BUILD A BETTER YOU
JERRY D CLARK BLOG

Shame is a deadly feeling or emotion that cripples interpersonal and external relationships. Shame highlights the weak points within. It can be a convenient source of defensiveness as we read on Monday. Shame is what is handed to us by others. Their denigrating comments, or gestures are the source of shame, as are being teased, ridiculed, or put down. It's difficult to accept or understand if you don't experience it, just like so many other emotions. It is likely to hear the

Robin and Ralph had been married for some time. This evening Robin meets him at the door with, “Why didn't you call? Why didn't you let me know when you left to come home? You never keep me informed about what you are doing. You don't have a problem communicating with your buddies.” Wow. What a conversation. It sounds like a plateful of complaints—didn't call, didn't let me know, never keep me informed. You can tell your buddies, but not me. These kinds of comments can feel l

What story am I telling myself about a situation or grievance? We are great at telling stories to ourselves. I can write novels when I'm worried, feel threatened or feel out of control. I can spin myself up telling stories, especially when I don't share them with others. When I am telling myself stories, it is next to impossible for someone to be able to know my story unless I share it with them. If I don't tell them, it is easy for them to misinterpret my mood or attitude. I

Too many times, I hear the words, “I have given until I can give no more. My relationship has evolved into a one-way street. I can no longer do this. I want out.” Ouch! These words come from generous people who enjoy giving and making others “happy”, but it is easy to lose sight of who is in charge of our happiness. You are headed down a long road of disappointment if you make yourself responsible for other people's happiness. It is wonderful to be around people who are true

Oh, the trap of starting New Year's resolutions. It can be a setup for failure. They once were more popular. I can recall the time they were truly important and exciting in my younger years. Among the most popular New Year's resolutions are lose weight, exercise, earn/save more money, improve diet, read more books, take better care of oneself, have a happy attitude, and many other things. Looking forward to a new year with a fresh start can make it more exhilarating and revit

I get the opportunity to work with wonderful people. Many have blind spots chipping away at their future success and happiness. Blind spots frequently show themselves in harmful ways at home and work. Why? Because we struggle to understand others or ourselves when our perspective is clouded. It makes it more challenging to frame our interactions and behaviors logically. It quickly leads to misunderstandings, anger, disrespect, and isolation, none of which are healthy outcomes

Sometimes the strangest things can give us the best answers. It’s just a small, white envelope stuck among the branches of our Christmas tree. No name, no identification, no inscription. It has peeked through the branches of our tree for the past ten years or so. It all began because my husband Mike hated Christmas–oh, not the true meaning of Christmas, but the commercial aspects of it–overspending…the frantic running around at the last minute to get a tie for Uncle Harry and

Continuing our conversation from the post on Monday, “Safe Listening,” combined with gently curious questions softly probe thoughts and ideas causing others to learn more about themselves while you are also gaining information. These types of questions allow you to drill down and get a deeper understanding of the circumstances that may be contributing to one’s emotional distress. An emotional person cannot hear facts. I say that when someone is hurt, frustrated, confused, or

What an honorable thing to do. After all, The Big Play Book says, "If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also." Matthew 5:39 Taken out of contents, this can lead to difficulties in relationships. I see this verse, taken at times, as if I have to give in at every turn. Sometimes I call it being too nice. Givers can give into bitterness. Giving too much teaches others that we are always ready and willing to help them in any familiar capacity. When

I was listening to a friend talking about legacy and what he wanted to leave behind when he is gone. He was wanting to make a difference in the world around him. I have thought the same thing. Just look at the people who have left amazing legacies such as business moguls, artist, musicians, politicians, educators, ordinary people, the list is endless. Who would not want to be on the list of major legacy makers. Of course, there are some who might say they don’t care what lega

Dave and George were brothers and had adjoining properties for many years. These properties were adorned with beautiful trees, lush grass, and a small, flowing creek that separated them. Their relationship had grown distant over the years. One would try things to mend the relationship and the other would bring up past grievances. Then the roles would reverse, and the same results came about. The brothers’ inability to unite continued to cause frustration. Their families cheri

I recently heard a story of the man who approached the pearly gates and met St. Peter. Peter was so happy to see him and welcomed him in. As the man was looking at the amazing wonders of heaven, he noticed in the distance a massive warehouse. It looked somewhat out of place. He asked Peter what it was for, and Peter ignored his question. They continued to talk, and the man was full of questions that Peter answered freely. Every time the man asked about the massive storage bui

Several years ago, we were invited to have Thanksgiving dinner with our neighbors. During the meal, the host ask us to talk about what we were thankful for. It was a great experience to declare our thankfulness and listen to others. I understand this is customary in many families. We live in a world of negativity and sometimes don’t recognize it. One of the best lessons I learned, was when I was picking up my friend from dialysis. I sat in the waiting room and listened to dia