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Often, it is easy to say, "I'm not going to say anything because that would just cause more problems." The problem with withholding conversation is that it is easy to assume what the other is experiencing or thinking, and we are poor mind readers at best. The unspoken words often carry more weight than the spoken words. This truth underscores a paradox: While communication is the cornerstone of healthy relationships, withholding information, not what we express, sows the seeds of misunderstanding, resentment, and conflict. Silence, or the act of withholding communication, can manifest in numerous ways: the unresolved argument that lingers in the air like a heavy fog, the unexpressed affection that withers in the heart, or the unshared pain that deepens the solitary burden. Each of these silences is a barrier to intimacy, creating a buffer zone where misunderstanding flourishes and connection fades. The irony lies in our belief that silence can sometimes protect us or our relationships from harm. In reality, it often does the opposite. Non-verbal cues, too, speak volumes. The sighs, the turning away, the slight tension that lingers in the air— these signals often carry a subtext that is missed or misinterpreted. The danger is that, over time, these unaddressed feelings and needs accumulate, building an invisible wall that can eventually seem insurmountable. Sometimes, the fear of vulnerability is a significant factor driving us to silence. Sharing our deepest fears, desires, and insecurities exposes us to potential hurt and rejection. However, it is precisely through this sharing that relationships deepen and grow. Vulnerability fosters empathy, connection, and understanding, serving as the antidote to the poison of silence. "The story I am telling myself is..." Brene Brown uses this opener to break the ice of silence. Telling the story of what I am thinking or feeling is a beautiful way to engage in a non-threatening manner. When I talk about myself, there is very little room to argue. How about you? What are your unspoken words? Watch for the blind spots. Thanks for your feedback. Please like, share or comment, I appreciate it. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

It is very evident to me how easily I become defensive when I am told something negative about myself. I spent many of my earlier years denying or refuting words that I felt might cause me to look bad. I wanted to rationalize, minimize, or justify pejorative words, especially from anyone important in my life. I see this playing out in my office on a daily basis. One person makes a negative comment and the other rushes to defend or attack. This is a major blind spot that permeates relationships causing destruction and separateness. It is cultural to defend negative comments making it even more of a blind spot. If someone perceives me as offensive in any manner and I don’t attempt to rectify it, I will continue to push them away. Pointing out negative things in each other can be complementary. Yes, you read that correctly. To identify negative actions or behaviors of others can cause change that allows closeness rather than distance. This calls for planning and consideration. If one person can bring attention to another's offensive behavior, it can benefit both parties. It is common for many people to respond negatively or with opposition to remarks made in an offensive or defensive manner. Defensiveness or attack causes emotional reactions that leave little room for a strategic rebuttal. If I am operating out of my emotions, my intellect is poorly employed. If there is a fear of losing a relationship, defensiveness may be a natural reaction to avoid conflict and show the other they are incorrect and therefore remain in their good graces. Today I see no reason to be defensive when negative comments are thrown my way. It is not easy to allow them to go past me into thin air, yet it does me little good to attempt to convince someone they are wrong. When I don’t defend my position, the conversation doesn’t last.  I chose to be clear, consistent, and not convincing. How about you? Is defensiveness in your arsenal? Watch for the blind spots. Thanks for your feedback, I appreciate it. Please like, share and comment. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

Tim Sanders's book, The Likeability Factor, is simple yet complex. The summary is that likable people succeed. This sounds like a simple principle, yet when I look at myself, I see all the good things I can find. Therefore, I must be likable. [Blind Spot] Sure, I am good at some things that cause me to be likable, but what am I doing that causes me to be unlikable? I play many roles in life. I am good in some of these roles but not in others. It is the 'others' that I need to become aware of because there are blind spots that I can't see or choose not to see. How many times have I heard words that would lead me to become more likable, but because they were non-complementary, I discounted them? Words like angry, loud, know-it-all, Mr. Right and many more. You know, the ones we disregard because they are not complementary. These are the words people who love and care about us tell us. They say it not to complain but to make us better people, and easier to be around. Wow, that is so hard to hear. Yet, being able to listen effectively can make us more likable. Here are several key qualities and behaviors that tend to make a person likable in any setting: Empathy and Understanding Reliability and Competence Positive Attitude Good Communication Skills Respectfulness Collaborative Spirit Humor and Light-heartedness Adaptability And Integrity Humility Friendliness and Approachability Resolving Conflicts Amicably I want to nurture a space where everyone feels valued, supported, and connected, making my home, work, and neighborhood a true sanctuary for all. To be likable, I don't have to give up my beliefs or be too agreeable; it just means having good, respectful, and meaningful interactions with people. How about you? Where are you on the likeability scale in the many roles you play? Watch for the blind spots. Thanks for your feedback, please like, share and comment. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

It will be okay." My dear mom spoke these words of comfort and wisdom. It seems that as a young boy, Mom's words were the best. When I was banged up physically or hurt emotionally, Mom was there with these words, and it did get to be okay. Things did not always turn out how I wanted, yet they were okay. Sometimes, it is impossible to see that it is okay in the moment. Time has a remarkable way of healing life's pains and skinned knees. Hearing these words provided me with emotional comfort and caring about my well-being and showed me I was not alone in facing my challenges. I was reminded that difficult situations are temporary and that better times lie ahead. It helped alleviate feelings of despair or hopelessness. During these challenging times, losing perspective and becoming overwhelmed by negative thoughts was easy. Hearing these reassuring words helped to shift my perspective, reminding me that setbacks are a normal part of life and I have the strength to overcome them. All I needed was validation that what I was going through was normal and that my feelings were understood. Hearing "It will be okay" can help reduce stress and anxiety. When stressed, our bodies produce cortisol, a hormone associated with the fight-or-flight response. Reassurance helps to calm the nervous system, reducing cortisol levels and promoting relaxation. Mom's reassuring words empowered me to act and move forward, reminding me that I could overcome challenges and that I was not powerless in the face of the unknown. Over time, hearing reassuring words helped build resilience, enabling me to bounce back more quickly from setbacks and cope more effectively with future challenges. Oh, how I would like to hear her say those precious words today. I still carry them in my heart, and when adversity comes my way, I silently say to myself, "It will be okay." Thanks, Mom; this is only one of the many gifts you left with me. How about you? Do you need to say or hear my mother's words? "Yes, it will be okay." Watch for the blind spots. Thank you for your feedback. Please like, share and comments. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

My life is a journey along a highway, with smooth stretches and unexpected potholes dotting the path. While it's natural to yearn for the ease of cruising along smooth roads, the potholes remind me of the reality of the journey. Smooth highways represent moments of comfort, stability, and ease. They symbolize periods in my life when everything seems to fall into place, when challenges are minimal, and when I feel a sense of flow and contentment. During these times, I may take these blessings for granted, basking in the comfort of familiarity and predictability. However, loss, pain, disappointments, and circumstances out of my control remind me that the journey is not always smooth. These are the unexpected obstacles, setbacks, and challenges that inevitably arise. These potholes can shake me to the core, leaving me disoriented and vulnerable. Yet, amidst the discomfort and adversity lies strength and comfort in the arms of Jesus. Potholes force me to slow down, confront my weaknesses, reassess my priorities, and tap into my reservoir of faith. They remind me that I am not in control. Just as darkness accentuates the brilliance of light, the potholes amplify my gratitude for the gifts of peace and joy in my life. It is through encountering potholes that I have learned to appreciate the smooth ride. The contrast between the rough patches and the smooth stretches highlights the beauty of both experiences. Each pothole becomes a lesson in resilience, humility, and gratitude. They teach me to cherish the moments of calm amidst life's storms, find strength in Jesus, and embrace the journey's unpredictability. As I navigate life's highways, encountering potholes along the way; let me greet them with openness and gratitude, knowing that I am not in charge. Through embracing Jesus, I can discern my response to these interruptions. How about you? Do you hold on to your faith while experiencing the potholes of life? Watch for the blind spots. Thanks for your feedback, it is invaluable. Please like, share and comment. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships.  Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

Too often, I have said or done something with my best intentions only to find that it offended someone. Ouch! I recall times when I used humor to create a joyful experience or atmosphere and it fell flat. Intent versus impact is a delicate balance. It's the interplay between what I intend to convey or achieve and how others perceive my words and actions. Often, this creates a significant gap. I believe my intentions are clear and noble. I think I act with kindness, offer advice with sincerity, and express opinions with the best intentions. My actions align with my values, and my words reflect my true thoughts and feelings. I perceive myself as empathetic, considerate, and well-meaning. I expect others to perceive me the same. [Blind Spot] What I intend to communicate is often times different from what others receive. Despite my best efforts, misunderstandings can arise, feelings can be hurt, and conflicts can emerge. My well-intended comments may be perceived as insensitive, my constructive criticism as harsh, and my humor as offensive. This conflict between intent and impact becomes particularly evident when I receive feedback from others. It's humbling to realize that despite my intentions, my actions have consequences that I may not have anticipated. Feedback serves as a mirror, reflecting on how others perceive me. It provides valuable insights into areas where I may need to adjust my behavior or communication style to align more closely with my intentions. This feedback is the critical mechanism that highlights my blind spots. To dismiss it is to fail. To employ it is to flourish. Reconciling these differences between self-perception and external perception requires humility, self-awareness, and a willingness to listen and learn from the perspectives of others. Rather than dismissing feedback or becoming defensive, I can use it as an opportunity for growth and self-improvement. I strive to bridge this gap with grace and compassion for myself and others. How about you? Does your intent reflect your impact? Watch for the blind spots. Thanks for your feedback. Please like, share and comment. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

In relationships, "why" can be a substitute for "Prove to me, but I bet you can't." I call “why” the worry question. Questions like: Why are you late? Why are you telling me this? Why didn't you call? Why questions display an attitude of emotional frustration. Why questions in relationships have unhealthy energy that shifts to another? This little three-letter word can create unnecessary stress and anxiety. Continuing to ask "why" can indicate a lack of mistrust that erodes the relationship's foundation. Instead of openly discussing feelings and concerns, it is easy to get stuck in a cycle of interrogation, making the other feel defensive and less likely to communicate openly. I expose my insecurity when I ask why excessively. It can indicate a need for reassurance or validation, which, if not appropriately addressed, can become a source of tension in the relationship. Constantly asking "why" can lead to micromanaging my partner's actions and decisions. This can suffocate and make your partner feel continually scrutinized, which is not conducive to a healthy relationship dynamic. Substituting "How come?" or "Help me understand" is a gentle and engaging question rather than caustic or repelling. These types of questions open communication because they do not initiate defensiveness. I disclose my concerns by talking about myself, which fosters connections, rather than asking why. Instead of saying, "Why are you late?" I could say something about myself, "I'm glad to see you. I was worried. I was making up a story about you being in an accident or forgetting me. Isn't that amazing?" When I worry, I can make up the darndest stories. This kind of conversation promotes connection, builds relationships, and allows me to be honest about my concerns rather than cause defensiveness and separateness. How about you? Would you be willing to substitute a conversation about yourself rather than put the other on the defensive by asking “why”? Watch for the blind spots. Thanks for your feedback. I appreciate it. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

During a conversation with a couple a few days ago, I overheard a remark that struck a chord within me. The wife expressed her feeling as though he was treating her like he was her dad. He quickly dismissed it, stating he would never do such a thing. Instantly, my alarm bells rang, triggering a sense of déjà vu. How often had I found myself in similar situations, oblivious to my offensive behavior or tone? Reflecting on past encounters, I remembered how my inability to accept constructive criticism hindered my relationships. My failure to acknowledge my imperfections had inadvertently caused harm and discord, leading to misunderstandings and conflicts. This inability to hear feedback effectively obstructed communication and understanding, resulting in the gradual deterioration for a meaningful connection. You are loud, controlling, perfect, angry, mean, and right are just a few words that reveal important clues that a relationship is in trouble. To dismiss these cries for help is to not hear a cry for a closer relationship. These words can be heard as complaints, but I now see them as compliments in disguise. I would feel closer to you if I was not treated this way. Neglecting to pay attention to constructive criticism stunted my personal growth and development. I was unaware that constructive feedback is a valuable tool for self-improvement, offering insights into areas needing refinement. Yet, my reluctance to accept criticism left me stagnant, missing out on opportunities for growth and development. I had a delicate opportunity to assist the husband in recognizing that she was giving this feedback so she could feel closer to him. It was important to help him understand and appreciate his defensiveness and inability to hear such important information kept him at bay. We talked about her experience of being treated like a small girl and how this experience was such a turnoff to intimacy and connection. He was able to hear that he was pushing her away. The key is if the lesson sticks. How about you? Can you hear what you don’t want to hear? Watch for the blind spots. I appreciate your feedback. Please like, share and comment. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

Some time back, I was talking with Ralph and Robin. Their children's activities filled their calendar, which was a burden for their family. The stress brought on by the upheaval in the family affected their communication. Ralph and Robin faced the typical challenges of balancing work, family, and personal aspirations. Relationships can quickly become strained under the weight of responsibilities and distractions. As we worked through some of these issues, the word prudence came up in our conversation. Prudence is a rather uncommon word in my circle. At its core, prudence is about foresight, discernment, and sound judgment. In a world that often celebrates impulsivity and instant gratification, prudence stands as wisdom, reminding us to pause, reflect, and consider the long-term implications of decisions. It provides the capacity to thoroughly consider the effects of our decisions before leaping into the unknown. Recognizing that impulsive reactions and hasty decisions often lead to misunderstandings and conflict, the couple embarked on a journey to become intentionally prudent. We discussed thoughtful communication, taking the time to listen and understand each other's perspectives before responding. Rather than responding rashly to arguments or annoyances, they exercised self-control and patience, letting feelings subside before tackling problems. Prudence became their guiding light, influencing their communication and their decision-making. From financial planning to parenting choices, they carefully considered each situation, weighing the potential outcomes and implications. Rather than challenging each other, this newfound focus on prudence fostered a sense of trust and stability in their relationship as they learned to rely on each other's judgment and support. Over time, Ralph and Robin noticed a significant shift in their relationship. By prioritizing prudence, they found themselves better equipped to navigate the challenges they faced as a couple. They became more resilient and found strength in their shared commitments. By embracing prudence as a guiding principle, they discovered a more profound sense of connection, understanding, and harmony in their relationship, laying a solid foundation for a future filled with love and growth. How about you? Could your focus on prudence enhance your relationship? Watch for the blind spots. Thank you for your feedback, it is invaluable to me. Please like, share and comment. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

I may not be as young or agile as some of you. I have worked with computers for 30 years but consider myself a sixth or seventh grader in IT. I occasionally purchase new software to make my work more accessible, but I only find myself behind the eight ball again. I like to have things working well and not be waiting on anyone for answers. Occasionally, I hit my wits end. Yep, this is where I am no longer in charge, and sometimes, I need to figure out where to go for answers. I come from the world of picking up the phone, dialing a number, and talking through issues until they are resolved. That is not my world today. Looking for answers online is sometimes fun and productive when I find what I am looking for. I find that familiar "at my wits end" experience if I can't. For the past two weeks, I have been searching for assistance with my new software. On the chat lines, I have been getting tiny bits of information but mostly referrals to another person or department who fails to respond. Guess what? I have it all figured out today. What a refreshing feeling. When I hit my wit's end, it feels as if my mental and emotional resources are depleted. A new beginning is not just a fresh start but a deeper journey into self-awareness and self-expression. It's about exploring uncharted territories and cultivating a mindset that sees opportunities in obstacles. I must remember every time I hit my wit's end, I am presented with a blank canvas, inviting me to paint a new picture of growth, resilience, and the endless possibilities that life offers. It is a great experience to get answers. I must remind myself when answers are not readily available, and I'm at my wits' end, that it's not the end, but a pivotal point that reveals new beginnings. How about you? Do you need to be reminded of your opportunities for new beginnings? Watch for the blind spots. Thanks for your feedback. I appreciate you liking, sharing and commenting. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

At times, I meet with a quiet and shy person who prefers to avoid visual and verbal contact. It is fascinating to go to a coffee shop with them and see how often they can transcend their inhibitions and get a gentle reaction from others. I learned this through lunch with friends who are much more gregarious than I am. My life is busy, and I take pleasure in learning something different. I often get a kick out of surprising someone with a warm hello. It occasionally catches them off guard, and they come back with a surprised but welcoming hello. I have also been the recipient of such a surprise hello and find it very enjoyable. Wake up and smell the coffee, Jerry! With his wit and warmth, Will Rogers gifted us a profound insight when he said, "A stranger is just a friend you ain't met yet." This phrase, simple at first glance, holds deep wisdom about the nature of human connections and the potential each new encounter harbors. It commands me to view every unfamiliar face not with apprehension but with the anticipation of friendship. In my fast-paced world, where isolation often creeps into my crowded life, Rogers' words echo a timeless call to rediscover the joy of connecting with others. This magic often starts with a friendly smile. This universal sign of goodwill can bridge worlds, transcending language, and cultural barriers. It's an invitation, a silent greeting that says, "I see you, and I come in peace." A smile can disarm doubts, soften hearts, and pave the way for a genuine connection. It's the first step in turning the unknown into the familiar, a stranger into a friend. Will Rogers' quote is a gentle reminder of the beauty and simplicity of human connection. I enjoy giving away a friendly smile, a kind gesture, an open posture, and other means of reaching out to strangers. I'm looking for friends I ain't met yet. How about you? Have you met any strangers lately that could be your friend? Watch for the blind spots. I appreciate your feedback. Please like, share or comment. Thank you. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

Last week's sermon focused on the parable of the Good Samaritan. It spoke of Jesus' teaching about going beyond cultural or religious borders. It emphasized loving others as we love ourselves, highlighting the universal need for kindness, compassion, and understanding. This message resonates deeply, challenging me to overcome ingrained biases from my upbringing. Growing up, I learned to focus on judgment and exclude those different from me. This reminder that a true neighbor isn't conditional on agreement but is about building a community anchored in empathy and support. Today, where digital interactions often overshadow physical connections, being a considerate neighbor is essential. I witness the rise of hate, judgment, and divisiveness, underscoring the importance of kindness and understanding. Today, my journey toward being a good neighbor begins with similarities, not differences. It starts with respect—acknowledging each other's privacy, space, and peace. It's about fostering open, honest communication, greeting others with a smile, and addressing concerns with diplomacy. This approach builds trust and solid, resilient connections. I want to be present for others, especially in challenging times. Whether it's ordinary tasks or more resounding support during personal struggles, these acts of kindness create a cohesive community. At the core of such interactions is empathy. Appreciating others' experiences, sharing their joys and sorrows, and recognizing shared humanity enrich the community spirit. I have grown to know everyone has a unique story, and acknowledging this diversity with empathy and care can transform my connections into a supporting environment. When I commit to being a good neighbor, I commit to a welcoming, safe, and inclusive experience for all around me. It involves practicing kindness, respect, and a collective responsibility toward well-being. By representing these values, I enhance my life and inspire others, encouraging them to contribute to a culture of understanding and support. Being a good neighbor is about cultivating a space where everyone is valued and establishing a community that thrives on mutual respect and shared joy. How about you? Who is your neighbor? Watch for the blind spots. I appreciate your feedback. Thank you for liking, sharing and commenting. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp