Jerry Clark
- Aug 5, 2022
- 3 min
Tiny steps consistently over time lead to success.
Go big or go home. We have all heard it, tried it, or failed at it. Truth be told too many times when you "go big or go home" you often end up at home. I see it in my office often, people convince themselves that massive success requires massive action. Instead of taking it one step at a time, they force themselves into unrealistic improvements believing it will get them there faster. This is the tortoise and hare story. People who have achieved greatness have learned a cruci
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Jerry Clark
- Aug 3, 2022
- 4 min
Defensiveness
My friend Paula made this comment on the “Blame” post: “This is a great one! Would you please do a blind spot post on defensiveness? While reading this (post on Blame), I imagined addressing the blame issue with someone, but they might get very defensive, and bringing a blind spot to someone's attention might go awry. And maybe my own, trauma-driven, response to having to always defend myself, ha-ha. If someone brought to my attention a blind spot, I might have a knee-jerk re
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Jerry Clark
- Jul 14, 2022
- 2 min
Self-built glasshouses of pain
We put up walls to keep the pain out and wind up cementing the hurt in. We keep emotional pain inside and build walls around us thinking it will keep us safe, secure, and protected. We learn to expect little from others, and we settle for not expressing our emotions because talking about them makes us feel vulnerable. We may have felt betrayed, loss of trust, or have had our hearts broken. As these experiences happen, we begin brick by brick to build emotional walls of self-p
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Jerry Clark
- Jul 12, 2022
- 2 min
Trust is the cement...
Riddle me this—what takes effort to build, is easy to ruin, and is essential to any emotionally healthy relationship? TRUST. Trust is the cement of relationships. It is the foundational principle that holds it all together and is an indispensable component in effective communication. To trust someone means you can depend on them, are comfortable confiding in them, and feel secure with them. Without trust, it can be hard for relationships to grow and progress to a deeper level
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Jerry Clark
- Jun 19, 2022
- 2 min
Once upon a time...
Once upon a time, an old Cherokee told his grandson about a great battle he would face. The grandson sat down to listen. He was eager and curious – what was the great battle he would face? “My grandson,” he began, “The battle is between 2 wolves that live inside you.” “One is Evil—anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” “The other is Good—joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kin
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Jerry Clark
- Jun 16, 2022
- 2 min
Let me tell you what I need from you...
“Let me tell you what I need from you before I tell you what I’m gonna to tell you.”
—Jerry D Clark When you begin to talk and do not declare what you need from the listener, it can create chaos and disconnection. If your desire is to vent and get things off your mind, but the listener thinks you need to be fixed or receive suggestions to take care of your situation, anxiety will arise. Telling what you need will give both directions for a healthy conversation. It allows fo
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Jerry Clark
- Jun 12, 2022
- 2 min
got blinders?
I got to thinking about horses wearing blinders. Blinders keep horses narrowly focused on the task or road ahead. It reduces their field of vision so they do not get easily distracted or spooked. Blinders can prove enormously useful…or become problematic, which is precisely why they were made for horses and not humans. But you've heard of someone described as "having blinders on?” When we wear blinders we cannot see what’s going on around us or behind us, it limits the view t
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Jerry Clark
- Jun 9, 2022
- 2 min
Turning frustration to fascination
Think of the last time you were disrupted by something outside of your control. It might have been bumper-to-bumper traffic, being late for an appointment, someone cutting in line, or being convinced that the slow driver in front of you is doing it on purpose. How did you respond? We are going to have challenges or adversity to deal with, usually when we least expect it or least want it. “You will learn more being fascinated by life than you will being frustrated by it.”
—Ji
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Jerry Clark
- Jun 7, 2022
- 2 min
The tip of the iceberg...
I observe often that we do not talk in-depth enough, we talk on the surface and too much information goes unspoken. We hit the highlights thinking that is enough to build the personal relationships we desire. [Blind Spot] I call this “Iceberg Communication.” If you remember your science, only about 10% of an iceberg is above the waterline. 90% of the iceberg is under the waterline. Imagining our communication is the iceberg, the ‘words’ we are using and our ‘actions’ are visi
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Jerry Clark
- Jun 5, 2022
- 2 min
Who writes the script?
In today’s world, letting go for some parents is extremely difficult. I firmly believe parents do the best they know how to do with the idea of launching their young adults to be safe and productive citizens. In my practice, I love to paint a scenario of their son or daughter graduating high school. It’s a celebratory outdoor party with great food, laughter, and festivity. All the friends, family, and the graduate’s friends are present. The graduate stands up at one point, ta
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Jerry Clark
- Jun 3, 2022
- 1 min
Backyard Chat podcast
Recently I got to speak on Backyard Chat Podcast | @cbgumc with Melissa Harrison, Children’s Ministry Director, and Karen Tyler, Associate Pastor “The Experience.” They are equipping parents to take in God’s Word and live it out in their everyday life. It was a pleasure to be on the podcast and share about “Blind Spots in Relationships What I don’t know I don’t know about myself.” Part 1 Episode https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-2vk54-1223ca0 Part 2 Episode https://www.podbean.co
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Jerry Clark
- May 29, 2022
- 2 min
Build a better family
How do you build a family that meets life head on with strategic and intentional purpose? Families are complex social systems consisting of individuals with unique interpersonal struggles. As parents, there must be a clear line of communication and no competition between them. There must be understanding, support, common goals, and the ability to recognize their own strengths and weaknesses, melding them into a common future that unites and does not divide. Here are principle
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Jerry Clark
- May 26, 2022
- 2 min
Parents are the pinnacle of the household
Kids should be allowed to ‘go between’ parents but never allowed to ‘come between’ them. It seems almost innate for a child to ask one parent for something and if they do not get what they want, go to the other parent. Parents cannot be split in the decision-making process. When parents are not in harmony, requests by the children can cause parental conflict, allowing the child to get their way while the parent's debate, argue, fight or walk away and say nothing. In certain s
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Jerry Clark
- May 24, 2022
- 2 min
Good thoughts vs bad thoughts
I find that I get in my own head sometimes, and that can be a lonely place to be but it can also be a reckless place to be. Especially if I am consumed by negativity, it can be very hard to make good decisions. Without feedback, my thoughts, emotions, beliefs, and what I think I know, can get me into trouble quickly if I don’t stop them from taking over. Researchers have found that the average person has 50,000+ thoughts daily. And of the “daily” thoughts, a staggering 80% is
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Jerry Clark
- May 22, 2022
- 2 min
A bubbling cauldron of anxiety...
Have you found yourself in a misguided argument that got out of hand? Couples come into the office and they have been fighting all weekend about whose turn it was to turn out the light. “Well Jerry, it was her turn to shut off the light, I turned it out last night.” “Oh my gosh!" throwing her hands up. "No, no it wasn’t, I turned it out,” she will say exasperated. It can happen so easily and the thing that I see—it’s not really about the light?! [Blind Spot] I call it a 'bubb
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Jerry Clark
- Apr 14, 2022
- 2 min
Emotionally Constipated
With no teaching or training in emotions growing up, in school, or in the Marine Corps, I pushed through life emotionally unaware. Not knowing how to effectively express emotions and share feelings, caused me to be completely blind to how they were impacting my choices, actions, and behaviors. I was ill-equipped to handle being a husband and father, and after 13 years, my first marriage failed. I attempted counseling but it was not for me, and it didn’t work. I did not recogn
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Jerry Clark
- Apr 12, 2022
- 2 min
When you don't know what you don't know
So there you are, and all of the sudden you hear ‘that song’ that reminds you of ‘that person.’ And you are emotionally hijacked—just like that. Good or bad, the song interacts with the emotions you have connected with it and it bugs you all day long. “How could they leave?”, “What did I do?”, “Could things have been different?” Or perhaps you walk into work and, without you realizing it, you are put off by a coworker's expression because it makes you think of your father whe
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Jerry Clark
- Apr 10, 2022
- 2 min
Yep, blind spot
Did your mom or dad ever scold you as a kid and tell you they don’t know why you are so hot-headed —as they are screaming at you for being hot-headed? [Blind Spot] Maybe you have told your friend that they always seem to be distracted on their phone when you are trying to talk to them — while you are in the same habit of scrolling through your phone as they talk. [Blind Spot] When you hear something over and over again from different people and in different contexts, it is th
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Jerry Clark
- Apr 7, 2022
- 2 min
Blind Spots like a Mac Truck
Blind spots are the Mack truck that drives through your life, revealing your weak spots, and limitations and humbling your reactions. I was in a conversation with a very dear friend on the way back from a trip. We discussed many situations and things we had experienced in a seminar attended that weekend. In the midst of the conversation, he said, “You know, you have very limiting beliefs.” WHHAAAAT?! I was immediately defensive and began to read him the riot act on how he was
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Jerry Clark
- Apr 5, 2022
- 1 min
...into the "looking glass"
"If you’re interested in “building a better you”, the dynamics in Jerry Clark’s book will definitely be a good beginning on your journey to self-awareness and building more positive relationships in your life. The author invites us to take a good look at our reflections in the mirror, in fact, he even encourages the reader to take a step into “the looking glass”, to explore the myriad of opportunities we all have in our lives. Well written, entertaining, and insightful…"Blind
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