnection, and unhappiness. They produce an aura that is unpleasant, unattractive, and uninviting. They emit tense, gloomy vibes that cause one to want to avoid the experience. Then there are the neutral vibes I experience during peaceful routines or matter-of-fact situations. This is the get-down-to-business aura that neither thwarts nor uplifts my spirits yet can produce calmness and productivity. It is emotionally mature to recognize my vibes and the vibes I enter into. If I can realize my vibes and know which of the categories mentioned above I am operating from, I am equipped to be in charge of myself. Being in charge allows me to survey the vibes I encounter in various settings. I choose to bring good vibes to the party. If I am not in a place to do that, I should announce it and maintain an attractive self. How about you? Do you recognize your vibes and read the vibes of others correctly? Watch for the blind spots. I appreciate your feedback. Please like, share and comment. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships.  Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

Have you ever told a story or something important, and someone blurts out an interruption before you can finish? Interruptions usually appear without thought and create blurts that are frustrating to the one who is speaking yet are such blind spots to one interrupting. One of the most common struggles in relationships is communication. Our language is sophisticated, and most of us are educated culturally and academically. Yet, committing social language errors without recognizing them is so easy. [Blind Spot] These communication errors are more likely to be recognized if they are pointed out immediately. One of the most important things I talk about is safe listening. One of the first questions I ask in safe listening is, “Do you interrupt?” This question usually comes with a yes, while some may admit a little, others will vehemently disagree. Pointing out errors I make in most situations creates a need for me to rationalize, minimize, or justify when just agreement would serve me better. I need to accept this feedback opportunity. When I interrupt, I tell the other, “Just be quiet. What you have to say is just not that important, and besides, you are wasting my time.” It could also be saying, “You are not important.” Either statement is caustic or erodes any opportunity to connect. Interruptions are not necessarily done with malice, yet being right, arrogant, or frustrated comes across loud and clear and creates unhealthy conversations. Sometimes, I ask, “Do you have any idea what they were going to tell you?” If answered correctly, they will say no, yet occasionally, I hear, “I know exactly what they were going to say.” Pointing out an interruption is necessary to teach others how to treat me with dignity and respect. Allowing interruptions is admitting it is okay and enabling them to reoccur. Interruptions can disrupt the natural flow of conversation, cause feelings of disrespect or unimportance, and reflect power imbalances. How about you? Do you interrupt, or do you allow interruptions? Watch for the blind spots. Thank you for your feedback. Please share, like and comment. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

Blame can be a significant blind spot. Rather than accept guilt, I shift the blame or responsibility to another. However, the truth generally surfaces, and the blamer is exposed. When we were young kids, I remember the shame I felt when I was exposed, trying to blame things on my brother Gary. I know I got by with it too many times. How embarrassing to admit this. It is one thing to blame as children because our emotional maturity has not yet developed, but when I blame as an adult, it is a very different story. Blaming, is a defense mechanism that shifts the responsibility for my discomfort, failures, or negative feelings onto others. It shields me from facing my own part in a situation, hindering personal growth. I miss the opportunity to develop self-awareness, a critical component of emotional maturity, by focusing on external sources for my problems. This evasion not only stalls personal development but erodes the quality of interpersonal relationships. Blame is counterproductive to change, because it locks individuals and relationships into an equilibrium where growth is stifled by the refusal to acknowledge personal responsibility. Change requires a recognition of my contributions to the present state, both personally and within relationships. Only through this recognition can effective strategies for improvement be devised and implemented. Blame affects how others perceive me. Habitual blaming is a turn-off to others because it signals an inability to take responsibility. Blame erodes personal, professional, and social relationships which thrive on trust and respect. Blame hinders personal growth, impedes positive change, and damages relationships. Choosing not to blame takes courage and self-reflection, which leads to greater emotional maturity, healthier relationships, and more authentic engagement with the world. Looking back at my use of blame, I feel embarrassed, yet I could not change what I didn't know I didn’t know. [Blind Spot] How about you? Do you watch for your use of blame? Watch for the blind spots. Thank you for your feedback. I appreciate your kind words and please like, share, and comment. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships.  Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

How can I enjoy what I want if I can’t enjoy what I have? Now, this is a sobering question. Can I ever be satisfied or content? My world is rich with opportunity. I am not a refugee fleeing from war; my country is not under physical attack. I don’t suffer from hunger or physical afflictions. (Well, if you don’t count getting much older.) Yet how can I enjoy what I want if I cannot be satisfied with what I have? I need to appreciate what I have more. It’s not everything I want but what I have is pretty darn comfortable. I should look around me to see all the things that give me small joys: the soft fur of my dog, a kind word from a friend, my eyesight, and hearing. I need to look for the beauty in the here and now. I find it easy to overlook the things that excited me long ago. What a privilege it is to be able to drive, yet do I let myself be enamored by it? Probably not. Do I take for granted the taste and pleasure of a hot or cool drink in the moment? What would it be like if the nuisance of my Corgi’s barking was silenced by her not being here? Ouch! What if I could only have what I have now? How can I live in the present and find joy? Please don’t get me wrong; I love to look to the future with hopes and dreams. I want life to get better and continue to create great things for myself and others. How do I let go of what I don’t have and truly enjoy what I do have? My life is a delicate dance between desire and satisfaction. I can reach for the stars while appreciating the ground beneath my feet. Satisfaction isn’t always about grand achievements; it’s often found in small, everyday moments. How about you? Is there a balance between what you have and what you desire? Watch for the blind spots. Thanks for your feedback. I appreciate it. Please like, share and comment. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

I often assisted my dad in whatever he was doing. I loved my dad and loved being around him. Don't get me wrong; he could sometimes be as tough as nails. I recall laughter as a boy as a release of stress and tension. I was a pretty anxious young boy. I was perceptive and could read situations easily. I knew when to engage or escape, depending on the circumstances around me. I recall a time when we were moving to Lake Nasworthy. The house was incomplete, and Dad was a handyman. He decided to place the sheetrock, and I was his helper. The walls were easy. When we did the ceilings, it was very different. Dad had built a scaffold that was just tall enough for me to stand on my tip toes and get my end of the sheetrock high enough to nail it in. When I would get tired, I would begin to laugh, which caused Dad to laugh. We dropped several sheets of sheetrock that day. This was not a laughing matter, but working with him was so much fun. If he were here today, we could talk and laugh about that time many years later. This is a great memory. I recall he or I would accidentally bang our finger or hand with the hammer, and it would cause us to laugh. Sound crazy? Perhaps it was, but it was better than crying and just as relieving. Dad and I had many wonderful experiences. I love to laugh, especially with friends and family. I rarely get off the phone with my two sisters or a great friend that we haven't talked about old times with a crazy amount of laughter. I have so many funny memories. Laughter is often considered good for the soul due to its psychological, physical, and social benefits. Its ability to reduce stress, connect people, and create a positive outlook on life makes it a powerful mechanism for improving overall quality of life and enhancing one's sense of soulful well-being. How about you? Are you laughing enough? Watch for the blind spots. Thank you for your feedback. I appreciate it. Please like, share and comment. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

Often, it is easy to say, "I'm not going to say anything because that would just cause more problems." The problem with withholding conversation is that it is easy to assume what the other is experiencing or thinking, and we are poor mind readers at best. The unspoken words often carry more weight than the spoken words. This truth underscores a paradox: While communication is the cornerstone of healthy relationships, withholding information, not what we express, sows the seeds of misunderstanding, resentment, and conflict. Silence, or the act of withholding communication, can manifest in numerous ways: the unresolved argument that lingers in the air like a heavy fog, the unexpressed affection that withers in the heart, or the unshared pain that deepens the solitary burden. Each of these silences is a barrier to intimacy, creating a buffer zone where misunderstanding flourishes and connection fades. The irony lies in our belief that silence can sometimes protect us or our relationships from harm. In reality, it often does the opposite. Non-verbal cues, too, speak volumes. The sighs, the turning away, the slight tension that lingers in the air— these signals often carry a subtext that is missed or misinterpreted. The danger is that, over time, these unaddressed feelings and needs accumulate, building an invisible wall that can eventually seem insurmountable. Sometimes, the fear of vulnerability is a significant factor driving us to silence. Sharing our deepest fears, desires, and insecurities exposes us to potential hurt and rejection. However, it is precisely through this sharing that relationships deepen and grow. Vulnerability fosters empathy, connection, and understanding, serving as the antidote to the poison of silence. "The story I am telling myself is..." Brene Brown uses this opener to break the ice of silence. Telling the story of what I am thinking or feeling is a beautiful way to engage in a non-threatening manner. When I talk about myself, there is very little room to argue. How about you? What are your unspoken words? Watch for the blind spots. Thanks for your feedback. Please like, share or comment, I appreciate it. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

It is very evident to me how easily I become defensive when I am told something negative about myself. I spent many of my earlier years denying or refuting words that I felt might cause me to look bad. I wanted to rationalize, minimize, or justify pejorative words, especially from anyone important in my life. I see this playing out in my office on a daily basis. One person makes a negative comment and the other rushes to defend or attack. This is a major blind spot that permeates relationships causing destruction and separateness. It is cultural to defend negative comments making it even more of a blind spot. If someone perceives me as offensive in any manner and I don’t attempt to rectify it, I will continue to push them away. Pointing out negative things in each other can be complementary. Yes, you read that correctly. To identify negative actions or behaviors of others can cause change that allows closeness rather than distance. This calls for planning and consideration. If one person can bring attention to another's offensive behavior, it can benefit both parties. It is common for many people to respond negatively or with opposition to remarks made in an offensive or defensive manner. Defensiveness or attack causes emotional reactions that leave little room for a strategic rebuttal. If I am operating out of my emotions, my intellect is poorly employed. If there is a fear of losing a relationship, defensiveness may be a natural reaction to avoid conflict and show the other they are incorrect and therefore remain in their good graces. Today I see no reason to be defensive when negative comments are thrown my way. It is not easy to allow them to go past me into thin air, yet it does me little good to attempt to convince someone they are wrong. When I don’t defend my position, the conversation doesn’t last.  I chose to be clear, consistent, and not convincing. How about you? Is defensiveness in your arsenal? Watch for the blind spots. Thanks for your feedback, I appreciate it. Please like, share and comment. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

Tim Sanders's book, The Likeability Factor, is simple yet complex. The summary is that likable people succeed. This sounds like a simple principle, yet when I look at myself, I see all the good things I can find. Therefore, I must be likable. [Blind Spot] Sure, I am good at some things that cause me to be likable, but what am I doing that causes me to be unlikable? I play many roles in life. I am good in some of these roles but not in others. It is the 'others' that I need to become aware of because there are blind spots that I can't see or choose not to see. How many times have I heard words that would lead me to become more likable, but because they were non-complementary, I discounted them? Words like angry, loud, know-it-all, Mr. Right and many more. You know, the ones we disregard because they are not complementary. These are the words people who love and care about us tell us. They say it not to complain but to make us better people, and easier to be around. Wow, that is so hard to hear. Yet, being able to listen effectively can make us more likable. Here are several key qualities and behaviors that tend to make a person likable in any setting: Empathy and Understanding Reliability and Competence Positive Attitude Good Communication Skills Respectfulness Collaborative Spirit Humor and Light-heartedness Adaptability And Integrity Humility Friendliness and Approachability Resolving Conflicts Amicably I want to nurture a space where everyone feels valued, supported, and connected, making my home, work, and neighborhood a true sanctuary for all. To be likable, I don't have to give up my beliefs or be too agreeable; it just means having good, respectful, and meaningful interactions with people. How about you? Where are you on the likeability scale in the many roles you play? Watch for the blind spots. Thanks for your feedback, please like, share and comment. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

It will be okay." My dear mom spoke these words of comfort and wisdom. It seems that as a young boy, Mom's words were the best. When I was banged up physically or hurt emotionally, Mom was there with these words, and it did get to be okay. Things did not always turn out how I wanted, yet they were okay. Sometimes, it is impossible to see that it is okay in the moment. Time has a remarkable way of healing life's pains and skinned knees. Hearing these words provided me with emotional comfort and caring about my well-being and showed me I was not alone in facing my challenges. I was reminded that difficult situations are temporary and that better times lie ahead. It helped alleviate feelings of despair or hopelessness. During these challenging times, losing perspective and becoming overwhelmed by negative thoughts was easy. Hearing these reassuring words helped to shift my perspective, reminding me that setbacks are a normal part of life and I have the strength to overcome them. All I needed was validation that what I was going through was normal and that my feelings were understood. Hearing "It will be okay" can help reduce stress and anxiety. When stressed, our bodies produce cortisol, a hormone associated with the fight-or-flight response. Reassurance helps to calm the nervous system, reducing cortisol levels and promoting relaxation. Mom's reassuring words empowered me to act and move forward, reminding me that I could overcome challenges and that I was not powerless in the face of the unknown. Over time, hearing reassuring words helped build resilience, enabling me to bounce back more quickly from setbacks and cope more effectively with future challenges. Oh, how I would like to hear her say those precious words today. I still carry them in my heart, and when adversity comes my way, I silently say to myself, "It will be okay." Thanks, Mom; this is only one of the many gifts you left with me. How about you? Do you need to say or hear my mother's words? "Yes, it will be okay." Watch for the blind spots. Thank you for your feedback. Please like, share and comments. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

My life is a journey along a highway, with smooth stretches and unexpected potholes dotting the path. While it's natural to yearn for the ease of cruising along smooth roads, the potholes remind me of the reality of the journey. Smooth highways represent moments of comfort, stability, and ease. They symbolize periods in my life when everything seems to fall into place, when challenges are minimal, and when I feel a sense of flow and contentment. During these times, I may take these blessings for granted, basking in the comfort of familiarity and predictability. However, loss, pain, disappointments, and circumstances out of my control remind me that the journey is not always smooth. These are the unexpected obstacles, setbacks, and challenges that inevitably arise. These potholes can shake me to the core, leaving me disoriented and vulnerable. Yet, amidst the discomfort and adversity lies strength and comfort in the arms of Jesus. Potholes force me to slow down, confront my weaknesses, reassess my priorities, and tap into my reservoir of faith. They remind me that I am not in control. Just as darkness accentuates the brilliance of light, the potholes amplify my gratitude for the gifts of peace and joy in my life. It is through encountering potholes that I have learned to appreciate the smooth ride. The contrast between the rough patches and the smooth stretches highlights the beauty of both experiences. Each pothole becomes a lesson in resilience, humility, and gratitude. They teach me to cherish the moments of calm amidst life's storms, find strength in Jesus, and embrace the journey's unpredictability. As I navigate life's highways, encountering potholes along the way; let me greet them with openness and gratitude, knowing that I am not in charge. Through embracing Jesus, I can discern my response to these interruptions. How about you? Do you hold on to your faith while experiencing the potholes of life? Watch for the blind spots. Thanks for your feedback, it is invaluable. Please like, share and comment. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships.  Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

Too often, I have said or done something with my best intentions only to find that it offended someone. Ouch! I recall times when I used humor to create a joyful experience or atmosphere and it fell flat. Intent versus impact is a delicate balance. It's the interplay between what I intend to convey or achieve and how others perceive my words and actions. Often, this creates a significant gap. I believe my intentions are clear and noble. I think I act with kindness, offer advice with sincerity, and express opinions with the best intentions. My actions align with my values, and my words reflect my true thoughts and feelings. I perceive myself as empathetic, considerate, and well-meaning. I expect others to perceive me the same. [Blind Spot] What I intend to communicate is often times different from what others receive. Despite my best efforts, misunderstandings can arise, feelings can be hurt, and conflicts can emerge. My well-intended comments may be perceived as insensitive, my constructive criticism as harsh, and my humor as offensive. This conflict between intent and impact becomes particularly evident when I receive feedback from others. It's humbling to realize that despite my intentions, my actions have consequences that I may not have anticipated. Feedback serves as a mirror, reflecting on how others perceive me. It provides valuable insights into areas where I may need to adjust my behavior or communication style to align more closely with my intentions. This feedback is the critical mechanism that highlights my blind spots. To dismiss it is to fail. To employ it is to flourish. Reconciling these differences between self-perception and external perception requires humility, self-awareness, and a willingness to listen and learn from the perspectives of others. Rather than dismissing feedback or becoming defensive, I can use it as an opportunity for growth and self-improvement. I strive to bridge this gap with grace and compassion for myself and others. How about you? Does your intent reflect your impact? Watch for the blind spots. Thanks for your feedback. Please like, share and comment. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

In relationships, "why" can be a substitute for "Prove to me, but I bet you can't." I call “why” the worry question. Questions like: Why are you late? Why are you telling me this? Why didn't you call? Why questions display an attitude of emotional frustration. Why questions in relationships have unhealthy energy that shifts to another? This little three-letter word can create unnecessary stress and anxiety. Continuing to ask "why" can indicate a lack of mistrust that erodes the relationship's foundation. Instead of openly discussing feelings and concerns, it is easy to get stuck in a cycle of interrogation, making the other feel defensive and less likely to communicate openly. I expose my insecurity when I ask why excessively. It can indicate a need for reassurance or validation, which, if not appropriately addressed, can become a source of tension in the relationship. Constantly asking "why" can lead to micromanaging my partner's actions and decisions. This can suffocate and make your partner feel continually scrutinized, which is not conducive to a healthy relationship dynamic. Substituting "How come?" or "Help me understand" is a gentle and engaging question rather than caustic or repelling. These types of questions open communication because they do not initiate defensiveness. I disclose my concerns by talking about myself, which fosters connections, rather than asking why. Instead of saying, "Why are you late?" I could say something about myself, "I'm glad to see you. I was worried. I was making up a story about you being in an accident or forgetting me. Isn't that amazing?" When I worry, I can make up the darndest stories. This kind of conversation promotes connection, builds relationships, and allows me to be honest about my concerns rather than cause defensiveness and separateness. How about you? Would you be willing to substitute a conversation about yourself rather than put the other on the defensive by asking “why”? Watch for the blind spots. Thanks for your feedback. I appreciate it. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp