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I don't know about you, but I find it difficult not to judge or stereotype others. Ouch! When I negatively judge others, I unconsciously cast a shadow over my character, engaging in a destructive cycle that diminishes my sense of empathy and humanity. This process of judging others stems from fear, misunderstanding, or anger and harms me more than those I target. It's a reflection of my self-confidence, inner turmoil, or inability to cope with differences or adversities healthily. Demonizing others is a part of my defense mechanism, my way to distance myself from ones I find uncomfortable or threatening. This not only strips the other person of their complex humanity but also restricts my worldview, limiting my ability to understand and engage with the richness of others. Equally, if not more damaging, is my negative self-judgment. Negatively judging myself is an all-too-common trap that can lead to a harmful cycle of self-doubt and reduced self-confidence. This pattern often begins subtly, with critical inner dialogues that magnify my flaws and minimize my strengths. I might fixate on a mistake at work, a social blunder, or even my appearance, allowing these singular aspects to define my value. Such self-criticism, while seemingly a push towards self-improvement, often does the opposite. It can paralyze me with fear of failure, making me hesitant to try new things or take on challenges. What's crucial to remember is that I am more than my mistakes or perceived shortcomings. Continuous negative self-judgment closes my eyes to my capabilities and achievements. Cultivating self-compassion and understanding that imperfection is part of the human experience is essential. I can foster a healthier mindset by shifting my focus from self-criticism to self-understanding and acceptance. This doesn't mean ignoring areas for improvement but approaching them with a kinder, more constructive attitude. In doing so, I not only enhance my mental well-being but also open myself up to greater personal growth and fulfillment. How about you? Can you be kinder and utilize judgment for goodness rather than demonizing yourself or others? Watch for the blind spots. Thanks for sharing, commenting, and liking these posts. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Find out what is holding you back from the relationships you desire. If you purchased your book on any of the online bookstores, would you rate and write a review. Thanks in advance!

When talking to people, I often sense they are living in the past so deeply that they cannot be successful in the present or future. This is not a judgment but an acknowledgment of how the past can be destructive in our daily lives. It is natural to reflect on the past and often a beneficial part of my experience. It helps me learn from my mistakes, cherish good memories, and understand how I've grown. However, when looking back becomes a preoccupation, it can significantly interfere with how I perceive and engage with my present and future. This excessive fixation on the past can manifest in various ways, impacting our lives differently. I call it "Driving my car with the rear-view mirror as big as the windshield." What would that be like? There is no telling what opportunities I would not see and miss. There is no telling what I would be running over. This is an excellent metaphor for looking back at my life. Dwelling on past mistakes or failures can lead to a pervasive sense of regret. Regrets can become a heavy burden, coloring my present experiences with a shade of sadness or dissatisfaction. When I constantly dwell on my past errors, I trap myself in a cycle of self-criticism and negativity, which can stifle my willingness to take risks or try new things for fear of repeating past mistakes. Idealizing the past can be equally detrimental. Nostalgia, while comforting, can sometimes lead me to view my past with rose-colored glasses, making my present seem lackluster in comparison. This idealization can create unrealistic standards for my current life and future aspirations. Unresolved past conflicts or traumas can cast long shadows over our present and future. I need to address these issues to avoid finding myself stuck in patterns of behavior and thought that stem from these unresolved experiences. Focusing on the past can negatively affect my relationships, career choices, and overall well-being. How big is your rear-view mirror? Watch for the blind spots. I sure appreciate you spending your valuable time with me. Thanks for sharing, commenting, and liking these posts. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Find out what is holding you back from the relationships you desire. If you purchased your book on any of the online bookstores, would you rate and write a review. I certainly am grateful for all the ones out there and appreciate you all so much.

Have you ever changed or done something kind or generous, expecting something in return? This can be a subtle gesture or something extremely contrived. Doing something nice with the expectation of getting something in return is a hazardous approach to personal and professional relationships. I call it "the hook". While generosity and kindness are virtues, when executed with a hidden agenda, they lose authenticity and can lead to adverse outcomes. This mindset turns acts of kindness into transactions. Instead of being genuine gestures of goodwill, they become investments from which returns are expected. This transactional view of relationships can lead to disappointment and resentment, mainly if the expected return doesn't materialize. People are often adept at sensing when kindness comes with strings attached, which can lead to mistrust and strained relationships. This approach undermines the fundamental value of generosity. The joy and satisfaction derived from selfless acts are significant rewards in themselves. However, when I expect something in return, my focus shifts from the other person's happiness to my own gain. This shift not only diminishes the quality of my generous acts but can also affect my mental and emotional well-being. The continuous evaluation of what I get in return for my actions can lead to a perpetual state of dissatisfaction and a feeling of being undervalued or taken for granted. In a professional context, such behavior can damage my reputation. Colleagues and superiors can view this kind of generosity as manipulative or self-serving. This perception can hinder professional relationships and growth, as trust and authenticity are vital components of a healthy work environment. This practice can become a harmful cycle. When I condition myself to expect returns for my kindness, I may start neglecting acts of genuine generosity. Over time, this can lead to decreased empathy and increased cynicism. It is natural to desire appreciation for our kind deeds, but actively expecting tangible returns can be detrimental. Genuine kindness is unconditional. How about you? Could you be consciously or unconsciously expecting something in return when you give? Watch for the blind spots. I sure appreciate you spending your valuable time with me. Thanks for sharing, commenting, and liking these posts. Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Find out what is holding you back from the relationships you desire. If you purchased your book on any of the online bookstores, would you rate and write a review. I certainly am grateful for all the ones out there and appreciate you all so much.

I have occasionally found myself in a room where the atmosphere feels overwhelming. Sometimes, individuals hold the power to dampen the mood unintentionally. Negative energy from someone—I call Negative Nate or Nelly—can cast a shadow on conversations, depleting the moment's joy. It's easy to blame them for sapping the room's energy and allowing their mood to control the situation. Reflecting on instances where others' negative influence affected my temperament, it's essential to acknowledge how easily I allow external factors to dictate my emotional self. Even inside relationships, the emotional condition of one partner can set the tone for the entire connection. This inadvertently shifts the balance of joy and responsibility. Taking ownership of emotional well-being within a situation requires mindfulness and introspection. The initial step is to recognize the impact of external influences on my mood. By setting clear boundaries, prioritizing emotional well-being, and fostering open communication, I become stronger and more resilient, which enables me to regain a sense of self-control. In both professional and personal relationships, I have found it easy to let external influences set the tone or unwittingly steal my joy. I am learning to take my temperature and figure out how I am doing regardless of how anyone else is acting. I can never find out how I am doing by taking your temperature. Even if everyone is out of sorts or upset, I can still be okay and disallow them to dictate my mood or steal my joy. How about you? Do you check someone else's temperature to get a read on what is going on with you or what you allow in your life, mind, business, or relationships? Watch for the blind spots. I sure appreciate you spending your valuable time with me. Thanks for sharing, commenting, and liking these posts. Get a conversation started. Grab a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. If you purchased your book on any of the online bookstores, would you rate and write a review, especially Amazon. I am grateful for all the ones out there and appreciate you all so much.

My old friends Ralph and Robin are back in the limelight. Ralph has been accused of showing anger, which Robin points out in a manner that is obvious to him. Here, Ralph agrees to concentrate on controlling his anger instead of resorting to his old patterns of denial and blame. Ralph decided he needed to change, and it is not the first time he has committed to being different. Robin is aware of his previous failed attempts and is skeptical that Ralph can maintain the change. Ralph is committed, but after a week or two, Robin has not recognized his hard work, which frustrates him and makes him want to give up. Maintaining change becomes problematic when there is little or no recognition of transformation. Ralph has made a commitment to change, which puts him ahead of Robin. Robin's inclination to believe that change will be implemented can easily lag far behind. She reports that she has heard the story before and expects to be disappointed. The person working on change can easily err and fall back into old habits. In this situation, it is essential for Ralph not to relent and go back to his old ways. He will prosper when he quickly gets back on his change path. For any change to be sustained, it must stem from a genuine aspiration within the individual making the change. Changing for another will be a negative setup for both. When change is attained the relationship will flourish. However, when change is attained but not enough for the other, the relationship will not make it. There is more involved than the identified anger issue. Change, once unimaginable for me, has become indispensable for my personal growth. How about you? How do you accept change? Watch for the blind spots. I sure appreciate you spending your valuable time with me. Thanks for sharing, commenting, and liking these posts. Be sure if you have not yet, grab a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Get a conversation started. If you purchased your book on any of the online bookstores, would you rate and write a review, especially Amazon. I certainly am grateful for all the ones out there and appreciate you all so much.

Happy New Year! Another year has flown by, revealing a lot of growth and experience. I want to express my gratitude to all of you who have been a source of inspiration and support throughout this past year. Your responses and encouragement have meant a lot to me. As I sit on my patio, I am struck by the beauty of the weather and the hypnotic sight of flames dancing in the fire pit. Moments like these remind me of how blessed I am with emotional, spiritual, and physical health (my three-legged stool). I am thankful for the blessings in my life and the privilege of being with each of you. Reflecting on these changes, my journey towards emotional maturity has been the most significant transformation. It took me a while to acknowledge my emotions, and I made my fair share of mistakes. A few of the most valuable lessons I learned are that I don’t know everything, I’m not always right, I only have control of myself, and I am difficult to control. [Blind Spots] As a lifelong student, I find joy in the richness of things yet to be learned. I have exciting plans for more specific training and learning to embrace the lessons life has in store for me. Stepping into this new year, I wish you peace, hope, grace, and abundant love. I pray that you’re equipped to face whatever the new year brings, and that God’s blessings are with you every step of the way. Love you guys!!

How have you made a difference in the lives of the ones around you? I love the movie, “It’s a Wonderful Life.” I watch it every Christmas even though I know the outcome. It is rich in life and relationships. It is about an angel sent from Heaven to help a desperately frustrated businessman (Jimmy Stewart) by showing him what life would have been like if he had never existed. It is incomprehensible to know what that would look like for any of us, yet we have made a difference in so many lives. Our influence, both good and bad, has created outcomes that would not exist had we not been born. The impact we make on the lives of those who love us is an intricate connection created by our actions, words, and very presence. Consider the subtle yet profound differences that our existence brings to the lives of family, workmates, friends, and all those we encounter along life's journey. The absence of one individual can alter life in immeasurable ways both good and bad. Within the intimate circle of family, your faith, guidance, love, and support offered could have been the cornerstone for their emotional foundation. Among friends, coworkers, employees, school mates, or military acquaintances your encouragement, guidance, love, and support might have been the catalyst for someone's dreams, the anchor in their storms, or the laughter that lifted their spirits. Your presence might have brought about shared adventures and unforgettable moments that now define the memories of camaraderie. Your absence might have shifted the family's trajectory, altering the course of their stories in unforeseen ways. You matter and your existence has undoubtedly made a difference. Each smile shared, each hand extended, each decision made or not made—have all contributed to the unique experiences that define the lives of those who have crossed paths with you. It's an intricate tapestry impossible to unravel, but rest assured, your existence has left an indelible mark on the lives of many. How much more do you want to make a difference in the lives of others? You are in charge. Watch for the blind spots. I appreciate your feedback, please like, share or comment. Grab a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that can be holding you back from the relationships you desire.

It is almost here – the new year 2024. 2023 was a very short year for me. Today, as I look forward to the new year, I recognize I have much to do with my future. I can look at 2024 as a blank paper, or I can see it as a large sheet of paper filled with timelines, goals, dreams, wishes, and desires. How can I look at this large sheet filled with all my aspirations without recognizing there will be pitfalls, accidents, and circumstances beyond my control? While the allure of detailed planning and strategic outlines hold a certain appeal, the truth is that life often has a flair for the unexpected. As we have completed the prompts sheet from Monday’s post, setting out my intentions is the beginning of the design for the new year. It provides direction, purpose, and clarity within the unknown. Through intentions, I fill my actions with meaning, positioning myself with the paths I wish to follow. It’s about envisioning my desired future and taking deliberate steps toward it. Strategies act as my blueprints, allowing me to add projections to my future. They offer structure, thereby guiding my actions toward my intentions, and provide a roadmap, enabling me to navigate twists and turns along the journey. Life will not solely adhere to my drawing. Circumstances beyond my control will present surprises. It’s in these moments that adaptability and resilience become my greatest tools. The ability to pivot, embrace change, and find opportunities amidst these challenges will allow me to flourish in the face of unpredictability. So, the year will begin with a dance between intentions and circumstances. I will set sail with my intentions as my GPS, my strategies as the wind in my sails, and yet remain open to the currents and tides that may veer me off course. May this year be a year of strategies and intentions to have a better 2024 than 2023. I subscribe to Stephen Covey’s, “Begin with the end in mind.” How about you? How will your 2024 end? Watch for the blind spots. I appreciate your feedback, please like, share or comment. Get your copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that can be holding you back from the relationships you desire.

Well, here we are ending 2023. On Jan 2nd, my post had to do with what you planned to accomplish in 2023, to look ahead to December and write down what you wanted to accomplish and then put it in an envelope. My post Halfway Home, on June 30, was a reminder to keep going and check our progress. I know I was needing to catch up on a on a few things in my letter. You may not have even started. If you did, it’s time to open the envelope and read what you wrote at the beginning of the year. How did you do? Whether or not you did it, let us all begin now by engaging in reflection. Let's use the prompts in the download I created as a source of inspiration. Please print it out as a reminder of our strength and as a compass that guides us towards a purposeful and positive life as we enter 2024. As we have woven our tapestry of personal growth in 2023, reflecting on it will show us the beauty found in embracing each new day with an open heart and a motivated spirit. Jim Rohn says, "Success is nothing more than a few simple disciplines practiced every day." Here's to the journey ahead—down life's highway of self-discovery and pursuing a life well-lived with unwavering determination. Watch for the blind spots and enjoy the process! Click to download Ending Well—2023 Journey Prompts print pdf. I appreciate your feedback, let me know how you did and please like or share. Start the New Year right, get your copy or gift a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that can be holding you back from the relationships you desire.

I often hear people express their apologies in many ineffective ways. Apologies hold immense power, yet not all “I'm sorry’s” evoke the experience of sincerity and genuine remorse. The many ways in which apologies are expressed reveal a range of intention and depth. How often do we encounter the standard "I'm sorry" empty of its true meaning? There's the apologetic tone, where the words convey regret but lack genuine sentiment. Then there's the sarcastic "I'm sorry," mixed with mockery or insincerity, and the flippant "I'm sorry" that brushes off the effects of actions. One of the most common apology erosion's is the "I'm sorry if what I did upset you." It's an apology that shifts responsibility, diminishing accountability by burdening the other person's reaction rather than owning the mistake. Even worse is the apology without remorse, merely lip service to navigate a situation without acknowledging the hurt it caused. Then there's the apology that isn't accompanied by tangible efforts for change, when words aren't backed up by actions to rectify the damage done. A genuine apology goes beyond words; it's a commitment not to inflict harm again. Words alone may fail to convey this commitment effectively. I like the phrase "If I could go back and do that again, I would do it differently." It's an acknowledgment of the mistake followed by a genuine reflection on what could have been done better. This approach prepares us for similar incidents that may occur in the future. It's about showing, not just telling. It’s an apology that signifies a deeper understanding and a pledge to change. Actions aligned with these words serve as a road map for growth, changing a hollow apology into a meaningful start toward reconciliation. The way we apologize carries immense weight. Beyond words, the intent, reflection, and subsequent actions truly define an apology's impact. How about you? Could you use this statement to reflect your apology, "If I could go back and do that again, I would do it differently?" Watch for the blind spots. I appreciate your feedback. Please like, share or comment.

Many years ago, we had a guest preacher. He was the father of a dear friend. He was so very approachable and authentic. I loved to greet him to hear what he had to offer. Every time I talked to him; he told me he was stoked. Stoked: being in an enthusiastic or exhilarated state. I love the concept of being stoked. It is a state of mind that fuels motivation and propels me toward success. When I'm stoked about something, a fire ignites within, sparking enthusiasm and a drive to achieve. It acts as a catalyst for action, setting the stage for fulfillment. The beauty of being stoked lies in its infectious energy. It's a magnetic force that draws others in, inspiring collaboration and igniting a shared passion for a common goal. When individuals are collectively stoked, their combined enthusiasm creates a synergy that propels them to surpass boundaries and achieve greatness. Stoked individuals are motivated by an inner fire that pushes them beyond limitations. This heightened enthusiasm is a powerful motivator, driving them to take risks, pursue innovative ideas, and persist in facing challenges. It fuels a mindset that embraces failure as a stepping stone toward success rather than a deterrent. When devoid of being stoked with excitement or passion, motivation wanes, and success often becomes elusive. A lack of enthusiasm can lead to procrastination, self-doubt, and a reluctance to take necessary risks. The benefits of being stoked extend beyond personal motivation. It creates a ripple effect, influencing those around me and fostering a culture of positivity, innovation, and achievement. It's the catalyst for turning aspirations into reality and dreams into tangible successes. The absence of being stoked hinders collaboration and teamwork. Inspiring others or rallying around a vision can be difficult without the contagious energy that comes from being stoked. It’s the difference between simply existing and thriving. It's the catalyst that turns ordinary moments into extraordinary achievements. How about you? Are you existing or thriving? I choose stoked. Watch for the blind spots. I sure appreciate you spending your valuable time with me. Thanks for sharing, commenting and liking these posts. Christmas is coming! Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships**, it’s a great stocking stuffer or ebook. Get a conversation started this holiday season. **Also, if you purchased your book on any of the online bookstores would you rate and write a review, especially Amazon. I certainly am grateful for all the ones out there and appreciate you all so much.

I have often compared myself to others only to come up short. I remember, early in my life, comparing what I had and how I dressed to others around me. I noticed others were more intellectual and made school look easy. I remember who had more courage than I did. I remember who could outrun me and who could intimidate me. These may be terrible memories, but they are the memories that shaped my life. As time passes, I find it difficult not to think in the same way. Yet I am recognizing God has created me uniquely. I am created differently. Measuring myself against others is cultural and inevitable unless I change my thinking. The true essence of growth and progress lies not in external benchmarks but in the internal journey of self-comparison. Comparing myself to others often leads to a rollercoaster of emotions, such as envy or inadequacy. It's a game where the rules are set by someone else's life, where I'll always find someone smarter, more prosperous, or more successful. However, the pursuit of comparing myself to past versions of myself has a distinct advantage—a journey tailored to my personal growth. When I compare myself to past versions of me, I am aligning my progress against the one benchmark that truly matters: my potential. This internal evaluation becomes a compass guiding me toward my goals, highlighting my strides, and revealing the areas that need nurturing. Self-comparison is not about becoming flawless; it's about becoming better than I was yesterday. Each step forward, however small, becomes a victory in my personal story. When I celebrate these incremental wins, I cultivate a mindset centered on self-improvement rather than validation from external sources. Instead of berating myself for not being at someone else's level, I acknowledge my unique journey and embrace it with kindness and understanding. Comparing myself to past versions of me challenges me to become better every day. This comparison is liberating and enables me to define success by pursuing growth and personal fulfillment. How about you? To whom do you compare yourself? Watch for the blind spots. I sure appreciate you spending your valuable time with me. Thanks for sharing, commenting and liking these posts. Christmas is coming! Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships, it’s a great stocking stuffer or ebook. Get a conversation started this holiday season. Also, if you purchased your book on any of the online bookstores would you rate and write a review, especially Amazon. I certainly am grateful for all the ones out there and appreciate you all so much.