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A while back, I was in a crowded mall on a tax-free back-to-school weekend, trying to replace my phone’s screen saver. I wasn’t feeling well— achy, low energy, and the added stress of a packed parking lot had already frayed my nerves when I walked in. Earlier that day, I was checked for COVID and was relieved that I didn’t even have a fever.   In the mall, the employee helping me seemed equally worn out. Before long, our conversation shifted from solving a simple tech issue to an exchange driven more by emotion than reason.   I felt like I was involved in the old “bait and switch” game. When the transaction ended, I was stunned to be asked for an extra $20 above our original agreement. Frustration flared, but I took a deep breath, paid what he asked, and he surprised me with a $20 discount. Impulsively grateful, I tipped him $20. As reality set in, neither of us had gained from our heightened emotions.   Reflecting on “if I could do it again,”  I see how better preparation could have changed everything. A quick self‑inventory, acknowledging my low tolerance that day, would have helped me stay calm. Presenting myself with patience and respect would have preserved my composure and made the interaction smoother for both of us.   In relationships and everyday encounters, reacting poorly when unprepared or overwhelmed is all too easy. Asking if I had a do-over, how would I do this differently?  Turns regret into growth. It allows me to rehearse a kinder, more thoughtful response by revisiting a situation or equipping myself for the next time. These situations recur, and having thought through them prepares me for the following circumstances. These healthy questions position me for better outcomes and richer connections in the future. Keeping a good inventory of my emotional condition helps me respond more favorably and steer clear of a significant conflict.   Watch for the blind spots.   👀 Discover how to uncover what you don’t know you don’t know with my book Blind Spots in Relationships, get it today, http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

Pride wears many faces. It can glow warmly when we cheer for our family, school, or team, and it can sour into arrogance, a sense of “better than”  that fractures relationships.   Yesterday, a friend confessed that at one point in his life, he “ran out of pride.”  I love that thought. His childhood, shaped by a stern father, taught him that approval was scarce, and toughness was everything. Unaware of any other way, he carried that harshness into his parenting. His son felt the same distance he had endured, and only now, faced with the errors he’d passed on, does he work hard to rebuild a gentler bond with his son and grandchildren.   I saw a mirror in his story. Like him, I learned early to compare myself to others and to feel unworthy when I didn’t measure up. I polished my exterior, joining the Marines and graduating college, excelling at work and sports not just out of passion but to mask the dull ache inside. Superficial achievements drew applause but never touched the shy, insecure kid beneath.   It was exhausting keeping that mask in place. Those who knew only the surface saw confidence; those who looked closer saw a man who was often angry, emotionally immature, and afraid. I needed others to affirm a greatness I didn’t feel. And yet, whenever I stumbled, or became the butt of a joke, I could not laugh with them. Shame cut too deeply.   Today, I’ve reclaimed a truer kind of pride born of humility and authenticity. I can acknowledge my faults without self-condemnation, seeing each as an invitation to grow rather than a mark of shame. My confidence radiates from the inside out; nothing external can diminish it.   I’ve learned that true pride isn’t about looking good; it’s about being genuine and lifting others up so they can shine. I accept my past mistakes and use them to guide better choices for the future.   Do you seek to dazzle with your exterior, or nurture a quiet glow from within?   Watch for the blind spots.   👀 Discover how to uncover what you don’t know you don’t know with my book Blind Spots in Relationships,  get it today, http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp #RealTalk #EmotionalGrowth #HealingJourney #PrideReimagined #UnmaskingTheTruth #AuthenticLiving #GenerationalHealing #FacesOfPride #FromPainToPurpose #ShineFromWithin

After reading my post on blame, a friend asked me to tackle the topic of defensiveness. She wrote, “While reading about blame, I imagined addressing the issue with someone, but they might get very defensive, and bringing a blind spot to their attention might go awry. If someone pointed out my blind spot, I might have a knee‑jerk reaction of defensiveness.”  Her question highlights a real dilemma: how do you help someone see a blind spot without triggering that automatic defensive response?   Blind spots are habitual words or actions that push others away before we realize what we’ve done. Pointing them out can feel like an attack, activating the brain’s fight‑or‑flight response. Statements that begin with “you,”  such as “You’re controlling,”  tend to ignite feelings of blame and shut down open communication.   There is, however, a gentler approach. Begin by replacing “you”  statements with “I” statements expressing your experience. For example, say, “I feel pushed away when this happens,”  or “I want us to feel safe together,” instead of “You never listen.”  Next, frame the conversation as a shared dilemma: “I’m in a bind—if I tell you I’m hurt, I worry I’ll upset you; if I stay silent, I’ll feel even more hurt later. Could we talk this through together?”  This phrasing invites collaboration rather than blame, creating a shared problem to solve. Throughout, listen actively and remain calm, even if defensiveness flares. Pause rather than argue and rephrase your words until the other person feels heard and safe. Cultivating emotional maturity is key. That means recognizing and managing your emotions while tuning in to the other person’s feelings and responding with genuine empathy. Choose the right moment, ensure privacy, and maintain a respectful tone. If attempts to address blind spots persist or spiral, consider enlisting a neutral third party, such as a counselor, to guide the dialogue productively. Although it can be challenging, addressing blind spots is worth the effort. It builds closeness rather than distance, creating an atmosphere of safety and respect where both people can grow. You open a path to stronger connection and deeper understanding by offering empathy, respect, and curiosity. Watch for the blind spots.   👀 Discover how to uncover what you don’t know you don’t know with my book Blind Spots in Relationships, get it today, http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

Have you ever wanted to do something that takes effort?  You know it's worthwhile, yet it doesn't get finished. I certainly have. I've given myself several deadlines that come and go.   What is holding me back?  I'm working on a project I want to release soon, and I continue to find more to do than to finish . The distractions aren't loud. They're subtle, even justifiable, an email here, a small task there, a helpful errand, a phone call. They feel important, but I know I'm avoiding something deep down.   I'm not avoiding the work itself. I'm avoiding the risk that comes with finishing.   Because once I finish, it's out there. People can see, judge, ignore, or respond to it. Finishing means letting go of control and opening myself to feedback, or silence. And that's vulnerable. It's much safer to stay in the land of "almost done."   But here's what I've learned: I can confuse activity with progress. Staying busy doesn't mean I'm moving forward. If I'm honest, sometimes I stay busy to avoid the discomfort of completion. There's safety in planning, tweaking, and reworking. But growth only happens when I ship it. I push it out the door and say, "This is my best for now."   So today, I'm taking a different approach. I'm not asking, "What else needs to be added? " I'm asking, "What's keeping me from calling it complete? "   I'm practicing the courage to release something imperfect. Done is better than perfect, and action, messy, uncertain, vulnerable action, is the only way to build momentum.   If you're stuck in that loop, let this remind you: The world doesn't need your perfect project.  It needs your honest one, your courageous one, the one that reflects your growth, your voice, and your willingness to show up, even when it's uncomfortable.   Finish it, share it, and let the next step unfold. I love it when I get to adhere to my own words.   Watch for the blind spots.   👀 Discover how to uncover what you don’t know you don’t know with my book Blind Spots in Relationships, get it today, http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

My relationships thrive or wither based on how I respond to conflict. At their core, relationships reflect how well I understand and align with others. Yet, when disagreements arise, the instinct to blame others often leads to disconnection and decline. Shifting the focus from blame to personal responsibility can transform relationships, allowing them to flourish.   Blame feels easy. It absolves me of guilt and places the burden of change on someone else. I say things like, "They're too stubborn,"  or "They never listen."  These statements might feel validated, but they create walls instead of bridges. Blame drives me to dwell on the other person's flaws rather than reflect on how I might contribute to the problem or the solution.   On the other hand, relationships flourish when I take ownership of my actions, words, and reactions. It is counterintuitive to accept responsibility. Accepting responsibility doesn't mean accepting all the blame; it means being honest about my role in the dynamic and willing to change. For example, instead of accusing my partner of being distant, I might ask, "Am I showing them enough affection and understanding?"   This shift is decisive because it focuses on what I can control—myself. Personal growth and self-awareness inspire mutual respect. When I step up to improve myself, it often encourages others to do the same. This creates a positive cycle of growth, trust, and deeper connection.   Flourishing relationships require effort, humility, and courage. By focusing on how I can grow rather than trying to change others, I model the behavior I wish to see. When I own my part in conflicts, I foster a safe space for open communication, making solutions more accessible and meaningful.   Ultimately, my relationships decline when I look outward for someone to blame but grow stronger when I look inward for ways to grow. Responsibility isn't a burden; it's the foundation for creating the love, harmony, and connection I crave.   "Don't wish for less challenge, wish for more wisdom." —Jim Rohn   How about you? Do you accept your responsibility in the relationship?   Watch for the blind spots. 👀 Discover how to uncover what you don’t know you don’t know with my book Blind Spots in Relationships, get it today, http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

Every day, I am guilty of bowing down to modern-day idols, objects, habits, and ideals that promise fulfillment but often leave me emptier than before. Yet there’s a more powerful way forward. By modeling genuine human connection, I inspire others to invest in people rather than possessions.   Today, technology and social media have become modern idols. Success, achievement, degrees, promotions, and accolades can feel like trophies. Material possessions have seduced me into believing happiness comes from having “more.” And above all, I have sought validation and approval from friends, family, or bosses as confirmation of belonging.   The cost of worshipping idols is high. Anxiety and burnout follow when my pursuit of perfection and external affirmation turns rest into guilt and fuels stress. In my bid for approval, I have bartered authenticity for acceptance, shrinking the space for vulnerability and deepening only shallow relationships. When my decisions hinge on achievements or possessions, I risk losing sight of my core values, passions, and unique gifts. As a result, my emotional state becomes unstable, rising and falling with every notification, purchase, or accolade, eroding the steady self‑worth that comes from within.   In contrast to idolizing things, living as an example of genuine human connection invites others to follow. It starts with showing up fully—giving undivided attention, listening to understand, and celebrating small wins, whether it's a friend's creativity or a coworker's kindness—spotlighting community over competition. By being vulnerable first, admitting my struggles and seeking support, I permit others to do the same, strengthening bonds beyond surface‑level niceties.   So where am I investing my energy? Is it on things or people? When I realign my focus toward relationships, empathy, and shared experiences, I reclaim my worth by cultivating practices rooted in character and compassion. By dethroning material and external idols and living as a beacon of genuine connection, I liberate myself and inspire others to build lives rich in love, purpose, and belonging.   Watch for the blind spots. 👀 Don’t wait to uncover what you don’t know you don’t know! 💡 Blind Spots in Relationships,  get your copy today,  http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

I remember playing with gyroscopes as a young boy. They were both fun and astonishing. No matter how I tilted or shook their base, the gyroscope’s orientation never wavered.   Have you ever had a gyroscope? It is a marvel of physics: a spinning wheel mounted so that its axis can freely orient itself in any direction.   They are used in aviation, space, and maritime vehicles. Microelectromechanical gyroscopes are also used in gaming, robots, drones, cameras, and many other technologies today.   In relationships, individuation plays a similar stabilizing role. Just as the gyroscope relies on its angular momentum to resist outside forces, each partner’s sense of self-identity, values, and boundaries provides internal strength that balances the relationship through life’s ups and downs.   When a gyroscope is first set spinning, it demands energy to get up to speed. Likewise, individuation takes deliberate effort. You cultivate self‑awareness by reflecting on your beliefs, owning your emotions, and learning what you need apart from your partner. This “spin”  of personal exploration builds momentum: the more you invest in understanding who you are and what matters most to you, the more resistant you become to anxiety or losing yourself in your partner’s world.   A gyroscope resists external torque: a sudden bump won’t make it collapse. When your partner is stressed, rushing toward crisis mode, your well‑developed self doesn’t tip into panic. You can stay grounded, regulate your emotions, and offer support without being swept away by their turmoil.   Yet a gyroscope is not locked in place. Similarly, individuation doesn’t mean stubborn self‑containment or emotional isolation. It means holding your core steady while still being open to influence. You adjust, adapt, and grow in the relationship from a place of choice rather than reaction. Your partner’s needs can guide you without defining you.   The gyroscope’s beauty lies in the dance between stability and flexibility. In relationships, individuation asks that you maintain your own spin yet be willing to lean into each other’s orbit. When both partners bring that gyroscopic balance, they create a relationship that weather storms and pivots smoothly around challenges.   Watch for the blind spots.   👀 Don’t wait to uncover what you don’t know you don’t know! 💡 Blind Spots in Relationships,  get your copy today,  http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

Let's talk about emotions in relationships. I just heard a saying that made me laugh out loud, and then immediately nodded in uncomfortable agreement: "In relationships, the woman's emotions are driving the car, and the man's emotions are in the trunk." Let's unpack this hilarious but uncomfortably accurate image. Picture a couple in a car. She's gripping the wheel, blasting music, and talking passionately about something her sister said in 2015. She's swerving through feelings like a Formula 1 driver: joy, frustration, excitement, worry, love, all in under five minutes. She's alive. She's expressive. She's processing in real time. Meanwhile, he's not in the passenger seat. Nope. His emotions are locked in the trunk like a hostage with duct tape over their mouth. He's riding along silently, arms crossed, breathing through his nose like it's a boot camp training drill. You ask him how he feels. He grunts. Maybe he nods. His feelings are there, but you need a crowbar, a flashlight, and maybe a SWAT team to get them out. This isn't about men not having emotions. Oh, we have them, deep, complex, and powerful ones. But culturally, many of us were taught to keep those feelings zipped up like an old duffel bag, only opening them in emergencies or when their team loses in overtime. Women, on the other hand, were often raised to talk it out, feel it, share it, and express it. This is beautiful but can lead to the emotional equivalent of both feet on the go pedal while he's yelling from the trunk, "Slow down! I'm not ready to talk about my childhood yet!" Humor aside, the key is getting those emotions out of the trunk  and into the front seat. Maybe not behind the wheel right away, baby steps, but at least into the conversation. Relationships work best when both people are present, not just physically but emotionally, ideally with seat belts on. Is this story familiar? Watch for the blind spots.   👀 Don’t wait to uncover what you don’t know you don’t know! 💡 Blind Spots in Relationships,  get your copy today,  http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp #EmotionalRide #RelationshipTalk #WhoDrivesYourFeelings #RealConvo #FeelingsMatter #TruthWithHumor #WatchThisNow

A friend has transformed his life by establishing daily routines and a simple tracking system. He says these practices infuse each day with clarity, momentum, and a deep sense of purpose. He creates a reliable framework that directs his energy and focus by anchoring his activities to consistent patterns, such as a morning ritual of stretching and journaling or an evening review of his accomplishments. This structure relieves decision fatigue and frees mental bandwidth for creative thinking and meaningful engagement rather than constant deliberation over what to do next.   Small, steady actions compounded over days and weeks yield significant gains. He records each action in his self-designed log. Anyone could use a journal, an app, or a simple calendar, and this record provides concrete evidence of efforts. It reinforces a sense of achievement and reveals behavioral patterns, such as when he is most productive, which activities tend to be postponed, and how different routines influence his mood and energy levels. This way, tracking transforms vague intentions into measurable data and enables continuous refinement and optimization.   Logging routines also cultivate accountability. Knowing that each habit is documented makes him more likely to follow through. The streak mentality, seeing how many consecutive days he has maintained a practice, can be remarkably motivating. It taps into our natural drive for consistency. When he misses a day, the gap in his log serves as a prompt to recommit, turning setbacks into opportunities for reflection rather than reasons to abandon the habit altogether.   Routines and their accompanying logs act as a mirror for personal growth. Over time, they build a rich archive of patterns, progress, and pivots. Revisiting this archive can be profoundly illuminating, showing how small habits evolved into strengths, how challenges spurred creative adjustments, and how sustained effort made long-term goals attainable. In essence, routines give shape to aspirations and tracking them provides the map that guides the journey. By weaving these two practices into daily life, anyone can create a dynamic cycle of action, feedback, and improvement that propels them steadily toward their highest potential.   I find monitoring routines challenging, yet it yields deeply transformative insights.   Watch for the blind spots.   👀 Don’t wait to uncover what you don’t know you don’t know! 💡 Blind Spots in Relationships,  get your copy today,  http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

Does anyone besides me have an " inner critic ?" That internal voice that judges, criticizes, and shames me. That mental chatter tells me I'm not good enough, smart enough, talented enough, or deserving enough. It's often harsh, unforgiving, and rooted in fear. This voice usually develops early in life, influenced by authority figures (like parents, teachers, or peers) and life experiences where I felt hurt, judged, or rejected. My inner critic works against me in subtle but powerful ways. It fuels self-doubt and insecurity by magnifying my flaws and mistakes, causing me to second-guess my abilities and sense of worth. Instead of encouraging growth, it chips away at my confidence. It sabotages my progress with discouraging thoughts like "Why bother?" or "You'll fail anyway," which leads me to procrastinate, avoid risks, or give up too soon. It keeps me in fear, constantly warning me about the possibility of failure or rejection, trapping me in a false comfort zone that blocks real growth and fulfillment. This critical voice also damages my relationships. When I feel unworthy, I may withdraw, become defensive, or seek excessive validation, putting pressure on others and creating disconnection. Over time, it wears down my mental and emotional health. Chronic self-criticism contributes to anxiety, depression, perfectionism, and even physical issues like fatigue or insomnia. It also distorts my perception of reality, focusing on the negatives while overlooking my strengths, progress, and potential. In short, the inner critic isn't out to destroy me, ironically, it's trying to protect me from emotional harm. But its methods, fear, shame, and control, ultimately block the growth, connection, and self-worth I truly need. Here are a few steps to tame the “inner critic.”  First, recognize when your inner critic is speaking and give it a name to create distance from it. Then, challenge its message by asking if it's true and replacing it with a more balanced, supportive thought. Finally, respond with self-compassion, speaking to yourself like you would to a friend doing their best. Watch for the blind spots. 👀 Don’t wait to uncover what you don’t know you don’t know! 💡 Blind Spots in Relationships,  get your copy today,  http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

There are times in life when I hit the wall hard. I feel stuck, frustrated, and like no good solution exists. In those moments, it's easy to spiral into discouragement. I used to believe that if I pushed harder, thought harder, or worried harder, I could force things to change. But often, no matter what I did, the breakthrough didn't come on my timeline.   I want things to go smoothly without a hitch. Wow, I have lived long enough to know that's not possible. However, a little control freak still resides in me even though I have worked hard on surrender.   I have had many experiences of breaking down to learn this truth: circumstances are temporary. No matter how overwhelming they feel in the moment, they will not last forever. Time is one of my greatest allies, as frustrating as it can be. Time shifts things. Time reveals answers I can't yet see. Time brings healing I didn't know I needed.   I have also realized that change doesn't always come in the form I expect. Sometimes I get what I want. Other times, I get something different, but ultimately better for me. Growth often comes disguised as delay, disappointment, or discomfort.   The key for me is surrender, not the kind of surrender that means giving up, but the kind that says, "I accept what I cannot control, and I focus my energy on what I can."  When I stop resisting reality, I create space for new solutions, new strength, and even new hope to appear.   Each breakdown is an invitation to grow, trust, and believe that something good is still possible. I don't have to have all the answers today. I have to stay open to the idea that the breakthrough is often closer than I think, just on the other side of patience, humility, and surrender.   So now, when I break down, I don't see it as the end. It is the beginning of something new that I can't yet see but will with time.   How are you doing with your handling your breakdowns?   Watch for the blind spots. Don’t wait to uncover what you don’t know you don’t know! 💡 Blind Spots in Relationships,  get your copy today,  http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

I’ve learned that how I treat myself sets the standard for how others treat me. I create a powerful boundary when I treat myself with dignity and respect. I silently communicate to the world that this is how I expect to be treated. For too long, I allowed others to speak to me in dismissive or demeaning ways. I told myself it wasn’t that bad, and I could take it. But over time, I realized the damage wasn’t just in their words. It was in my silence. I had lowered the bar for how I allowed myself to be treated, and in doing so, I had lowered it for everyone else, too. Now, I understand something more profound. Dignity is not something others give me. It is something I claim. I step into self-respect when I honor myself, my needs, my time, and my voice. From that place, I stopped tolerating anything that didn’t match. This is not about arrogance or control. It’s about honoring my worth. When I know who I am, I no longer chase validation. I no longer shrink to keep the peace. I speak with clarity. I walk away from what hurts. I pause instead of pleasing. I protect my peace like it matters because it does. The more I respect myself, the clearer my boundaries become. I no longer need to explain or justify. My energy says it for me. People quickly learn how to treat me, because I show them how I treat myself. If someone cannot meet that standard, I let them go with grace. I don’t need to fight for dignity; I simply refuse to abandon it. This shift didn’t happen overnight. It’s a daily choice. But it’s one I make with confidence. Because when I treat myself with dignity and respect, I allow no one to treat me differently. And in that, I stand in my power. How do you allow others to treat you? Watch for the blind spots. 👀 Don’t wait to uncover what you don’t know you don’t know! 💡 Blind Spots in Relationships,  get your copy today,  http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp