Search Blog

At an early age, when I found myself in disagreement, I would go into convince mode. I had a difficult time being wrong.   Today, it’s about being clear about my position or my opinion. I don’t have to convince anyone of anything when I am clear. My message speaks for itself.   Clarity cuts through the noise.  In a world cluttered with information, a clear message stands out. It’s like finding a lighthouse in a storm. I know exactly where I’m headed because there’s no confusion. This principle applies to all life areas, from personal relationships to professional endeavors. It does not ensure I will get my way, but I am okay with that.   When I am clear, I save time. There’s no need to go back and forth trying to explain my point. Whether I’m pitching a project to the boss or explaining a decision to a friend, a clear message gets straight to the point. This directness not only saves time but also builds trust. I find people appreciate honesty and straightforwardness.   Clarity also builds confidence.  I naturally become more confident when I know what I want and how to say it. This confidence is contagious. I notice people are drawn to those who are sure of themselves and their message. They’re more likely to listen, understand, and agree with me because I’m not wasting their time.   Clarity fosters genuine connections.  When I’m clear about my thoughts and feelings, it encourages others to do the same. This mutual understanding lays the groundwork for deeper, more authentic personal and professional relationships.   Again, I will only sometimes get my way,  and I will relent when necessary and not waste time trying to convince. I may do what I want or return to the drawing board, but I will not convince.   How about you? Do you attempt to convince, or do you display clarity?   Watch for the blind spots.   Thank you for your feedback, it means so much to me. Please like, share and comment. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships .  Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

Using "you" in relationships can bring people closer or drive them away. Have you ever noticed how saying "you"  in a critical or negative way often leads to distance or disagreements?   Statements like "You are late," "You didn't call,"  and " You don't say kind things to me like you used to" are common, but they tend to push people away rather than bring them closer. Though culturally ingrained, these comments often come off as accusatory and repelling.   Complementary statements using "you"  are influential relationship builders. Statements like "You are amazing," "I love you, "You make my day,"  and "I am so proud of you,"  are also cultural, very familiar, and create attractions. If I am accused of something negative or condescending, I want to prove the other wrong by rationalizing, minimizing, or justifying my conversation or behavior. By not hearing the compliment in disguise, I create an offensive position and tend to defend or attack. I don't want to hear negative things about myself, especially from someone I love or who is very important to me.   If I hear something unfavorable coming from another, I can refute their comments or talk about myself and create connections.   Example:   They:   "You don't give me a kiss when I come home."   Me:   "Well, the last time I tried, you rebuffed me and turned away." or Me:   "Sounds like you are feeling unappreciated. I need to work on that."   It's often easier to blame others than to look inward and see what I can do to improve the situation. While I might wish for the other person to change, it's my responsibility to work on myself instead of placing blame. By focusing on my growth and changing myself, I avoid projecting my insecurities onto my partner, reducing conflicts and fostering a healthier relationship.   How about you? How do you use the word "you"  in communications?   Watch for the blind spots. Thank you for your feedback. Please like, share and comment.   Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships .  Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

I often notice how minor disagreements can turn into major arguments. This occurs when either participant has unfinished business. Arguments are, in many ways, unfinished business. I often see folks getting into heated debates over the thermostat setting, the TV volume, or other minor issues. But what's really going on beneath the surface? I call it The Iceberg Concept .  Imagine an iceberg—only a small part is visible above the water, while the bulk of it lies hidden beneath. In arguments, that visible tip is the trivial issue at hand. The real problem?  The vast, hidden mass below the surface— past hurts, unresolved issues, and feelings of being underappreciated. These underlying issues act like a cauldron, simmering just below the surface. When a confrontation arises, they bubble up, making the present issue seem much larger and more significant than it is. The argument about the thermostat isn't just about temperature; it's about feeling ignored or undervalued over time. This concept helps explain why seemingly minor conflicts can escalate so quickly. The small argument becomes a lightning rod for all those unspoken grievances. It's not really about the TV volume; it's about feeling like your needs are consistently overlooked. I try my best not to argue, but when I find myself in an argument, I take a step back. I look to consider if there's more to the story than the immediate issue. Are there unresolved feelings or past hurts driving the conflict? What am I not talking about that I need to talk about?  Addressing underlying issues takes effort, but doing so can prevent minor disagreements from blowing out of proportion and help build healthier, more understanding relationships. How about you? Are you withholding unfinished business that's turning minor disagreements into major conflicts? Watch for the blind spots. Thanks for liking, sharing and commenting. Your feedback is invaluable. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships .  Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

I am not sure where I saw this comment, “I release the need to pay you back,”  but I thought it was a great one. This has nothing to do with finances but harbored negative feelings. It has been easy for me to feel the need to hold a grudge and look for an opportunity for payback. The most significant experience of this for me was in Vietnam. Wow, I felt a duty to pay back.   Today, as I hear North Vietnamese and Viet Cong soldiers speaking out about the war, I recognize a shared experience: l ike me, they were thrust into a conflict they didn’t choose.   Instead of harboring hate or seeking revenge, I feel a sense of kinship.   Fifty-eight years later, in a world where negative emotions often run high, it’s too easy to get caught up in the cycle of payback and retaliation. Whether it’s a slight at work, a personal betrayal, or a simple misunderstanding, the desire to “even the score”  can be overwhelming. However, I’ve realized that holding onto the need for payback when it stems from negative emotions does more harm than good.   Letting go of the urge for revenge doesn't mean ignoring injustices or letting others take advantage of me; it means acknowledging that holding onto negative emotions like anger, resentment, and bitterness—only weighs me down. These emotions cloud my judgment, affect my mental health, and strain my relationships.   Releasing my grip allows me to see situations from a broader perspective and to consider the underlying reasons behind someone’s actions. This doesn’t mean excusing bad behavior but approaching conflicts with a more compassionate mindset.   The desire for payback may be a natural human response, but it’s essential to recognize when negative emotions drive it. Choosing to let go of this need can lead to personal freedom, healthier relationships, and a more positive outlook. It’s a powerful choice that can transform our lives and the world around us.   How about you? Are you held down by holding on to paybacks?   Watch for the blind spots.     Thank you for taking the time to comment, like and share. Your feedback is important. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships .  Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

I accept you as Jesus has accepted me. In a world often divided and filled with judgment and criticism, the act of acceptance can be incredibly powerful. As a follower of Jesus, I strive to embrace others just as Jesus accepted me—unconditionally and with open arms.   I have many faults, shortcomings, blind spots, and quirks that may not appear favorable to some in my world, and I have made many mistakes that have hurt or offended others.   Jesus didn’t cast stones or demand perfection. Instead, He offered love, understanding, and the promise of redemption. Reflecting on His teachings, I am reminded of the importance of extending the same grace and acceptance to others My acceptance doesn’t mean condoning every action or agreeing with every viewpoint.  It means recognizing the inherent worth of every individual and understanding that we are all on our unique journeys. When Jesus accepted me, He saw past my flaws and failures. He saw my potential and the goodness within. His love transformed me, showing me that acceptance can lead to profound change and growth.   In my daily interactions, it’s easy to be critical or close myself off from different people. But what if I chose to see others through the eyes of Christ? What if I extended kindness, even when it’s hard, and sought understanding rather than judgement?   Imagine the impact of saying, “I accept you as Jesus accepted me,”  to someone who feels lost, unloved, or critical of me due to my beliefs. Such a statement isn’t just words; it’s a commitment to living out the teachings of Christ.   Acceptance can be a beacon of hope in someone’s life. It can mend broken relationships, foster community, and heal a fractured world. By accepting others as Jesus accepted me, I   become an instrument of His love, spreading compassion and understanding in every interaction. Again, acceptance is not agreement.   What about you? Can your judgment get in the way of acceptance?     Watch for the blind spots.   I appreciate your feedback. Please like, share and comment. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships .  Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

“Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, and forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.”    Ephesians 4:32 In our current chaotic whirlwind, grace seems like a rare gem. God’s grace is free and abundant, requiring no price and impossible to earn. In our tumultuous times, the practice of grace feels like a rebellion against this overwhelming unrest. Grace in relationships means extending kindness, forgiveness, and understanding to others, even when they least deserve it.  [Blind Spot] It involves approaching interactions with empathy and compassion, maintaining a positive and respectful demeanor even amid conflict or disagreement. We all make mistakes, often hurting those we care about. [Blind Spot] The beauty lies in the ability to remain gracious.  Just as God’s grace is unearned, applying this in our relationships can be transformative. When one shows grace, it often inspires the other to reciprocate with love and appreciation. Practicing grace means avoiding judgment and criticism. It involves acknowledging our faults, making amends when necessary, and striving to improve. Grace in relationships profoundly impacts the quality of connection. It fosters trust, deepens emotional intimacy, and creates mutual respect and admiration. It also helps in resolving conflicts, promoting forgiveness and healing during strife. Ultimately, practicing grace requires prioritizing others' well-being and approaching interactions with kindness, compassion, and understanding. By doing so, we cultivate a deeper, more meaningful, and peaceful environment. How about you? How are you showing grace in these turbulent times? I know it's something I can always work on. Watch for the blind spots. I appreciate your taking the time to like, share and comment. Your feedback is invaluable and I want to thank you. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships .  Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

Busyness can start innocently enough— a few extra tasks here, a little more time at work there. Before you know it, you're caught in a whirlwind of activity, barely able to catch your breath. This constant state of motion can blind you to the things that truly matter.   There's a song that goes, "I'm in a hurry to get things done, oooh I rush and rush until life's no fun..."  ending with, "I'm in a hurry and don't know why..."  This sentiment echoes the old saying, "The hurrier I go, the behinder I get..."   Busyness can be a [blind spot] that prevents you from recognizing what you desperately need. I know your to-do list is likely close by, packed with tasks, making it a very ‘busy’ day.   Sometimes, we know there's a better way to do things, but we feel so 'busy' that we don't even think we have the time to find it–so we keep going like we always have. [Blind Spot]   Busyness can creep up so subtly that you don’t realize what's happening until it's too late—a broken marriage, strained relationships, health scares, anxiety attacks. These are the devastating consequences of not addressing our ‘ busyness’.   What I want you to hear is this:  You have this one fantastic life. I don't want you to get up every morning feeling totally exhausted and defeated before it even begins.   Time is the greatest gift we have because it's the only thing we can never get back.   How you devote your time is how you devote your life.   Don’t let ‘busy’ steal your moments or rob you of the joy and fulfillment that comes from living a balanced and intentional life.   Happy Wednesday and remember to just breathe!   Watch for the blind spots.   Thanks for your feedback, please like, share and comment. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships .  Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

Throughout my life, I've experienced the joy that anticipation brings. Looking forward to a vacation, starting a new job, the birth of my boys, reunions, and holidays fills me with excitement and enthusiastically propels me into the future.   The song "Anticipation" by Carly Simon captures this feeling of yearning for future moments and the eagerness accompanying it. Anticipation is a powerful and rewarding emotion, playing a significant role in building hope for the future. It creates a sense of excitement and expectation for positive or enjoyable events. This emotion is pleasurable and has profound psychological benefits, contributing to well-being and optimism.   Anticipation activates the brain's reward system.  When I look forward to something, my brain releases dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and motivation. This release creates a sense of happiness and excitement, enhancing our overall mood. Anticipating something enjoyable can be as pleasurable as the experience, sometimes even more so. This phenomenon highlights how looking forward to future events can bring immediate joy.   Anticipation also plays a crucial role in goal setting and motivation.   When I have something to look forward to, I am more likely to set goals and take proactive steps to achieve them. This perspective helps me stay focused and motivated, fostering a sense of purpose and direction. Knowing something positive is on the horizon can be a powerful motivator, pushing us to overcome challenges and stay committed to our objectives.   Anticipation builds hope for the future.  It stimulates my brain's reward system, enhancing motivation, and fostering a hopeful mindset, which is essential for resilience. When I anticipate positive outcomes, I develop the emotional strength to persevere through adversity, maintaining a positive outlook even in difficult times. This sense of anticipation is crucial for mental and emotional well-being, enriching my life and helping me navigate the complexities of existence with optimism and joy.   How about you? Do you have exciting plans that fill you with anticipation?   Watch for the blind spots. Thank you for your feedback, I appreciate you taking the time to like, share and comment.   Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships .  Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

Many years ago, I spoke with a young man who regularly listened to music with lyrics about violence, cop killing, and the positive effects of drugs. He firmly believed that this music did not influence his actions or beliefs, a perspective that contradicted my own views.   For me, music has an undeniable influence on my life, subtly shaping my choices and actions. I am certain that music impacts my moods, behaviors, and even decisions. Although I do not listen to a lot of music, upbeat songs elevate my spirits and make me feel optimistic, while slower, melancholic tunes evoke a sense of nostalgia or introspection. This emotional influence drives my choices, such as opting for a night out with friends after listening to lively dance tracks or choosing a quiet evening at home after being moved by an expressive ballad.   Music's tempo and rhythm also influence my physical actions. Fast-paced music with a strong beat enhances physical performance, making it a popular choice for workouts and sports activities. It increases my heart rate and adrenaline levels, pushing me to move faster and work harder. Conversely, calm, soothing music slows down my heart rate and promotes relaxation, often used in yoga, meditation, and even during bedtime routines.   I love religious, patriotic, and country music. The genres I prefer reflect and reinforce my identity, influencing the way I dress, the places I frequent, and the people I associate with. I rely on my kind of music for motivation and inspiration. This kind of music makes me a better man.   The music I listen to is more than just entertainment; it's a powerful influence on my daily life, well-being, and decision-making. It motivates me to exercise, helps me relax, calls me to my Lord and Savior, and shapes my social identities. Music is a potent force that guides and reflects who I am.   How about you? Does your music inspire and motivate you?   Watch for the blind spots. I appreciate your time and feedback, thank you for liking, sharing and commenting.   Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships .  Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

I often talk to couples who unknowingly create distance in their relationships and struggle with reconciliation. Relationships can be a delicate balance, especially when one partner seeks connection, and the other isn't ready. This dynamic termed the " distancer-pursuer"  from The Gottman Institute, identifies how relationships can create a frustrating cycle.   Picture Ralph and Robin, once close but now drifting apart. Ralph feels the distance and decides it's time to make amends. He reaches out, but Robin isn't ready. She's still sorting through her feelings and needs more time.   Seeing Ralph's efforts, Robin starts to feel guilty. She values his attempts and decides to meet him halfway. By this time, though, Ralph is hurt by her initial rejection. He pouts and keeps his distance, thinking Robin should've been ready when he was.   Now, it's Ralph's turn to reflect. He realizes that pouting isn't helping. Tentatively, he reaches out to Robin again. But the dance continues—Robin hesitates, wary of being hurt again. They both blame each other, feeling they're doing their best while the other isn't reciprocating.   This ongoing dance is typical of the distancer-pursuer  relationship. One partner (the pursuer)  seeks closeness and connection, while the other (the distancer) needs space and time. This dynamic can go on indefinitely, with both feeling frustrated and misunderstood.   To break free from this pattern, one of them must stand still, emotionally and mentally,  allowing the other to connect without pressure. This act of patience and understanding can pave the way for genuine reconciliation. It takes courage to step out of the dance, to stop the back-and-forth, and to be present for each other.   By recognizing this dynamic and consciously trying to reconcile, Ralph and Robin can find their way back to each other. It won't be easy, but with patience and empathy, they can create a new rhythm  in their relationship, one that's harmonious and fulfilling.   How about you? Do you find yourself in the reconciliation dance?   Watch for the blind spots. Thank you for taking the time to provide feedback. Please like, share and comment. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships .  Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

I often have the privilege of meeting some of the most loving, generous, and kind-hearted people. Unfortunately, others, whom I call parasites,  can sometimes misuse these beautiful traits. Being too kind can lead to exploitation, and I often talk with folks who are exhausted and depleted from giving too much.   Unconsciously attracting parasitic people can be influenced by various personality traits, behaviors, and circumstances. Recognizing these patterns can help us break the cycle and foster healthier relationships.   If you have high levels of empathy, you possess a valuable trait that makes you naturally attuned to others' emotions and needs. However, this same trait can attract those who exploit kindness for their own gain. Parasitic individuals seek out empathetic people because they know they will find a willing and understanding ear. Your empathy is a strength, but it's important to protect it from those who would misuse it.   Not being able to set clear boundaries is another common way to attract parasitic people. When someone is too accommodating, saying "yes"  to everything signals to manipulators that you can be easily taken advantage of. Boundaries are essential in maintaining healthy relationships.   Individuals with low self-esteem might attract parasitic people because they may seek validation from external sources. Parasitic individuals can sense this vulnerability and use it to their advantage, often by offering flattery or false support, only to drain the person's energy and resources over time.   Parasitic individuals thrive in environments where they can operate without being challenged. A fear of confrontation  can make it difficult to stand up to these manipulators. If someone consistently avoids conflict and prioritizes peacekeeping, they may become a target for those looking to exploit their passivity.   Building self-awareness and resilience is crucial to avoid attracting parasitic individuals. Setting firm boundaries, practicing self-care, and seeking support from trusted friends or professionals can help. Strengthening self-esteem and learning to value one's own needs as much as others can create a more balanced dynamic in relationships, ultimately repelling those who seek to take advantage.   How about you? Are you in parasitic relationships, either acting as a host to parasites or being one yourself?   Watch for the blind spots. Thank you for your feedback, like, share and comment. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships .  Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

🌟 I've always found joy in helping others. 👌 As a young boy, I once helped an elderly couple change a flat tire at Red Bluff Country Store near Lake Nasworthy. Thanks to my dad's teachings, it was an easy task for me. The old man was struggling in the heat, and when I jumped in to assist, he was pleasantly surprised. After changing the tire and putting the flat one in the trunk, he offered me a dollar and some change, which I politely declined. Watching them drive away, waving, I realized that what seemed like a simple task to me was a miracle for him. 🚗💕 As an older man, I've experienced similar moments where small acts of kindness from others have felt like miracles to me. Just yesterday, I struggled with a faulty garage door. After an hour of futile attempts to fix it, I called a repairman. My son helped lift the door so we could get the vehicles out, as the repairman wouldn't be available for a few days. What was an easy task for him was a tremendous help to me, and I felt grateful for his assistance—a small task for him but a miracle for me. 🔧😊 Ever notice how a simple smile from someone can lift your spirits? 😊 Or how a brief word of encouragement can turn your day around? 💬 Often taken for granted, these little things can create tiny miracles for others. 🌈 A handwritten note or a thoughtful text message can also work wonders. ✉️📱 In today's digital age, a personal touch can make all the difference, reminding recipients that they are important and cherished. 💌 Even offering help with small tasks, though minor, can ease burdens and bring a sense of relief. 🤝 When we all engage in these little acts of kindness, we create a ripple effect that can lead to significant, positive changes in the world around us. 🌍 Never underestimate the power of the small gifts in life – they can create miracles for others. ✨ How about you? Are you creating the miracles you're capable of? 💪 Watch for the blind spots. 👀 Thank you for your feedback, I appreciate you taking the time to like, share and comment. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships .  Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp