Search Blog

Did your mom or dad ever scold you as a kid, yelling at you for being hot-headed—while they were in the middle of a heated rant themselves?   Maybe you’ve called out a friend for always being on their phone when you're talking to them—yet you find yourself doing the exact same thing.   Do you hear something about yourself repeated by different people in different situations?   Yep blind spots.   While blind spots are often associated with negative situations or limitations, they can also involve your strengths.   Perhaps people often compliment your smile, generosity or positivity—friends, coworkers, even your dentist—but you shrug off the praise every time. Yep blind spot.     Blind spots are tricky because you’re unaware of them until something triggers  your awareness —like feeling stuck or recognizing behaviors you’d rather avoid.   Being ‘blind’ to how you’re perceived, or ‘blind’  to who you truly are because of old wounds, can keep you from seeing yourself completely. Recognizing blind spots is essential for personal growth. No matter how often I was reminded to check my blind spots, I couldn’t see them —at least not on my own.  I needed trusted people to help me identify these hidden areas.   How about you? Are you ready to discover what you don’t know you don’t know?   Watch for the blind spots.       Feel free to share your thoughts, like, and share these posts. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships .  Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

"Silence is one of the greatest arts of communication.” ~Marcus Tullis Cicero Have you ever pondered the idea of silence being an art of communication?   Our world is full of the chatter and clatter of words that go back and forth. It is so easy to think of healthy conversation as word swapping. Have you ever found yourself formulating a reply while the other speaks to you?  I know I have. It seems to be a culturally accepted way to engage in today's conversations. [Blind Spot]   Silence in a conversation opens the value of connection. Listening is an unfamiliar skill.  Remaining silent can seem counterintuitive but it allows others to be able to complete their message to us. As we listen attentively,  it opens space for others to delve deeper into their thoughts and emotions.   Silence opens a massive door for expressing emotions and fostering empathy, ultimately leading to stronger connections and relationships. At the appropriate time, silence can convey volumes to the other. An empathetic sigh is mighty and can mean more than any words you can say.   Suppose you are engaged in a heated exchange of words, and you add a brief pause. This pause has many benefits in this situation:   It allows you to shift from your reptilian brain of fight or flight into a more intellectual self-controlled approach. It shifts the context of the verbal exchange's dynamics. It interrupts the anxious conversation. (Not much good is accomplished in tense conversations.) Anxiously waiting to engage in an existing conversation can prevent a well-formulated response. Pausing gives us time to digest the other's message and choose our words wisely.   Interrupting or blurting out a response is a form of responding without thinking and can lead to misunderstanding and alienation.   Silence can be perceived as a form of attempted manipulation if it is intentionally conveyed in that manner. The improper use of a valuable tool is not acceptable in a healthy conversation.   Silence is not the absence of communication but a powerful form of communication.   How about you? Can you use this tool of silence to connect, understand, and appreciate the words spoken to you?   Watch for the blind spots.   I appreciate your feedback. Please like, share and comment. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships .  Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

During my internship, I was mentored by George, who proved to be an exceptional guide. His incessant questioning initially seemed almost overwhelming, yet it became clear that he intended to illustrate the multitude of perspectives one can bring to problem-solving. By frequently using phrases like "Help me understand?"  or "How come?,"  George encouraged me to embrace a similar curious mindset. This approach, which started from a place of " I don't know? ," was incredibly empowering and transformative.   I've learned that curiosity is a driving force behind personal and professional growth. It often acts as a catalyst for both innovation and fulfillment. In this world where change is constant and knowledge evolves rapidly, staying curious is not just advantageous but essential.   On a personal level, curiosity enriches my life by encouraging continuous learning and exploration. It invites me to question, discover, and engage more deeply with the world around me. Curiosity keeps my life dynamic and engaging. It also enhances my emotional well-being by making me more open to new experiences and ideas, which leads to greater satisfaction and joy.   In the professional realm, curiosity is equally vital. It drives innovation and problem-solving by prompting me to explore novel approaches beyond conventional solutions. Curious professionals are often more adaptable and proactive, these qualities that are highly valued in today's fast-paced work environments. They seek out new knowledge, ask insightful questions, and remain open to feedback, all contributing to their ability to navigate complex challenges effectively.   To embrace curiosity involves adopting a mindset of lifelong learning. It means cultivating the unknown and stepping outside my comfort zone. It requires me to seek new information actively, engage with diverse viewpoints, and remain receptive to change.   Ultimately, staying curious is about maintaining an eagerness to grow and evolve. In this world brimming with opportunities for discovery, curiosity ensures that I remain engaged, innovative, and forward-thinking.   How about you? How would your life change if you were less certain and more curious?   Watch for the blind spots.     Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships .  Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

I recently talked to a dad who told me about raising his two sons. He was a man of rugged determination, shaped by years of hard labor and challenging lessons. To his two boys, Jake and Ben, he was both a figure of authority and a pillar of strength. He believed that toughness was the key to success, a lesson he learned from his upbringing. His expectations were high, and his demeanor was often unyielding.   When Jake was younger, this dad's approach was a mix of stern discipline and rare affection. He demanded excellence in everything Jake did, from schoolwork to chores. Every missed mark or perceived weakness was met with a harsh reprimand, leaving Jake feeling like he was never quite good enough. The dad focused on forging resilience in his sons, but the constant pressure eroded Jake's spirit. The boy who once loved baseball now dreaded each game, each practice, fearing his father's disapproval more than he feared losing.   On the other hand, Ben benefited from a slightly different approach. The dad was firm but allowed for more leniency in Ben's pursuits. He enthusiastically celebrated Ben's small victories and was quick to offer a shoulder when things went awry. This balance of firmness and flexibility gave Ben a strong sense of self-worth and resilience, encouraging him to pursue his interests with a joyful spirit.   One evening, as Dad reflected on his sons, he realized that his approach to Jake had been too one-dimensional. He saw how Ben thrived under a blend of tough love and encouragement and understood that this balance might have helped Jake, too.   Determined to make amends, the dad began to shift his approach with Jake. He still held high expectations but tempered them with more support and praise. Over time, Jake's confidence began to rebuild, and the father-son relationship healed. The dad learned that a gentle touch nurtured the spirit while a firm hand could forge strength. The blend of harsh and lenient was not just a method but the key to guiding his boys toward their best selves.   How about you? Do you have a balance of harsh or lenient?   Watch for the blind spots. Thanks for your feedback. I appreciate you sharing, liking and commenting. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships .  Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

I've often listened to eulogies for friends and family and wondered what might be said about me when my time comes. It's a sobering thought to realize that one day, someone will stand up and share their memories and experiences of the life I've lived. Naturally, I'd want them to focus on the good things, but life isn't always filled with only positive moments—there are bound to be challenges. What if I took the time to write my eulogy now and then committed to living in a way that aligns with those words?   Writing my eulogy while I'm still alive is a profound exercise that forces me to confront my values, aspirations, and the legacy I want to leave behind. It's an opportunity to envision how I want to be remembered, not just in general terms, but in how I showed up for others—as a family member, friend, coworker, and even as a source of support and hope for those in need.   When I imagine my eulogy, I ask myself: What do I want my family, friends, and coworkers to say about me? Was I present, loving, and dependable? Did I make an effort to understand and support them in their journeys?  My eulogy might reflect the times I made sacrifices, the moments we shared laughter, and the lessons I imparted. It's about being remembered as someone who loved and demonstrated that love through meaningful actions and words.   Most importantly, what do I want Jesus to say about how I lived the life He gave me? Will He see that I was there for others as He was? What will He say about my attitude and how I treat others? Did I act with integrity, or did I harm others for my own gain?   Ultimately, writing our eulogy isn't about contemplating death but guiding how we live.   How about you? What will your eulogy say? Will someone have to search for great things to say about you? Do you care what they’ll say? Now is the time to shape the story they'll tell.   Watch for the blind spots. Thank you for your feedback, please like, share and comment. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships .  Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

I sometimes see chaos and challenges in my life as storms. Life’s storms are unpredictable. Sometimes, they catch me off guard, appearing suddenly like lightning on a clear day. These are the moments when everything seems fine, and then, out of nowhere, I’m hit by challenges that shake me to my core. Other times, I see the storm coming from miles away. I sense the tension in the air, I feel the winds shifting, and I brace myself for what’s about to come, knowing it’s only a matter of time before I’m engulfed in chaos. The waiting can be just as unsettling as the storm itself. The anticipation of what’s to come can fill me with anxiety, leaving me on edge as I wonder how I’ll weather it. But whether the storm arrives suddenly or after a long buildup, the experience is often the same—intense, overwhelming, and all-consuming. I might feel like I’m being tossed around, struggling to find my footing as everything crumbles. Yet, after every storm, no matter how fierce, there comes a moment of calm. The clouds begin to part, the rain slows to a drizzle, and a rainbow appears on the horizon. In this moment of peace, I start to see things differently. The storm, in all its fury, has passed, and I am left standing, perhaps a little battered but stronger for having endured it. It may take a long time to heal from a storm; however, the sooner I look for the rainbow, the sooner I find it. Rainbows, in their fleeting beauty, remind me that even the darkest storms have an end. They symbolize hope and new beginnings, showing us that there’s an opportunity for growth and renewal after every difficult moment. Life may never be the same after the storm, but if I choose, it can be richer, more colorful, and filled with a deeper appreciation for the calm that follows. How about you? Looking for rainbows can be difficult, but you may not see them if you don’t look. Watch for the blind spots. Thanks for your feedback, it is very important to me. Please like, share and comment. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships .  Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

When I think I'm doing things right and I'm not, I'm dangerous. I recall instances where I thought I was doing the right thing, only to cause significant issues. One such example happened when I was a second-line manager. Due to my title, I assumed I knew best how employees should do their jobs. However, without hands-on experience, I was clueless and embarrassed by their superior knowledge.   Self-confidence can be a double-edged sword. Believing in myself and my abilities is crucial for personal growth and achievement, but when this confidence is misplaced, it can lead to unintended consequences. The danger lies in the gap between perceived and actual competence, where the belief that one is doing things right masks the reality of the situation.   For example, in the workplace, a person who believes they are making sound decisions but lacks the necessary knowledge or skills can cause projects to fail, resources to be wasted, and team morale to plummet. In relationships, misjudging one's actions and their impacts can lead to misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and broken trust.   When I think I'm doing things right but I'm not, I become a risk not only to myself but also to those around me. This overconfidence can manifest in various areas of life, from personal relationships to professional environments.   Cultivating humility and a willingness to seek feedback is essential to mitigate this danger. Acknowledging that no one is infallible and that there is always room for improvement can help bridge the gap between perception and reality. Seeking diverse perspectives and being open to constructive criticism allows for a more accurate self-assessment and helps make informed decisions.   My belief that I was doing things right when I was not led to a loss of confidence others had in me. This created a false sense of security, resulting in significant mistakes and harm. By fostering humility, seeking feedback, and committing to lifelong learning, I could have avoided the pitfalls of overconfidence and ensured that my actions aligned with my good intentions.   How about you? Is being right worth being dangerous?   Watch for the blind spots.   Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships .  Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

At an early age, when I found myself in disagreement, I would go into convince mode. I had a difficult time being wrong.   Today, it’s about being clear about my position or my opinion. I don’t have to convince anyone of anything when I am clear. My message speaks for itself.   Clarity cuts through the noise.  In a world cluttered with information, a clear message stands out. It’s like finding a lighthouse in a storm. I know exactly where I’m headed because there’s no confusion. This principle applies to all life areas, from personal relationships to professional endeavors. It does not ensure I will get my way, but I am okay with that.   When I am clear, I save time. There’s no need to go back and forth trying to explain my point. Whether I’m pitching a project to the boss or explaining a decision to a friend, a clear message gets straight to the point. This directness not only saves time but also builds trust. I find people appreciate honesty and straightforwardness.   Clarity also builds confidence.  I naturally become more confident when I know what I want and how to say it. This confidence is contagious. I notice people are drawn to those who are sure of themselves and their message. They’re more likely to listen, understand, and agree with me because I’m not wasting their time.   Clarity fosters genuine connections.  When I’m clear about my thoughts and feelings, it encourages others to do the same. This mutual understanding lays the groundwork for deeper, more authentic personal and professional relationships.   Again, I will only sometimes get my way,  and I will relent when necessary and not waste time trying to convince. I may do what I want or return to the drawing board, but I will not convince.   How about you? Do you attempt to convince, or do you display clarity?   Watch for the blind spots.   Thank you for your feedback, it means so much to me. Please like, share and comment. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships .  Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

Using "you" in relationships can bring people closer or drive them away. Have you ever noticed how saying "you"  in a critical or negative way often leads to distance or disagreements?   Statements like "You are late," "You didn't call,"  and " You don't say kind things to me like you used to" are common, but they tend to push people away rather than bring them closer. Though culturally ingrained, these comments often come off as accusatory and repelling.   Complementary statements using "you"  are influential relationship builders. Statements like "You are amazing," "I love you, "You make my day,"  and "I am so proud of you,"  are also cultural, very familiar, and create attractions. If I am accused of something negative or condescending, I want to prove the other wrong by rationalizing, minimizing, or justifying my conversation or behavior. By not hearing the compliment in disguise, I create an offensive position and tend to defend or attack. I don't want to hear negative things about myself, especially from someone I love or who is very important to me.   If I hear something unfavorable coming from another, I can refute their comments or talk about myself and create connections.   Example:   They:   "You don't give me a kiss when I come home."   Me:   "Well, the last time I tried, you rebuffed me and turned away." or Me:   "Sounds like you are feeling unappreciated. I need to work on that."   It's often easier to blame others than to look inward and see what I can do to improve the situation. While I might wish for the other person to change, it's my responsibility to work on myself instead of placing blame. By focusing on my growth and changing myself, I avoid projecting my insecurities onto my partner, reducing conflicts and fostering a healthier relationship.   How about you? How do you use the word "you"  in communications?   Watch for the blind spots. Thank you for your feedback. Please like, share and comment.   Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships .  Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

I often notice how minor disagreements can turn into major arguments. This occurs when either participant has unfinished business. Arguments are, in many ways, unfinished business. I often see folks getting into heated debates over the thermostat setting, the TV volume, or other minor issues. But what's really going on beneath the surface? I call it The Iceberg Concept .  Imagine an iceberg—only a small part is visible above the water, while the bulk of it lies hidden beneath. In arguments, that visible tip is the trivial issue at hand. The real problem?  The vast, hidden mass below the surface— past hurts, unresolved issues, and feelings of being underappreciated. These underlying issues act like a cauldron, simmering just below the surface. When a confrontation arises, they bubble up, making the present issue seem much larger and more significant than it is. The argument about the thermostat isn't just about temperature; it's about feeling ignored or undervalued over time. This concept helps explain why seemingly minor conflicts can escalate so quickly. The small argument becomes a lightning rod for all those unspoken grievances. It's not really about the TV volume; it's about feeling like your needs are consistently overlooked. I try my best not to argue, but when I find myself in an argument, I take a step back. I look to consider if there's more to the story than the immediate issue. Are there unresolved feelings or past hurts driving the conflict? What am I not talking about that I need to talk about?  Addressing underlying issues takes effort, but doing so can prevent minor disagreements from blowing out of proportion and help build healthier, more understanding relationships. How about you? Are you withholding unfinished business that's turning minor disagreements into major conflicts? Watch for the blind spots. Thanks for liking, sharing and commenting. Your feedback is invaluable. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships .  Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

I am not sure where I saw this comment, “I release the need to pay you back,”  but I thought it was a great one. This has nothing to do with finances but harbored negative feelings. It has been easy for me to feel the need to hold a grudge and look for an opportunity for payback. The most significant experience of this for me was in Vietnam. Wow, I felt a duty to pay back.   Today, as I hear North Vietnamese and Viet Cong soldiers speaking out about the war, I recognize a shared experience: l ike me, they were thrust into a conflict they didn’t choose.   Instead of harboring hate or seeking revenge, I feel a sense of kinship.   Fifty-eight years later, in a world where negative emotions often run high, it’s too easy to get caught up in the cycle of payback and retaliation. Whether it’s a slight at work, a personal betrayal, or a simple misunderstanding, the desire to “even the score”  can be overwhelming. However, I’ve realized that holding onto the need for payback when it stems from negative emotions does more harm than good.   Letting go of the urge for revenge doesn't mean ignoring injustices or letting others take advantage of me; it means acknowledging that holding onto negative emotions like anger, resentment, and bitterness—only weighs me down. These emotions cloud my judgment, affect my mental health, and strain my relationships.   Releasing my grip allows me to see situations from a broader perspective and to consider the underlying reasons behind someone’s actions. This doesn’t mean excusing bad behavior but approaching conflicts with a more compassionate mindset.   The desire for payback may be a natural human response, but it’s essential to recognize when negative emotions drive it. Choosing to let go of this need can lead to personal freedom, healthier relationships, and a more positive outlook. It’s a powerful choice that can transform our lives and the world around us.   How about you? Are you held down by holding on to paybacks?   Watch for the blind spots.     Thank you for taking the time to comment, like and share. Your feedback is important. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships .  Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

I accept you as Jesus has accepted me. In a world often divided and filled with judgment and criticism, the act of acceptance can be incredibly powerful. As a follower of Jesus, I strive to embrace others just as Jesus accepted me—unconditionally and with open arms.   I have many faults, shortcomings, blind spots, and quirks that may not appear favorable to some in my world, and I have made many mistakes that have hurt or offended others.   Jesus didn’t cast stones or demand perfection. Instead, He offered love, understanding, and the promise of redemption. Reflecting on His teachings, I am reminded of the importance of extending the same grace and acceptance to others My acceptance doesn’t mean condoning every action or agreeing with every viewpoint.  It means recognizing the inherent worth of every individual and understanding that we are all on our unique journeys. When Jesus accepted me, He saw past my flaws and failures. He saw my potential and the goodness within. His love transformed me, showing me that acceptance can lead to profound change and growth.   In my daily interactions, it’s easy to be critical or close myself off from different people. But what if I chose to see others through the eyes of Christ? What if I extended kindness, even when it’s hard, and sought understanding rather than judgement?   Imagine the impact of saying, “I accept you as Jesus accepted me,”  to someone who feels lost, unloved, or critical of me due to my beliefs. Such a statement isn’t just words; it’s a commitment to living out the teachings of Christ.   Acceptance can be a beacon of hope in someone’s life. It can mend broken relationships, foster community, and heal a fractured world. By accepting others as Jesus accepted me, I   become an instrument of His love, spreading compassion and understanding in every interaction. Again, acceptance is not agreement.   What about you? Can your judgment get in the way of acceptance?     Watch for the blind spots.   I appreciate your feedback. Please like, share and comment. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships .  Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp