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Continuing our conversation from the post on Monday, “Safe Listening,” combined with gently curious questions softly probe thoughts and ideas causing others to learn more about themselves while you are also gaining information. These types of questions allow you to drill down and get a deeper understanding of the circumstances that may be contributing to one’s emotional distress. An emotional person cannot hear facts. I say that when someone is hurt, frustrated, confused, or at their wits end, the best way to connect is not to give them information to try to fix their situation. It is best to first connect with them emotionally by engaging with gently curious questions. Empathy can be the best way of connecting and defusing an issue with them in this emotional state. Generally, when an emotional person presents their issue with a sense of anxiety, it seems the cultural approach is to “fix them.” This is the last thing they are looking for and can cause more anxiety. As their anxiety rises, so will yours, and if you're not careful, an argument will ensue that will usually not address the original one's anxiety and will cause distance in the conversation and thus the relationship. Someone says, “I am not smart, or I am dumb,” our cultural response is, “You are so smart, or No you’re not dumb.” Notice how easy it is to interpret their statement as “they” are wrong. Now they can feel confused, frustrated, and wrong. The idea is to gently come along side of them in conversation, so they can talk more about their emotional energy rather than hear my attempt to fix them. Let me stop here and say that in my way of thinking, asking “why” is not gently curious. Why can mean prove to me and I bet you can’t. Why can be loaded with so much energy behind it that no answer can cause connection or diffuse the energy generated by it. Example: “Why are you late”, or “Why didn’t you return my call?" These are 'why' questions are repelling and not attracting. “Help me understand?” or “How come?” These are great gently curious questions. Opening with these questions will connect you rather than starting with the “Why.” Additional questions could be, “What else can you tell me about this?” “What is not being said that needs to be said about this issue?” “What do you need from me?” Do not challenge the answers to any gently curious questions immediately, this will allow you to drill down and generate another gently curious question. Example: The issue is, “I’m not very smart.” Dad: How long have you been thinking that way? Son: Since my last look at my grades. Dad: What did your grades tell you? Son: That I have all c’s and one b. I know you don’t think I’m smart. Dad: How come you don’t think I think you are smart? (notice, I didn’t respond and disagree) Son: Because my grades are down. Dad: Do you think I love you if your grades are down? Son: No. Dad: How come? (again, I didn’t challenge their wrong impression of me) Son: Because you are always asking about my grades. Dad: How can I support you without asking about your grades? Son: I don’t know, maybe just help me when I need it. Dad: I can do that. Now, I wait a minimum of 2 hrs. and return and ask, “Remember when you said that you were not smart, would it be okay if I disagree with that, (another gently curious question) I think you are very smart. It is easier for them to hear my disagreement or my compliment after their anxiety recedes. These and other gently curious questions can foster connection, allowing you to return to the person later and share some of your thoughts and ideas. You will not connect as well if you offer advice or attempt to fix too soon. Employ these gently curious questions and look for the blind spots. Please comment, like, and share these posts. You can get a copy of my book below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #blindspots #beahero #inspiration #lesbrown #counselingworks #mindsetmatters #herosjourney #bettereveryday #changeyourlife #selfempowerment #mindset #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #resetyourmind #livefulldieempty #LiveFull #thankfulwednesday #WednesdayWisdom #wednesdaymotivation #WednesdayThoughts #safelistening #listening #listen

I was talking to a single mom many years ago. She reported that her15-year-old daughter told her everything. She knew, who was doing drugs, drinking alcohol, skipping school, sneaking out at night, and so many other things going on in her daughter's life. I was amazed at her honesty with her mom and immediately began to think about when my sons were 15. Had they even told me their friends were smoking cigarettes, I would have said, “I better not catch you smoking cigarettes. I better not catch you with a lighter or matches.” Ouch! I can see why my boys would never feel safe telling me anything. This goes to show you how we are all at different levels of parenting skills and emotional maturity. I didn’t want my boys to smoke or be around others who did, but the way I expressed it caused them to disconnect with me verbally and emotionally. This was a huge blind spot for me. I wanted nothing but the best for my boys but was very inept at providing the kind of discipline they needed. My idea of discipline was punishing, not teaching and molding. Ouch! I started thinking about what I might do to learn how to be a safer listener. I needed to receive important information about what is happening in the lives of others who mean so much to me. I typically learned the things I needed to know after the fact rather than at a time when I might be able to ward off a problem. I learned that safe listening involves self-control. This means, not allowing my emotions to override the way I process what I am hearing. Here is a short list of self-assessment questions I use today that enable me to be a safer listener. Do I interrupt? Am I too quick to give advice and cut the speaker off? Do I tell hero stories? Do they feel important when speaking to me? Do they feel intimidated or afraid of me? Do they feel safe to disagree? Do I demonstrate that their voice is important to me? Do I talk too much or not talk enough? Do I embarrass or shame them in any way? Every relationship is at a different stage of communication, trust, and intimacy. These questions are key to becoming a better spouse, friend, parent or neighbor, they are life-changing. A little pre-planning before a conversation can cause a much deeper conversation. The more we talk to connect, the closer and more trusting relationships we build. Once you put these self-assessment questions into practice, it is easy to see how gently curious questions follow safe listening and enhance communications, understanding and connection. Gently curious questions will be revealed in Wednesday’s blog. Stay tuned and watch for the blind spots. Feel free to comment, like, and share these posts. You can get a copy of my book below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #mondaymotivation #mondaymood #mondaymorning #mondaythoughts #blindspots #beahero #inspiration #lesbrown #counselingworks #mindsetmatters #herosjourney #bettereveryday #resetyourmind #changeyourlife #selfempowerment #mindset #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #resetyourmind #livefulldieempty #LiveFull #counselingmatters #safelistening #listening #listen

I was listening to a friend talking about legacy and what he wanted to leave behind when he is gone. He was wanting to make a difference in the world around him. I have thought the same thing. Just look at the people who have left amazing legacies such as business moguls, artist, musicians, politicians, educators, ordinary people, the list is endless. Who would not want to be on the list of major legacy makers. Of course, there are some who might say they don’t care what legacy they leave behind, and it will probably be evident in the end. Looking at these giant legacy makers, I doubt it will ever be me and I’m okay with that. Then my friend said, “We are creating our legacy every day in all the things we say and do whether large or small, whether with many or just a few.” This makes sense to me. I often ask the question, “What do you want your family, friends, and neighbors to say about you?” Looking at this question from a work or business perspective is also very important. In Tim Sanders book “The Likeability Factor”, he talks about our likability. His message is how people who show up as likable seem to get the best opportunities. I say, when we suffer from our blind spots, we are the opposite of his message. Unlikeable people don't often succeed. Sometimes, we show up unlikable and aren’t unaware of it. [Blind Spot] Has anyone ever been passed up for raises or promotions even if they were qualified but unlikable? Has anyone ever lost a job because they couldn’t hear the kind of feedback that would make them better? Does this really happen? How do we show up? This question may be answered differently from our point of view and the point of view of others. This is the purpose of my book, "Blind Spots in Relationships." When I only look at my relationships from my point of view I am blinded by my own opinion and desires. When I dare to seek feedback, I can grow and prosper infinitely. I am always seeking the opportunity to build a better me. Build a better me means to look at my gifts and talents and expand them in every way possible. What am I good at and could use more mastery in attaining it? What am I not so good at and could use enhancements to build a better me? I want to be in search of finding all the gifts God has given me, especially the ones he gave me to give away to others. I believe we owe it to each other, as we journey down life’s highway, to assist in improving our greatness. We can only do this by our openness to hear and give feedback that makes a positive difference. Being closed gives the impression to others that we are perfectly fine with who we are and how we present ourselves, and it can be used to push them out of our lives. The way we present may be the limiting factor in our lives. Build a better me has been my script for many years. I say, “We write the script others use to talk about us. Others talk about the experience they have of us.” What script are you writing today that will be spoken as your legacy? It is so important to remember that we are scripting our legacy in every choice, behavior, conversation, and in every day. What do you want others to say about the real, authentic, day by day you? Watch for the blind spots. Feel free to comment, like, and share these posts. If you need the perfect stocking stuffer, get a copy of my book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #blindspots #beahero #inspiration #lesbrown #counselingworks #mindsetmatters #herosjourney #bettereveryday #changeyourlife #selfempowerment #mindset #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #resetyourmind #livefulldieempty #LiveFull #thankfulwednesday #WednesdayWisdom #wednesdaymotivation #WednesdayThoughts

Pride has many meanings. It can be a sense of warm feelings about family, school, sports teams, and many other examples. It can also mean self-righteousness, arrogance, better than, in control, and other negative characteristics. The latter definition is what I am talking about here. Yesterday I was talking to a great friend who mentioned that at some point in his life he ran out of pride. What an interesting thought? We were talking about our early childhood experiences, and he mentioned growing up with a very harsh dad. This wasn't meant as an indictment of his dad; rather, it was a genuine account of how his early experiences in life shaped the man and dad he became. We are shaped by our interpretation of our experiences. It is easy to replicate our way of life by passing it along to others. He unintentionally instilled this harshness in his son because he felt being beaten down was the way of life. This caused him to be as distant from his son as he and his own dad had been. He could not see what he was doing that created the distance with his son. He just wanted to be a good dad but was not equipped. He was using tactics that didn’t work and just as I have done, he tried the same things harder and louder. Isn’t it interesting that when someone doesn’t understand our message, we think they will if we say it louder. [Blind Spot] After running out of pride, he is now making a successful effort to rebuild the kind of relationship he wants to have with his son and his grandchildren because he recognizes all the mistakes he made. Wow, this has truly brought back my old ways of thinking. I generally felt inferior as I compared myself to my peers. So, I created a shiny outside to mask the dullness, weakness, and lack of value, I felt on the inside. In a sense it made me want to excel which was a good thing. Who doesn't want to look good and excel? Oh, how this desire to look good got in my way. Early on, I have done some fantastic things in life. They all had to do with looking good on the outside but not being equipped to look good on the inside. If I don’t like myself, who will? It took most of my life to run out of the pride that kept me distant from the ones I loved the most. I treated them as I treated myself and I was harsh. People who only knew me superficially knew only the positive aspects of who I was and how I presented. People who really got to know me could see that I was angry, very shy, not confident, and emotionally immature. I wanted others to validate something within me that was nonexistent. It’s great to look back and see how I have matured. Thank you, Lord. The Big Playbook states, “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom." Proverbs 11:2 “I ran out of pride,” that comment from my friend opened the door for me to also see that I too had run out of pride. Man, what a relief. It changed my life. I remember not being able to laugh at myself. Being the butt of any jokes was very uncomfortable, embarrassing and took me down emotionally. Today, I see my faults and weaknesses as opportunity for growth and not debilitating characteristics that condemn me. The warmth and glow caused by self-confidence allows me to feel good about who I am and continue the journey of building a better me, being genuine and authentic. Oh, what a difference it makes. When I feel good about me on the inside, nothing on the outside can harm or insult me. Today, I seek humility. I'm not interested in projecting an air of superiority on the outside. I aspire for myself and others to radiate from the inside out. I want to assist people to feel good and bring out their best inside character. I can accept everything I have done wrong and use these things to make great choices for my future. How about you? Is it the outside or the inside you desire to display? Watch for the blind spots. Feel free to comment, like, and share these posts. If you need the perfect stocking stuffer, get a copy of my book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #mondaymotivation #mondaymood #mondaymorning #mondaythoughts #blindspots #beahero #inspiration #lesbrown #counselingworks #mindsetmatters #herosjourney #bettereveryday #veteransupport #veteransuicide #veteranshelpingveterans #resetyourmind #changeyourlife #selfempowerment #mindset #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #resetyourmind #livefulldieempty #LiveFull

I am reminded of an interview of a famous race car driver. When asked what the most important thing a race car driver could do, he answered, “Don’t look at the wall.” When he was asked to clarify his response, He said, “I go where I am looking.” Enough said. This causes me to reflect on how exposing our blind spots sets us up for emotionally healthy relationships. I need to look for what I want and what I am missing not what is agonizing or troublesome. “Reading Blind Spots in Relationships has been humbling and very eye-opening. With the holidays upon us, I had no idea how often I got annoyed, how much I corrected my husband, and how bad my tone could be. How embarrassing. I’m so glad for the chance to “see this stuff,” so I can make a change!” —D Campbell I think it is time for all of us to “see the stuff.” Tis’ the season, right?! Without realizing it, we can quickly ruin any daily interaction. It is too easy to get busy and caught up in the whirlwind of the season to see when we are being rude or unkind to others. I like to say, “we focus on where we look.” If I focus on the annoying things said by my sister-in-law on social media, I will “see” even more of that and get more annoyed. But if I focus on the fact that my sister-in-law has repeatedly offered to help watch the kids so I can finish decorating and shopping, I will have far more gratitude and far less annoyance. I can’t help but think of the big playbook, Philippians 4:8, “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about these things.” If I am focusing on other things this holiday, well . . . I might be missing something big. Let’s make a conscious effort this month to “focus our thoughts” on the good things. We will surely have victory in our situations and that is exactly what we want to see! Keep looking for the blind spots. Feel free to comment, like, and share these posts. If you need the perfect stocking stuffer, get a copy of my book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #blindspots #beahero #inspiration #lesbrown #counselingworks #mindsetmatters #herosjourney #bettereveryday #veteransupport #veteransuicide #veteranshelpingveterans #resetyourmind #changeyourlife #selfempowerment #mindset #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #resetyourmind #livefulldieempty #LiveFull #friday #fridayvibes #fridaymotivation #fridayinspiration

Dave and George were brothers and had adjoining properties for many years. These properties were adorned with beautiful trees, lush grass, and a small, flowing creek that separated them. Their relationship had grown distant over the years. One would try things to mend the relationship and the other would bring up past grievances. Then the roles would reverse, and the same results came about. The brothers’ inability to unite continued to cause frustration. Their families cherished spending time together on special occasions, whether they were involved in sports, kids’ school events, holidays, or other occasions. Over time, these relationships deteriorated, and everyone was saddened. The brothers' disputes worsened, and they each felt increasingly righteous about their positions. As a result, their relationship reached a crescendo. They agreed the only resolution was to have a tall fence built along the creek to separate them and their properties physically and permanently. And though this agreement satisfied the two of them, it caused terrible grief among the members of the families. Disregarding the family's request, they began to look for The Carpenter who would build the fence. They talked about how high the fence should be and what materials should be used. The expense was unimportant because it would spare them from the pain of seeing each other. They agreed on The Carpenter and trusted him to know just what to do. The Carpenter, along with others in the community, witnessed and were troubled by these two upstanding men who seemed to be so unforgiving of each other. Because The Carpenter knew them and their families very well, he asked them to go away on separate vacations while he completed the project. The Carpenter knew there would be more squabbling and arguing during the construction if the brothers were present. They both arrived back at roughly the same time. They were eager to step outside and take in the peace that the new fence would bring. After all, The Carpenter whom they both knew and trusted, conceived and constructed it. They both stepped out and looked toward the stream that separated the two of them, and to their amazement, they didn’t find a fence, they found a bridge. And it was no ordinary bridge; it was made of heavy timbers that would stand the test of time and the architecture of this beautiful bridge added to the landscape. This was a masterpiece constructed by The Carpenter. There was a sign on the bridge that stated, “We build fences to keep people out. We build bridges to invite them in. Have a great day.” It was signed by The Carpenter. What a wonderful story. How many times do we build fences where we truly know we need to build bridges? I love it when we invite The Carpenter to assist us in relationships. Two bright men, who had allowed something from their past to separate them, could now see an opportunity to connect and that reconnection created joy within their families as well as the community. Life is short, let’s build some bridges. Look for the blind spots. Feel free to comment, like, and share these posts. If you need the perfect stocking stuffer, get a copy of my book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #blindspots #beahero #inspiration #lesbrown #counselingworks #mindsetmatters #herosjourney #bettereveryday #veteransupport #veteransuicide #veteranshelpingveterans #resetyourmind #changeyourlife #selfempowerment #mindset #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #resetyourmind #livefulldieempty #LiveFull #thankfulwednesday #WednesdayWisdom #wednesdaymotivation #WednesdayThoughts

What a wonderful nation we get to live in. Sure, there are many grievances and issues that cause us separation. However, we are linked together by a tapestry of history that is woven together by our veterans who have proudly worn the uniform of this powerful country. Our church has a veteran’s ministry, and we meet to talk about the difficulties that face too many of the proud men and women who have served. This group of veterans comes together weekly to talk about their difficulties fitting in after serving in many different theaters. This is the safest group I have ever participated in. It is difficult to imagine veterans of Korea and Vietnam still suffering after 50-plus years of coming home. Veterans of Iraq, Afghanistan, Bosnia, and so many other conflicts that our military have proudly served are the newest casualties of veterans attempting to come home. Don’t get me wrong, many veterans who have suffered military and war casualties have reentered civilian life with little or no repercussions and have successfully joined civilian life. Others continue to suffer from personal wars of PTSD, depression, anxiety, military sexual abuse, divorce, drugs, alcohol, jobs, getting VA benefits, and so many other issues. None of these are to be compared or judged. Each veteran has had their own experience of military and war. Our veteran's group was formed to have a place to vent and get the support they need and so deserve. It serves as a place to reflect while also feeling valued and understood. It is impossible to genuinely understand someone else's suffering until you have walked in their boots and gone through their experiences. The inability of not being able to tell their story keeps too many things bottled up and sometimes veterans believe that suicide is the only answer. Say what you will about suicide, but when you see the strongest and toughest who have suffered for years, take their lives, I request that they not be judged. I have the utmost respect for all veterans and will proudly defend them. Some go wayward and get into trouble, and I say perhaps we have not done enough to protect them from what they were taught and experienced. They have been trained for months and years and when they are released, there is not enough done to recondition them back to the civilian world. A few months ago, I lost one of my dearest friends to suicide. I loved him so dearly and watched him battle his demons for years and they finally wore him down. And just this week our neighbor, Sara Fontana, lost her nephew, Sean Leahy, to suicide. It has truly saddened me to feel another loss. Sara wrote a poem about Sean and has given me permission to share it with you. It is a powerful message to us all. SUICIDE OF A VETERAN Dedicated to Sean Leahy, my nephew A Veteran Strong, outer presence Crumbling inside Insights within Moments of clarity Authenticity with self and others Is interior strength possible? Constant, relentless Visions, thoughts Tearing at the insight Breaking down strength within Crumbling inside seeps outward The strong outer presence begins to crumble “You would be better off without me…” Offering the ultimate sacrifice, The battle ends with gunfire. Sara Fontana December 3, 2022 Oh, did you wonder about the title of this blog? Well, this is the number reported by the Veterans Administration who take their lives EVERY DAY. YES, 22, EACH AND EVERY DAY. I stand tall and desire to make these folks feel appreciated even though they might not be understood. I encourage you to do the same. Watch for the blind spots. Feel free to comment, like, and share these posts. If you need the perfect stocking stuffer, get a copy of my book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #blindspots #veteransupport #veteransuicide #veteranshelpingveterans #mondaymotivation #mondaymood #mondaymorning #mondaythoughts #beahero #inspiration #lesbrown #counselingworks #mindsetmatters #herosjourney #bettereveryday #resetyourmind #changeyourlife #selfempowerment #mindset #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #resetyourmind #livefulldieempty #LiveFull

In my parenting mode, I have said, “I have told you ten times to stop that or to get this done.” Does this sound familiar? Perhaps you have said the same thing. It is customary for me to use this kind of declaration when I feel that my request has been ignored. Subsequently, I follow up with, “why don’t you do what I asked?” It becomes easy to doubt my own credibility in this situation. I question whether my first nine requests come off as mere suggestions. When I am allowing this to occur, I am promoting poor behavior. It is easy to get upset with them, rather than look at my responsibility in this matter. I need to consider my request and figure out how I fit into this conversation because, wow, assigning blame in this situation is such a blind spot. I should have made sure my request was answered the first time. If I have asked something nine times, I will be mad the tenth time. I have found that gently curious questions can prevent this from happening. “It’s bedtime, what do you know I need you to do?” Follow this up with, “What do you think will happen if you don’t get it completed on time?” I might get various answers, but I will praise them if it is done well, and I will discipline them if it is not. I like to use discipline here not punish. Discipline to me means to teach and mold. Punish indicates inflicting harm or retribution. I choose to teach and mold. Sometimes I use delayed discipline which can be more effective than immediate discipline. At times, I ask for something to get done and my request didn’t get the proper response. Now if I am asked for a favor later (“Can I stay late at Susie’s party?” etc.) I teach and mold with this, “If you had done what I requested last night, do you think I would allow this?” If shoes or a bag are left somewhere they shouldn't be and I ask what they should do with them, and they don't respond, I can take custody of the items, and put them somewhere. When they come looking for them, I will then ask what I requested them to do with them the previous evening. Then I will tell them I took possession of them and put them in one of several places, so they can now go look for them. Again, this is not intended to be punitive; rather, it is intended to cause them to feel the heat and frustration and not me. They now get to look for what they should have taken care of previously. I can use fun, humor, and siding with them during this process. I can even help them look. This doesn't have to be harsh. Do I permit the nine times and let it be okay or do I present my request in a firm believable manner so that I don’t promote sloppy behavior that doesn’t work for anyone? I get to be in control of my disposition when I am strategic and intentional about conveying my needs to others. I choose to be in the teaching, molding method. What about you? Do you promote what you permit? Does this strike a chord? Watch for the blind spots. Feel free to comment, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Scroll down to sign up and publish your comments. Click "Sign Up" and log in with "your" email and password. You will receive a confirmation email to ensure it is you and avoid any discrepancies. Once you are signed up you will not have to sign up again, only log in if necessary. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #blindspots #beahero #inspiration #lesbrown #counselingworks #marriagecounseling #mindsetmatters #champion #herosjourney #bettereveryday #resetyourmind #changeyourlife #selfempowerment #mindset #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #resetyourmind #livefulldieempty #LiveFull #friday #fridayvibes #fridaymotivation #fridayinspiration

I recently heard a story of the man who approached the pearly gates and met St. Peter. Peter was so happy to see him and welcomed him in. As the man was looking at the amazing wonders of heaven, he noticed in the distance a massive warehouse. It looked somewhat out of place. He asked Peter what it was for, and Peter ignored his question. They continued to talk, and the man was full of questions that Peter answered freely. Every time the man asked about the massive storage building, Peter ignored his question, then he finally relented. As they walked toward the massive structure, Peter told him that everyone who came into heaven had the same question and was usually very disappointed at the answer. Even with this information, the man’s curiosity would not subside. As they got closer to the building, the man was even more in awe of its size. Peter told him that each person who entered heaven had a box in the building with their name on it. He said if he truly wanted to know the purpose of the storage building, he would have to find his box. When they entered, the man noticed endless rows of shelves packed with boxes of all shapes and sizes. They were arranged in alphabetical order and Peter told him to find his box. When the man found his box, it was neatly sealed with a ribbon around it, he was confused when he opened his package and discovered that it was packed full of smaller boxes. Peter began to explain that this box held all the gifts this man had been given by God that he did not use—the books he didn't write, the jobs he didn't apply for because he thought he wasn’t good enough, the business he didn't start because he didn’t think he had what it took, the apologies he never made, the kindness he held too tightly, the numerous times he turned his back when he could have reached out, the love he still had to give but was afraid to be disappointed, the knowledge he didn't share when opportunities arose, the smiles not returned or given, the joy and laughter he suppressed because of the stress and anxiety of life, the ideas he didn’t turn into realities, and the knowledge and solutions he didn't share with others. Ouch! What a story. It challenges me to look for the gifts I possess that I have not given. The dreams I have just passed off as something I could have never accomplished. The times I turned from the challenge that could have made a tremendous difference for myself and others. This story reminds me that I get to look for the gifts I still must give. I pray I have an empty box when I get there I want to “Live Full, and Die Empty” —Les Brown How about you? Look for the blind spots. Feel free to comment, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Scroll down to sign up and publish your comments. Click "Sign Up" and log in with "your" email and password. You will receive a confirmation email to ensure it is you and avoid any discrepancies. Once you are signed up you will not have to sign up again, only log in if necessary. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #blindspots #beahero #inspiration #lesbrown #counselingworks #marriagecounseling #mindsetmatters #champion #herosjourney #bettereveryday #resetyourmind #changeyourlife #selfempowerment #mindset #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #resetyourmind #livefulldieempty #LiveFull #thankfulwednesday #WednesdayWisdom #wednesdaymotivation #WednesdayThoughts

I want a nice job, house, car, family, friends, vacation, boat, etc. All of these are wonderful. Who doesn’t want these things? It is easy to look to the future with these desires. However, it is more difficult than it looks. Situations and others get in the way. If only life would allow me to do it my way and cooperate, I could have all these amazing things. I could wake up every morning with a smile and no emotional, physical, or financial pain. I could face the day with comfort, peace, and joy, or is this thinking just a myth? That’s an interesting thought and perhaps I have my ‘wants’ confused. Maybe, comfort, peace, and joy are the product of the product I seek. Do I need to be chasing the material things in life or am I seeking to fill some internal deficits? Are there holes in my life that I mistakenly think ‘things’ will satisfy? I feel blessed to live in such an amazing nation full of riches, but do I live by the need to have more, or do I live by the need to be more? I wonder whether looking at others as having more would fill some of the voids in my life that I believe need to be filled by "stuff." There is nothing wrong with wanting the creature comforts that we all desire. I just wonder if it will be enough or if it makes me want more. I choose to look for the product of the product. I want peace, comfort, and joy. In the big playbook, Paul was able to find joy in prison. This always puzzled me until now. I see that there are many ‘prisons’ in life, but when I choose to seek the product of the product, I find I am content just as Paul said, “in whatever circumstance, wherever I am or whatever I have.” When we seek the product of the product we produce peace, comfort, and joy within our own lives, our circle of influence, and as far around the world as it can reach. I am amazed at people, even children with illnesses, that can show joy amid struggles. I love stories of being surprised at the generosity of people especially those who have less. I love givers and I am surrounded by so many. I am astounded and extremely blessed to live such a full life. I have been blessed by so many people I have met along the way. Right now, in my life, I make the decision to seek out “things” like appreciating, being thankful, noticing other people doing things well, having a positive effect, and challenging others to be their best. As I do this, I discover the result of the product I am seeking. What is the product of the product you are seeking? Look for the blind spots. Feel free to comment, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Scroll down to sign up and publish your comments. Click "Sign Up" and log in with "your" email and password. You will receive a confirmation email to ensure it is you and avoid any discrepancies. Once you are signed up you will not have to sign up again, only log in if necessary. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #blindspots #beahero #inspiration #lesbrown #counselingworks #marriagecounseling #mindsetmatters #champion #herosjourney #bettereveryday #resetyourmind #changeyourlife #selfempowerment #mindset #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #resetyourmind #monday #mondayvibes #mondaymotivationchallenge

There are times I go out of control to gain control; this is when I am not being spiritual or intellectual at all. Many times, over the years, I have said and done things that produce harm to others. At that moment, I feel perfectly justified because they are not doing what I want, when I want it, as quickly as I want. In general, when I blow up and then cool down, I feel better, but those who have been the target of my bitter diatribe are reeling, not feeling good about themselves or me. I have transferred my pain to the other. Ouch! This can happen so quickly and unknowingly and when I pass the point of no return; it is almost impossible to get out of the tirade. Today I work hard to keep my emotions at the forefront of my mind. It is very important I remain emotionally mature and able to assess my own mood and act accordingly. If I am feeling fine, I go about life in my usual manner. If I am anxious or emotional, I need to cautiously approach others or events, and assessing accurately can sometimes be the problem. I love the question, If I could go back and repeat this same situation, how would I do it differently? Things Like: What has me in this anxious place? Let me sit down before I speak. How can I enroll others and not demand? What do I really want? What do I want others and myself to say about me when this is over? What do I need to say about myself? Asking these questions equips me to become intentional and strategic about events like this in the future. Situations repeat, and when I know how I want to approach it next time, I am equipped. There is no guarantee that you will employ my new strategy in every situation. It takes practice. Learning from my mistakes and seeing what I can do keep me from going out of control to gain control. I want to always be in search of building a bitter me. Did I say bitter? No, I choose better, not bitter. Watch for the blind spots. Feel free to comment, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Scroll down to sign up and publish your comments. Click "Sign Up" and log in with "your" email and password. You will receive a confirmation email to ensure it is you and avoid any discrepancies. Once you are signed up you will not have to sign up again, only log in if necessary. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #blindspots #beahero #inspiration #lesbrown #counselingworks #marriagecounseling #friday #fridaymotivation #mindsetmatters #champion #herosjourney #jimrohn #josephcampbell #bettereveryday #resetyourmind #changeyourlife #selfempowerment #mindset #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity

Several years ago, we were invited to have Thanksgiving dinner with our neighbors. During the meal, the host ask us to talk about what we were thankful for. It was a great experience to declare our thankfulness and listen to others. I understand this is customary in many families. We live in a world of negativity and sometimes don’t recognize it. One of the best lessons I learned, was when I was picking up my friend from dialysis. I sat in the waiting room and listened to dialysis patients talk about the things they once did but now can’t. Things like: Get the trash cans out and back from the street. Empty the dishwasher. Get the vacuum out. I was reminded that I have two good hands and feet and although I didn’t like to do any of these “simple” chores, I was equipped and needed to rethink how I approached them. I am still thankful that I am equipped and have the health and well-being to “get to” do chores rather than “have to.” This Thanksgiving, I will celebrate with the veterans of Transitions Plus. This is a group that has been meeting at our church every Thursday evening for the last ten years. As I learned from my neighbor, I will be asking them, “What are you thankful for?” and looking forward to hearing what they say because I know who they are and where they have been. Even though it has been over 50 years since some of them returned, some continue to suffer and are alone. Some can see that they “get to” while others are not there yet. I wish you a Happy Thanksgiving and challenge you to look for greatness in yourself and others. So many may not have a joyous celebration to look forward to, let's lift them up in prayer. I choose to be thankful and hope you will be too. Watch for the blind spots. Feel free to comment, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Scroll down to sign up and publish your comments. Click "Sign Up" and log in with "your" email and password. You will receive a confirmation email to ensure it is you and avoid any discrepancies. Once you are signed up you will not have to sign up again, only log in if necessary. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #resetyourmind #changeyourlife #selfempowerment #mindset #bayharbourumc #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #relationshipsuccess #bettereveryday #blindspots #counselingworks #leadershipdevelopment #communication #relationshiptips #success #motivation #inspiration #inthistogether #changeyourlife #thankful #thankfulgratefulblessed #thankfulwednesday #WednesdayWisdom #wednesdaymotivation #WednesdayThoughts