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In reading Stephen Covey's book, The 8th Habit, I was enamored by his principle of responding rather than reacting. He reframes stimulus-response, by introducing the stimulus–pause–response. Here, the pause provides the opportunity to engage intellectually rather than blurting out a response. Reacting comes from my anxious approach to communication without considering the potential consequences. On the other hand, responding involves taking a moment to process the situation, weigh the outcomes, and choose a course of action that aligns with my values and objectives. This deliberate approach fosters understanding, respect, and collaboration, creating healthy and productive interactions. In my personal relationships, where my attachments are deep and outcomes feel personal, it is easy to react emotionally. Being emotionally mature is necessary for me to be able to respond. Reacting impulsively to a loved one's words or actions can lead to misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and escalating conflicts. Responding with intention allows for empathy, patience, and clear communication. It means I must actively listen to understand the other person's perspective, consider their emotions and my own, and then constructively express my thoughts and feelings. This approach diffuses potential conflicts and deepens the connection by showing care for the relationship's well-being. My professional environment, with its diverse personalities and high-pressure situations, is ripe for reactionary impulses. However, reacting impulsively to challenges, feedback, or workplace conflicts can undermine my professionalism, hinder productive collaboration, and damage relationships. Responding thoughtfully demonstrates leadership, emotional maturity, and a commitment to positive outcomes. I must take a step back to assess the situation objectively, consider the implications of different responses, and communicate to address the issue while respecting all involved. This approach can transform potential conflicts into opportunities for growth, innovation, and strengthened teamwork. By responding rather than reacting, I take control of my interactions and contribute to healthier, more resilient relationships. This shift enhances my connections with others and contributes to my personal growth and emotional well-being. How about you? In difficult situations, do you respond or react? Watch for the blind spots. I appreciate your feedback. Thanks for liking, sharing and commenting. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

In my life, there are two curious Georges. One George is a good little monkey who was always very curious! There are many books about his adventures and a series of animated cartoons. For over 80 years, the adventures of George and his friend, The Man with the Yellow Hat, have been known for how curiosity is a building block of learning, as it introduces simple science, technology, engineering, and math concepts to the youngest viewers. The second George is my friend and mentor who has gone to be with our Lord. George Pulliam carried the title of Curious George. He pioneered the Marriage and Family Therapy (MFT) approach to mental wellness. He spent almost 60 years teaching and learning MFT. He was constantly looking for things that others couldn't see. He was a master in challenging his students, whether they were Psychiatrists, Psychologists, or counselors. He kept me on my toes as an intern, and we became very close friends after I graduated. He had a powerful reputation in the community of MFTs and was highly respected and sought after for case consultation. He and I attended many conferences together, and when I was seen alone, I thought my name was, "Where's George?" I remember the first cases I presented to him. I had studied the circumstances of the case and looked at it through several marriage and family theories to be sure I included everything that could make a difference. The first time I heard him say, "What are you going to do that for," I was crushed. He once told me, "Don't quit your day job." I never knew if he meant it, but I would not disappoint him. Thanks to George, I see curiosity as the foundation of learning and discovery. It drives me to question the status quo and delve deeper into the unknown. When I am curious, I see each moment and every encounter as an opportunity to expand my knowledge and broaden my perspectives. How about you? Do you spring from the platform of knowing, or can you expand your knowledge by becoming a Curious George? Watch for the blind spots. I appreciate your feedback—like, share or comment. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

As I was reading through the book of Galatians, I was reminded of the “Fruit of the Spirit.” By adhering to these values, I can dust off some old habits and focus on these old virtues. When cultivated in my life, these traits of excellence can profoundly enrich my existence. Although Christian in their origin, love, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control can be spread to all walks of life. What a wonderful existence we could experience if we all practiced these virtues. ❤️ Love exists in all cultures, yet not between all cultures. When I love unconditionally, I create deep and meaningful connections with people, fostering a sense of belonging and purpose. 😄 Joy can be sourced despite my circumstances. 🕊 Peace is necessary in our world of chaos and hate. 😇 Forbearance, or patience, helps me endure life’s trials and tribulations, making me more resilient and less prone to stress. 🍎 Acts of kindness benefit those on the receiving end and bring immense satisfaction to me as the giver. 🤟 Goodness encourages moral integrity and a desire to do what is right, leading to a sense of purpose and fulfillment. 🙏 Faithfulness signifies commitment and loyalty. It fosters trust in my relationships and reliability in my actions. 🏃‍♂️ Self-control empowers me to make wise choices and resist destructive impulses regardless of my circumstances. It gives me the strength to pursue long-term goals and desires while avoiding short-term temptations. The “Fruit of the Spirit” represents a powerful framework for enriching my life. By embracing and cultivating these virtues, I can experience deeper connections with others, find joy daily, maintain peace in turbulent times, and develop resilience, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control, the fruit that enriches. When practicing these virtues, I am living the life Jesus designed for me to live. I am free of guilt and shame, can hold my head high, and walk tall. This is a tall order, yet one that yields a beautiful life. How about you? Could you be enriched if you refocused on these values known as “The Fruit of the Spirit”? Watch for the blind spots. I appreciate your feedback. Please like, share and comment. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

I have spent the last 36 years working on building a better me. It was precipitated by failure in my marriage and the workplace. The things I didn't know I didn't know about myself caused me to blunder in many ways. It is amazing how Rationalizing, Minimizing, and Justifying can cause me to feel good about who I am and how I show up, yet to others, it is distasteful and highly unattractive. When I operated out of my thinking and would not allow others to influence me, I unknowingly hurt them and myself. [Blind Spot] I think shame was my biggest nemesis. I had low self-esteem and could not hear or internalize anything that caused me to look inadequate. It took so much work to recognize that God made me enough and that I was different, and it’s okay to be different. I could never laugh at myself, nor could I hear negative things said about me. I began a journey of not trying to be perfect and allowing myself to become the authentic man I was created to be. I had to recognize the pejorative things said about me were true to others, and if I cared at all about them and myself, I must allow their critique to be fuel for improvement. It was a struggle to be different, but it was so liberating. I became lighter and could laugh and enjoy things like never before. It is incredible how free I have felt by just being me and accepting God's gift of life. However, I slipped back into my old habits a few months ago. I was asleep at the wheel of my emotions and didn't recognize I was struggling emotionally. In our Veteran's group on Thursday evenings, I allowed myself to get hooked by circumstances. I embarrassed myself and hurt others with my harsh words. Old habits die hard. I say all of this to admit I am on a journey of building a better me, and as diligent as I am working on this, I can still fall back into the old habits that I want to shed. Ouch! How about you? Watch for the blind spots. I appreciate your time and feedback. Thanks for liking, sharing and commenting. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire.

It is common to hear phrases like "They shouldn't think that way" or "Why don't they do it this way?". I, too, have been guilty of this mindset. However, a recent experience served as a vivid reminder that we are made up of incredible physical, emotional, and intellectual differences. While observing those around me, I was struck by the stark differences in physical attributes. Some men towered over me, some possessed beautiful musical voices, a talent I lack, and others exhibited other unique skills I do not possess. Their bodies varied in shape and color, just like their eyes. They came from different countries, spanning a range of ages. This display of humanity made me realize that we are indeed very different. Acknowledging and appreciating these outward differences seems easier than recognizing their variety of thoughts and perspectives. Despite this, I often think that others should share my viewpoint. This expectation seems absurd when I consider how uniquely God created each of us. My upbringing, education, and life experiences are mine alone, shaping a unique worldview that others may not share or appreciate. This realization begs the question: If I can accept and even celebrate our physical differences, why do I struggle to do the same with mental and emotional differences? Many factors influence my thinking and opinions – culture, environment, education, experiences, and personal journeys. Expecting others to think and see the world exactly as I do is unrealistic. Sharing one's thoughts with others can cultivate empathy, foster understanding, and create a stronger bond. Just as I marvel at the variety in physical appearance, I am now open to how people think and perceive the world. This openness enriches my life, broadens my horizons, and ultimately makes me more compassionate and understanding. I want to let go of the notion that others should think like me. Not that I should accept their thoughts and opinions, but I need not become twisted and controlled by them and think I should rebut and change their thinking. How about you? Is it difficult to allow others a difference of opinion? Watch for the blind spots. I appreciate your feedback, it is invaluable. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that can be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

