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Have you ever been trapped in a relationship where you're receiving what you don't want? Perhaps it's negativity, mistrust, or even indifference. In such situations, it's worth pondering the concept that "we often receive what we're giving." This reflection can be a powerful catalyst for positive change in our relationships. I often talk to couples who want something from each other, and unbeknownst to them, they are withholding the same thing. If I want love, respect, or affirmation, I must give it away. The idea of giving what we want to receive isn't a new concept, but it is a powerful and transformative principle. You have probably heard me talk about catching others doing things right and well as opposed to catching each other doing things bad and wrong. Look at relationship as a two-way street. What I put into it is often what I'll get out of it. If we're constantly giving negativity, criticism, or mistrust, it's no surprise that others might mirror it back to us. It’s not material things that I’m alluding to. It encompasses kindness, love, empathy, and understanding, the intangible elements that enrich my life. One of the most beautiful aspects of giving what I want to receive is the positive ripple effect it creates. It can make a relationship where negativity and cynicism find little foothold because we've cultivated a culture of positivity through our actions. Consider the power of a smile. When you offer a genuine smile, you often receive one in return. In that brief moment, you've given a dose of warmth and received it back, reinforcing the cycle of positivity. This simple act of giving what you want to receive can transform your day and the day of those around you. There is no guarantee that I will get back what I give. But it does put me in a greater frame of mind that causes my day to be better. Giving what I want to receive is a profound and transformative principle that enriches my life on many levels. How about you? Are you giving or holding back what you want to receive? Watch for the blind spots. I appreciate your feedback, please like, share or comment. Get your copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that can be holding you back from the relationships you desire. #mondaymood #mondaythoughts #mondaymotivation #betterme #bettereveryday #blindspots #successcoach #successmindset #counseling #selfimprovement #mindsetmatters #give #giver #bettertogivethanreceive #giveitaway #betterme #bekind #mindsetiseverything #fightorflightresponse #relationshipadvice #relationshipcoach #choicesmatter #relationshiptips

What are you living for? Where are you going? Knowing the answer to these questions can provide a great sense of purpose. However, knowing how to get there is not always easy or evident. “The smallest of disciplines, practiced every day, start an incredible process that can change our lives forever.” Jim Rohn When I have a clear vision of where I want to go and what I want to achieve, breaking my journey down into smaller, manageable steps can be the key to accomplishing these goals, whether in my professional or personal life. This approach not only improves my results but also cultivates a sense of accomplishment and confidence. I talk about this in my book in the chapter called “What do you want?” In this chapter there is a *work sheet that allows you to identify goals or destinies that you would like to attain. It provides spaces to identify small changes of your actions or behaviors that over time can keep you focused on exactly what needs to be done and when. This becomes a roadmap that allows you to continue to stay focused by inputting data every day that gives a great picture of how you are doing with small changes that will produce big results. At the end of the week, I can assess my results to see how I did and what modifications I might want to change for next week. This worksheet allows me to focus each day on my destiny and not look at random periods during my journey and say, “I need to get started on this or I need to reorient my efforts.” This concept applies to work and home. It is great to have a balance of both as you spend precious time you will never get back. As I achieve these small goals, I accumulate a sense of accomplishment and confidence. Each milestone reached reinforces my belief in my abilities and the validity of my purpose. It's a self-perpetuating cycle of growth and self-assurance that propels me toward even greater achievements. The power of small improvements over time is not to be underestimated. How are you doing on your journey? Could small intentional steps help propel your desired destiny? Watch for the blind spots. *Download your worksheet: Weekly Display I appreciate your feedback, please like, share or comment. Get your copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that can be holding you back from the relationships you desire. #mondaymood #mondaythoughts #mondaymotivation #betterme #bettereveryday #blindspots #successcoach #successmindset #counseling #selfimprovement #mindsetmatters #jimrohn #jimrohnquotes #mindsetiseverything #smallstepsbigresults #bekind #smallstepsbigimpact #smallstepstobigchange #relationshipadvice #relationshipcoach #jointheride #leadershipcoaching

In my fast-paced life, it's easy to become snared by the routines and responsibilities that define my daily existence. These routines keep me on track but also distract me from looking for new and wonderful things that I take for granted all around me. At times, my negative bias plagues my thinking. When I become attuned to the positive things surrounding me this shift in perspective enhances my overall sense of well-being, reduces stress, and improves my relationships. I often overlook the little treasures. Yet, if I borrow a page from the book of children who see the world with fresh, unjaded eyes, I can learn to find beauty and joy in the simplest moments. Children possess an uncanny ability to find wonder in the world around them. They marvel at caterpillars, raindrops on a windowpane, or refractions of light. It's as if every day is an adventure filled with opportunities to explore and appreciate. As an adult, I can regain some of this childlike wonder by focusing on the little things that I take for granted. I suggest a gratitude journal as a simple yet profound tool for cultivating this sense of appreciation. By setting aside a few minutes each day to jot down at least five things I am grateful for, I can shift my attention from the mundane routines to the extraordinary details that make life beautiful and fresh again. A journal encourages me to become more alert and notice the small gestures, kind words, or moments of serenity that might otherwise slip by unnoticed. Consider the smile of a stranger on your morning commute, the aroma of your favorite morning coffee, or the comforting embrace of a cool, air-conditioned home on a hot evening. These everyday gifts surround us, waiting to be acknowledged and cherished. When I train myself to focus on them, I find joy and contentment in the simplest pleasures. A gratitude journal can also be a powerful antidote that redirects my focus to find grand things. Some of the most hopeful people I know take the time to find and document their exciting discoveries during the day. How about you? Could you prosper by re-engaging your childlike enthusiasm and maintaining a gratitude journal? Watch for the blind spots. I appreciate you reading, commenting, and sharing these posts. If you want to find out more about discovering your blind spots get your book today. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #blindspots #mindsetmatters #bettereveryday #mindset #bekind #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #counseling #fridayvibes #friday #fridaymotivation #journaling #gratitude #gratitudejournal #gratitudeattitude #journalinspiration #communication #mindsetiseverything #toastmasters #businesscoaching #successcoach #dailyinspiration #betterme

For many years, I believed that being right was everything. I felt a personal victory. 🏁 I harbored an aversion to being wrong and did all I could to be the winner. It was an absolute win to prove my point of view and slay the opposition. It's human nature to want to be right. The feeling of being right can be intoxicating; it boosts our self-esteem and validates our knowledge. However, this very desire can sometimes lead to arrogance and a disregard for the perspectives of others, especially others that are important to me. How embarrassing this is to admit. What happens when that triumph inadvertently makes others feel wrong? It's a dilemma I've often grappled with—the desire to be right versus the empathy for those who end up on the wrong side of the conversation. 😮 Wow! When I need to be right, others get to be wrong. I despise being wrong; when I'm right, that is the only position left. 😖 Ouch! I needed help to uncover this. [Blind Spot] It's important to note that no one enjoys being wrong. It's a blow to the ego and our self-esteem. Yet, as much as I hate being wrong, there’s a delicate art to handling these kinds of situations. It's equally essential to acknowledge that nobody is right all the time. There’s room for error, even when I am convinced of my correctness, and admitting this to myself makes accepting an opposing viewpoint with grace easier. Instead of boasting in the moment, I remind myself that being right is fleeting and that humility can be an influential teacher. Shame played a huge part in my not wanting to appear wrong, so being right was my only option. The shame pit is a miserable place to hang out. My new focus on humility revolves around respecting others' points of view without trying to prove them wrong and refusing to allow other's opinion to put them in harm's way. 👉How about you? Do you need to be right at the expense of others? Watch for the blind spots. I appreciate your sharing this post, commenting and liking. Your feedback is valuable to me as we learn to explore and discover our blind spots. Get your copy of Blind Spots in Relationships on Amazon and learn more about how to identify yours today. #blindspots #counselingworks #leadershipdevelopment #controlling #thinking #dailyinspiration #IamRight #youarewrong #righteousness #attitude #attitudeiseverything #wednesday #WednesdayWisdom #wednesdayvibes #dailyhabits #betterme #mindsetmatters #bettereveryday #GodsPlan #God #mindset #toastmasters #bekind

I talked to someone who was describing their manager as harsh and negative. He was great at managing everything but his people. This manager was creating adverse conversations behind his back. Only through feedback can there be improvement. I'm reminded of the story of The Emperor’s New Clothes. [Blind Spot] As I journey down life's highway, I often wonder what others say behind my back. Have you ever asked yourself what may cause them to whisper to others rather than share it with you? Some keep pertinent information private from us for reasons unknown to us. Do they fear conflict or reprisal? Whatever it is, if others whisper behind my back, I have room for improvement. Feedback, whether given openly or whispered in hushed tones, serves as a mirroring effect of reflecting our actions, attitudes, and behaviors. While it can be uncomfortable, it holds the potential to transform us into better versions of ourselves. Some of us fear confrontation, which may prevent us from sharing our thoughts directly. Discussing concerns or criticisms with others is easier than facing the potential conflict head-on or the fear of reprisal. Additionally, some might be concerned about hurting our feelings or causing unnecessary tension, making them opt for the secrecy of whispered conversations. How much more effective could I be if I was more vulnerable with others and invited their whispered words? Feedback, even when not presented directly, can reveal aspects of ourselves that we may not be aware of. It can shed light on our blind spots, allowing us to address them and become more self-aware. It's essential to remember that not all whispered words are negative. People may also share positive observations about us when we're not around. This feedback boosts our confidence and inspires us to continue our positive traits and behaviors. What others say behind our backs can be valuable for personal growth. By understanding why people might not say things directly and approaching feedback with an open mind, we can transform whispers into opportunities for self-improvement and become more self-aware. Do you dare want to know what others are whispering about you? I do. Watch for the blind spots. I appreciate you reading, commenting, and sharing these posts. If you want to find out more about discovering your blind spots get your book today. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #mondaymood #mondaythoughts #mondaymotivation #betterme #bettereveryday #blindspots #successcoach #successmindset #whispers #whispering #feedback #fearoffailure #TalkingAbout #counseling #selfimprovement #mindsetmatters #mindsetiseverything #sowhat #fightorflightresponse #relationshipadvice #relationshipcoach #choicesmatter #relationshiptips #responsibility #bekind

In 2017, Hurricane Harvey struck our area as a category-four hurricane. Wind and flooding were catastrophic. Our church opened as a Red Cross disaster facility for 150 people. At one time, there were over 400 refugees in that facility. I was there as a Stephen Minister to provide care and comfort to these displaced families and individuals. I noticed on my rounds a man who was very short and stocky. He was covered with tattoos on his entire body, including his head and some on his face. He looked unapproachable, but I knew I needed to check on him. He greeted me with a smile and a firm handshake as I approached him. It is not easy to share my blind spots. Here is a judgment I regret. I find a natural inclination to categorize and judge others. Our brains are wired to make quick assessments and snap judgments to navigate the complex social world. However, this tendency to categorize and judge can be misleading and often leads us astray. One of the most significant issues with judging and categorizing others is that it oversimplifies their complexity. When I label someone based on their characteristics or actions, I overlook the depth of their experiences, beliefs, and emotions. This oversimplification led me to stereotype and assume things about this man that were false and unfair. [Blind Spot] After introducing myself to the man, I found a very soft and gentle man. He was fascinating to listen to. His history was troubled and full of violence. His early life was about survival, and he didn’t have a chance to go to school. He had turned his life around and was married and had two children. After sharing our stories, he asked if he could pray for me as I worked with these refugees. Wow! How many times have I judged and not allowed myself to encounter someone different from me? How many misunderstandings and judgments have I allowed to keep me smug and comfortable? I have passed judgment on to the rich and beautiful as well. The Big Playbook gives us clear insight on this, “Do not judge by outward appearances, but judge with righteous judgment.” John 7:24 Conversation is my best way of getting to know others, not by physical appearance. How about you? Have you been as guilty as I have been of judging others without knowing them? Watch for the blind spots. I appreciate you reading, commenting, and sharing these posts. If you want to find out more about discovering your blind spots get your book today. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #blindspots #mindsetmatters #bettereveryday #mindset #bekind #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #counseling #fridayvibes #friday #fridaymotivation #judging #judgingyou #judgement #Godisgood #dontjudgeme #judgenot #communication #mindsetiseverything #toastmasters #businesscoaching #successcoach #dailyinspiration #betterme

I often look at what and how others do and say things that I wouldn't. At times, I get confused and wonder why they do or say these things; after all, doing things my way is the most practical, productive, and efficient. Why are they starting from this spot? What does he expect to gain by doing it that way? Why did they use those colors? How will they get to the end going that way? These questions and worries get me in trouble at times. It is so easy for me to see and say things according to my thinking. I need to remember there are many ways to do something. It is easy to think that everyone sees things the way I see them. Oh, how I forget how God has created us vastly different. And for a reason. [Blind Spot] Ouch! We all have a perspective that meets our standards, yet it is not the perspective held by others. If everyone thought the same, we would miss out on the beauty of the human experience. Moreover, diversity of thought is the bedrock of innovation. Embracing diverse perspectives enriches my life and helps me evolve as an individual. After all, when individuals from varied backgrounds and different perspectives collaborate, they bring unique ideas to the table. These diverse viewpoints often lead to groundbreaking solutions and advancements in various fields. I've learned to practice empathy and active listening instead of suffering when others don't think like me. Engaging in respectful conversations with people who hold different beliefs has helped me grow intellectually and emotionally. This story has another aspect to it. People who are pushy and forceful can be too much for me at times, so there is a limit. I have some people in my life who have different perspectives and behaviors that I find challenging to relate to and learn from. I find myself pulling away from them. It is about incompatibility, and if I allow them to impose their thoughts and behaviors, I will feel bullied. I will not be bullied. How about you? Is it easy to allow others to have their opinion? Is it easy to set limits for those who violate your values? Watch for the blind spots. I appreciate you reading, commenting, and sharing these posts. If you want to find out more about discovering your blind spots get your book today. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #blindspots #counselingworks #leadershipdevelopment #controlling #thinking #wednesday #WednesdayWisdom #wednesdayvibes #dailyhabits #betterme #mindsetmatters #bettereveryday #different #GodsPlan #God #wearedifferent #difference #uniquelydifferent #uniquelymade #mindset #toastmasters #bekind #dailyinspiration

I often encounter something that stops me in my tracks. It is so easy to get derailed. When my plan doesn't get implemented, or I get ambushed along the way, I sometimes want to give up or go into my fight-or-flight mode. It isn't easy to see a new future or direction. Often, I allow my emotions to get the best of me. It is only natural to feel disappointed or distracted during this time; I can't see the future. At one time, a traffic light on the way to my office was terribly congested. I found a back road that allowed me to skirt around the light. One morning, I took the shortcut again, and when I got to the street I was looking for, there was a policeman with three cars pulled over ahead of me. Man, here I am late already, and now I have to face this guy. My mind raced to being late, my insurance going up, and I have an excellent driving record, now I will blemish that record. Nothing indicated this was a private road. I had every excuse ready and why I should be given a warning at most. When he finally made his way back to me, nothing I said stopped him from writing profusely and with a smile. He said, “Tell it to the judge, have a great day.” Man was I fuming. Injustice, unfairness, unreasonableness, and other things rattled in my anxious mind. I got to the office and took care of what I needed to do to catch up. It began to dawn on me that I could not do anything but follow the process. The outcome? No ticket and probation for six months. It’s interesting how, in the moment, my anxious brain took over and masked my intellect. [Blind Spot] Of course, this depends on the severity of the circumstances. Small things allow a swifter recovery. When I encounter significant issues, as quickly as possible I ask myself the question, "So what…now what?" This question allows me to focus on gathering facts rather than analyzing issues using my emotions. How about you? Can you employ this mantra for your benefit? Watch for the blind spots. I appreciate you reading, commenting, sharing these posts. If you want to find out more about discovering your blind spots get your book today. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #mondaymood #mondaythoughts #mondaymotivation #betterme #bettereveryday #blindspots #successcoach #successmindset #counseling #selfimprovement #mindsetmatters #mindsetiseverything #sowhat #fightorflightresponse #relationshipadvice #relationshipcoach #choicesmatter #relationshiptips #responsibility #bekind

Parenting can be one of the most blissful or challenging issues we face. The balance of juggling responsibilities, decisions, and emotions can sometimes be one of the most difficult tasks in life. The outcome of making decisions for our children today might be absent for years. One common challenge is when the parents allow the children to divide them. In healthy families, parents are at the pinnacle of the family. They are in charge and are the decision-makers. Ideally, they are in sync and share common goals and interests for their children. This doesn't always happen. Children are naturally resourceful and observant, quick to notice the differences in their parents' opinions, attitudes, and reactions. This innate ability can sometimes lead them to exploit these differences to their advantage. When a child wants something that one parent is more likely to grant than the other, they may approach the more permissive parent first, presenting their request with sweet words and innocent eyes. This is a game children learn inherently, an age-old issue that is not taught yet it continues to be practiced as if it were. I call it splitting the parents. I hear, "Go ask your mom or dad." This is when that parent is busy, distracted, or even disinterested. One parent tends to be stricter, while the other tends to be more lenient. I observe the stricter one becomes, the more lenient the other becomes. This is circular and can create a severe imbalance between the two, resulting in a new problem that is unrelated to the child's role. This issue may morph into parental discontent, creating a whole new problem. It will appear in their demeanor and have an effect on their relationship with the children. Coalitions between parents and children can cause a terrible imbalance in the family. Splitting the parents is in children of all ages, yes, even with adult children. Remember, the coalition in healthy families is between the parents who remain unsplit by the children. Parents who are united show their children strength and confidence. Are you balanced as parents? Watch for the blind spots. I appreciate you reading, commenting, sharing these posts. If you want to find out more about discovering your blind spots get your book today. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #blindspots #mindsetmatters #bettereveryday #mindset #bekind #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #counseling #fridayvibes #friday #fridaymotivation #communication #parenting #parentingtips #ParentingJourney #mindsetiseverything #toastmasters #businesscoaching #successcoach #dailyinspiration #betterme

If anyone has ever had control issues, it has been me. The paradox of going out of control to gain control is a hidden contradiction. For me, having authority is a fundamental human desire. In the past, I tended to exert control over the people I loved, my environment and any situations I found myself in. I can navigate life's uncertainties with confidence and security by having self-control. However, there are moments when this desire for control is not available to me. Exerting control over others in a relationship causes them to feel controlled, and hence out of control. When I am the one who is being controlled, I don't like it at all. Being in control of others causes uncertainties with their confidence and security. It can become an oppressive force, leading me to wreak destruction to their spontaneity and creativity. [Blind Spot] Trust is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship, and to gain trust, I must allow vulnerability by letting go of the need to control every aspect of the connection. Ironically, I strengthen the bond by embracing vulnerability, realizing that love and connection flourish without excessive control. It took me many years to recognize this blind spot for myself. There is no telling how many people I have chased away in my life. Because control was a blind spot for me, I would rationalize, minimize, or justify my position when someone attempted to call it to my attention. This was also a form of control that was hidden from me. I was doing things that were showing up as counterproductive for me, and I didn't know it. [Blind Spot] I have learned that I can only control myself through personal growth, attention to feedback, and the desire to build a better me. By doing this, I can exert influence over others, but I do not control them. What a relief it is now to yield control to others and promote confidence and learning even though others I love may make mistakes. Indeed, it is essential to be ready to protect others from disasters to avoid danger, terrible harm, or self-destruction. How do you deal with control? Would any of your loved ones say they feel controlled by you? Watch for the blind spots. I appreciate you reading, commenting, sharing these posts. If you want to find out more about discovering your blind spots get your book today. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #blindspots #counselingworks #leadershipdevelopment #controlissues #control #controlling #thinking #wednesday #WednesdayWisdom #wednesdayvibes #dailyhabits #betterme #mindsetmatters #bettereveryday #mindset #toastmasters #bekind #dailyinspiration

Blame has existed since time began and has played a vital role in the downfall of relationships. The blame game started in the story of Adam, Eve, and the snake. This age-old story illustrates how blaming others has been around forever and can be highly detrimental to the health of relationships. In the story of Adam and Eve, when confronted by God about eating the forbidden fruit, Adam immediately blamed Eve, and Eve, in turn, blamed the snake. This knee-jerk reaction of shifting responsibility onto someone else demonstrates the tendency to dodge accountability. Much like Adam and Eve, we often blame others when faced with our shortcomings or mistakes. [Blind Spot] Blame in relationships hinders personal growth and change. Blame alienates the other in the relationship because it comes across as immature and condescending. When we attribute problems solely to our partners, we avoid self-reflection and self-improvement. Blame repels rather than attracts. Proper relationship growth and transformation can only occur when we take ownership of our actions and emotions. Healthy relationships thrive on open communication, empathy, and compromise. Blaming erects barriers to these essential elements and fosters defensiveness and resentment, making it challenging to resolve conflicts constructively. In such an environment, conflicts tend to escalate, leading to a breakdown in the relationship. Introspection plays a crucial role in maintaining healthy relationships. When we pause and reflect on our actions, feelings, and contributions to a situation and we choose accountability rather than blame, we look great in the other’s eyes. Accepting accountability lets us communicate our feelings and expectations to our partners. Blame hinders personal development, disrupts healthy communication, and erodes trust. Taking responsibility for our actions and emotions fosters stronger and more harmonious relationships, allowing us to escape the harmful cycle of blame. Introspection allows us to become emotionally mature. Blame has the opposite effect. Watch for the blind spots. I appreciate you reading, commenting, sharing these posts. If you want to find out more about discovering your blind spots get your book today. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #mondaymood #mondaythoughts #mondaymotivation #betterme #bettereveryday #blindspots #successcoach #successmindset #counseling #selfimprovement #mindsetmatters #mindsetiseverything #adamandeve #blame #quietconfidence #relationships #relationshipadvice #relationshipcoach #choicesmatter #relationshiptips #responsibility #bekind

These terms are often used interchangeably. I have separated them. Happiness is based on my circumstances, while joy is sourced from within, regardless of my surroundings. Often, I hear talk about the desire to be happy. This is a good idea, yet I view happiness because of my circumstances. If this is the case, happiness is characterized by a sense of contentment, satisfaction, and general well-being based on what is happening around me. It is easy to feel happy when I celebrate things in my life or when things seem to fall into place. Because I cannot control my circumstances, the relentless pursuit of sustained happiness can be elusive and frustrating. The Apostle Paul found joy even while in chains. Oh my! Put me in chains, and finding joy would be very difficult. Yet when joy is sourced from within, I can find it anywhere. I find myself in chains when I don't have control in various situations such as working in the heat, dealing with exorbitant prices, getting stuck in traffic, waiting for late deliveries, being late to important events, and many others. When these are the circumstances that I am facing and I only focus on them, I cannot find any happiness. [Blind Spot] When I say, “So what, now what?" I can look for things I can control. I can’t go back and unring the bell or change what has happened, but I can choose how I react. I can pray, read, listen to a motivating podcast, put on my favorite music, watch a recorded movie, do a project I have been putting off, or go do something healthy. I have learned to choose joy over happenstance. I can do so many other things than focus on what I can’t do. Inner peace and joy are closely interconnected. Practice activities that calm your mind and create space for joy to emerge. These practices help you connect with your inner self and experience a profound sense of tranquility and joy. What are your methods of self-care and calming? It is great to have all of them identified so that you can pick and choose what to do when the chains of everyday life bind you. Watch for the blind spots. I appreciate you reading, commenting, sharing these posts. If you want to find out more about discovering your blind spots get your book today. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #blindspots #mindsetmatters #bettereveryday #mindset #bekind #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #counseling #joy #joyorhappy #happiness #joyful #pursuitofhappiness #happy #fridayvibes #friday #fridaymotivation #communication #mindsetiseverything #toastmasters #businesscoaching #successcoach #dailyinspiration #betterme