I just watched the movie "The Hill". It is a true story of Rickey Hill, who was born with an affliction that left him crippled and with clumsy leg braces. He dreamed of playing baseball in the major league but was ill-equipped. His dad vehemently discouraged this idea, but Rickey was riveted on becoming a major league baseball player. In the movie, Rickey's grandmother is on her deathbed and says to him in her unpolished English, "Regret is an ache in your bones that doesn't ever stop." I'll let you see this tremendous true story without divulging any more. The thought "no regrets" caught my attention. I have written about this before. Regret is such an important word to me. I have more regrets in my life than I want to remember. Regret is an emotion shaped by opportunities I let slip away, the paths not taken due to fear, or the chances I missed because I allowed myself to be held back by others or my limitations. Regret is a feeling of remorse and the pain of realizing that some life choices are irrevocable. I have regrets caused by unaddressed opportunities I let slip away. Life has presented me with a myriad of possibilities, but often, I find myself paralyzed at the crossroads of decision-making. This paralysis stems from a fear of risk, causing my "what ifs" to overshadow my "what could be." Sometimes, I fear failure and rejection, and sometimes, I even fear success. The result is a standstill, where dreams and aspirations are abandoned, and the road less traveled remains a mystery. However, it is essential to recognize that regret, despite its ache, serves a purpose. It is a reminder of my capacity for growth and change. Each regret carries with it lessons learned and the wisdom gained through experience. Embracing these lessons can be the key to not repeating past mistakes and making more fulfilling choices in the future. Regret can become a stumbling block or a sign to re-evaluate my choices, learn, grow, and break free from constraints. How about you? Are your regrets an ache in your bones, or do they propel you? Watch for the blind spots. Thank you for your feedback. It is invaluable to me and I appreciate it. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that can be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

"I release the need to pay you back" begins the journey to inner peace when the feelings of being wronged intersect with the urge for retaliation. I don't know about you, but when I felt I had been wronged in the past, I would automatically choose to retaliate. Today, when I feel the weight of being wronged, I can remain anchored in resentment or embrace the power of forgiveness. The act of forgiveness marks the first step toward healing. When I proclaim, "I release the need to pay you back," it's a conscious choice to forgive. This isn't about erasing the past or overlooking its lessons. Instead, it's a deliberate act of releasing the chains of resentment and grudge that have entangled my heart. Forgiveness is not a concession to others but more a gift to me. It's a self-empowerment statement indicating that I refuse to be weighed down by past sorrows and injuries. By forgiving, I recognize our collective human fallibility. Clinging to bitterness only serves to disrupt my peace of mind. Acknowledging this, I pave the way for a remarkable transformation–liberating my spirit. My decision to let go of revenge opens the door to a new kind of freedom. This freedom is an expansive space where personal growth, exploration of new possibilities, and life on my terms become feasible. It's a freedom that fills my life with authenticity and joy. Choosing to let go of the need for retribution is like setting down a burden that has been tirelessly carried. This relief yields both physical and emotional tension. It opens the possibility to embrace the present and future. "I release the need to pay you back" is a mantra for anyone seeking equilibrium, peace, and joy. Through embracing forgiveness, I unlock opportunities for freedom and encounter profound relief from letting go of these burdens. How about you? Do you need to pay back the ones who have wronged you? Watch for the blind spots. Thanks for feedback, it means a lot. I appreciate a like, comment or share! Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Explore hidden behavior that can be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

I attend the traditional service at church. This week, we sang the old song "I Love to Tell the Story." It is an excellent hymn about telling of Jesus and his love. It sparked my thinking of how giving someone the experience of the story is so much more impactful than telling a story. As I journey down life's highway, stories play a vital role in shaping my understanding of the world. From the stories I learned as a child to the stories I hear and tell as an adult, the true magic and transformative power lie in experiencing or demonstrating them. "I love to tell the story,” goes the old song, but the impact of a story multiplies when it moves beyond mere words and becomes an experience. When a story is demonstrated or experienced, it transcends the boundaries of imagination and becomes an unmistakable reality. Experiencing a story is not just retelling events but facing the world through different eyes and feeling emotions that might otherwise remain unexplored. Consider telling the story of helping, caring, and doing kind things for others or giving them an experience. The children in our church go to places and feed the hungry, entertain the elderly, and perform kind and generous acts for others. By actively participating in the story, they better understand, feel, and live the challenges. This is where the story becomes a powerful tool for change. It's no longer a narrative; it's an experience that can alter perceptions, challenge beliefs, and inspire action. Some people are very good at storytelling, which is an art form in and of itself. But the real power of storytelling comes out when we go beyond talking and do things like show and experience. Stories that are lived and felt can open minds, change hearts, and, in the end, change lives. Today, my pride tells my story, and my humility demonstrates it. This can be a difficult battle for me. How about you? Does your life tell the story of Jesus, or do you speak it? Watch for the blind spots. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Explore hidden behavior that can be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

In my daily life, it's easy to get caught up in my concerns and challenges. I navigate through crowded schedules, manage workloads, and tackle personal matters, often overlooking the profound impact a simple act of kindness can have. One question that invites me to pause and reflect on my daily interactions is, "Who will I help today?" This seemingly straightforward inquiry is a gentle reminder of the significance of selflessness in my life. Helping others is not just a noble deed; it's a powerful force that can ripple through relationships, fostering connection and creating a positive environment for everyone involved. Infusing joy in one can multiply in others. One of the most beautiful aspects of helping others is its inclusivity. Helping doesn't always require grand gestures; it can manifest in small, meaningful acts. Here are a few opportunities I can use to make a difference: A simple hello A kind smile Offer active listening Offer a helping hand Random Acts of Kindness Authentic compliments Volunteer Practice patience Respect differences Express gratitude The impact of these seemingly minor acts of kindness can be immeasurable as they contribute to creating a compassionate and supportive social fabric. Beyond the immediate benefits to others, helping impacts my well-being. When I extend a helping hand, I contribute to the well-being of others and experience a sense of fulfillment and purpose that enriches my life. “Who will I help today?” This question prompts me to channel my energy into creating a world where empathy and kindness prevail. Reflecting on my daily interactions, I embrace the opportunity to support, encourage, and assist those around me. This fosters a culture where the question becomes a reflection and a daily affirmation of my commitment to making a difference, one small act of kindness at a time. How about you? Who will you help today? Watch for the blind spots. Thanks for your feedback. I appreciate you liking, sharing and commenting. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that can be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

Life is a balance. I like the three-legged stool analogy because it has the fewest number of legs that can cause a stool to be sturdy. To name the legs of my life journey, I use the following: ·      Physical ·      Intellectual ·      Emotional We grow physically by eating well, exercising, sleeping, and doing other things to promote and keep our bodies healthy. This is natural in our culture. We grow intellectually through formal schooling, parents' teachings, and other authorities. However, it is unusual for us to grow emotionally without specific strategies and emotional discipline which is seldom taught. It is easy to learn typical strategies by accident as young children. When using these immature strategies, we stumble into actions that cause stress to temporarily subside in ourselves and others. Here are a few emotional expressions I see employed: ·      Avoidance or withdrawal. ·      Anger or temper tantrums. ·      Lying or denial ·      Eating issues ·      Substance abuse ·      Excessive screen time ·      Somatic complaints These are mannerisms used to express frustration because the tools to express emotions constructively have not been learned. While this may provide short-term relief, it can lead to increased anxiety and missed opportunities for growth and learning. I can relate to all of these as a young boy. This became a hazard, as I developed physically and intellectually, I held on to immature emotional behaviors. They may have served a purpose as a child, but emotionally mature adults are not expected to engage in these behaviors. When I use the behaviors above as an adult, my three-legged stool will collapse, and I am dreadfully out of balance. Have you seen adults throw temper tantrums? It is not pretty, nor is it effective. If I haven't learned constructive behaviors to deal with stress as an adult, I will be unavailable in all relationships and a poor example for others. I am on the journey to build a more robust three-legged stool representing my life. How about you? Is your three-legged stool balanced, or could you strengthen the leg of emotional maturity? Watch for the blind spots. Thanks for feedback, it means alot. I appreciate a like, comment or share! Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

I just read a story in Bob Goff's book "Love Does." It was about a man I call George who found a painting which truly spoke to him. It was a painting of a puppeteer who appeared to be an older man, surrounded by his family and friends, captivating them with a marionette, expressing laughter and engagement as he weaves a great story. This scene, immortalized in a painting, resonates deeply with George, who wanted to purchase it. George sees himself as a similar storyteller, akin to a puppeteer, bringing knowledge and joy to his extended family and others. This painting also evokes spiritual reflections, paralleling how Jesus gathered people with his stories about a life filled with love and purpose. In this story, George's journey to acquire this painting reveals layers of authenticity and value. In the gallery, he learns that the piece is the work of an 80-year-old European master, reportedly nearing blindness. Whether true or part of a sales pitch, this detail adds a poignant depth to the artwork. After a year of saving, George returns to find two identical versions of the painting. He is advised to display the replica to protect the original from damage, a common practice for expensive art. However, he hangs the genuine piece, finding its authenticity more meaningful. I love George's decisions to reflect his values and the story's theme: authentic connections, whether in art or life, are irreplaceable and hold the true essence of the value of genuine connections, much like the authentic stories Jesus told. I changed the man's name in this story because it reminds me of my dear mentor, George Pulliam. George has gone to be with our Lord, but his memory will forever live on with all who knew him and had the privilege of sitting at his feet as family and protégé. Jesus and George knew how to tell stories, convince us to claim we are created enough, and remind us to show up as authentic and be there for others to follow. How about you? Do you display the authentic self so others will desire to follow? Watch for the blind spots. Thanks for sharing, commenting, and liking these posts. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Find out what is holding you back from the relationships you desire. If you purchased your book on any of the online bookstores, would you rate and write a review. Thanks in advance!

It is easy to use this line loosely. I say it, and I hear it so often. When I say it today, I add, "You are in charge, or okay I'm in charge." Starting my day or the rest of my day to make it great is an excellent approach, and I employ several strategies to ensure my day is as positive and fulfilling as possible. Barring any tragedy, I recognize that I get a choice to have a great day. Here are a few strategies I employ for having a good day or the rest of my day: ·       I will be in charge of my mood. ·       I will be clear and consistent, so I will not attempt to convince anyone today. ·       I will make today better than yesterday. ·       I will practice self-control. ·       I will employ kindness towards myself and others. ·       I will identify things I am thankful for. ·       I will learn something new today. ·       I will be productive. ·       I will nurture my relationships. ·       I will be in charge of my time. ·       I will attain small, believable goals. ·       I will use this thought when driving, we are all traveling somewhere; let me help you get where you are going. So, let’s put this in a mantra so we can say it over our day. “I choose to embrace each day with the intent of making it great. I acknowledge my ability to shape a great day, unless any unfortunate events occur. I am in charge of my mood and actions, focusing on clear, consistent behavior without convincing others. By setting achievable goals and practicing self-control, I strive to make today better than yesterday. I commit to acts of kindness towards myself and others, nurturing relationships, and being productive. Learning something new and being thankful are vital parts of my day. Being strategic and intentional, I can take charge of myself at any time.” How about you? Are you in charge of having a great day? Watch for the blind spots. Thanks for liking, sharing and commenting, your feedback is important. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that can be holding you back from the relationships you desire.