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Last Sunday was Pentecost, a time that reminded me of the Holy Spirit’s arrival and power. It also reminded me the Fruit of the Spirit, described in Galatians 5, a set of nine virtues that grow in us through the work of the Holy Spirit: Love Joy Peace Patience Kindness Goodness Faithfulness Gentleness  And Self-control Years ago, I sat in a Sunday school class where we were asked to compare our spiritual knowledge to educational levels, from pre-K to PhD. Most of us placed ourselves in the lower grades, a humbling reminder of how far we had to grow. That memory inspired me to consider: What if we rated ourselves from 1 to 10 on each of these fruits? What might that reveal? Rating myself invites honest self-examination. I often assume I’m doing “fine,” but growth begins when I admit where I’m not. Self-rating reveals spiritual and relational blind spots. “What I don’t know, I don’t know, can keep me stuck. But what I see, I can surrender and shape.” If I rate myself low in patience or self-control, I could respond with shame. But instead, I see it as a starting point. It shifts my mindset from perfection to transformation. Rather than vague intentions like “I want to be a better person,”  I can set focused goals: “I want to grow from a 3 to a 5 in gentleness by practicing how I respond when I feel misunderstood.” As I cultivate these fruits, I’ve noticed: More peace in my relationships Greater clarity in emotional responses A softer heart, toward others  and myself And Influence through Christlike presence Self-rating is not about judgment. It's a tool for deepening my walk with God and becoming more of who I was created to be. Watch for the blind spots.   👀 Don’t wait to uncover what you don’t know you don’t know! 💡 Blind Spots in Relationships,  get your copy today,  http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

Growing up, being right felt like a matter of survival. When I was wrong, I felt embarrassed, even ashamed. Being right gave me a sense of safety, control, and confidence. But looking back, I can see how distorted that thinking was. There were times I was so sure of myself, yet others may have seen the truth and let me pass, not out of agreement, but out of grace. There was a time when I would fight hard to be right, even if it cost me peace, connection, or the very relationship I wanted to protect. I believed being correct made me strong, respectable, even lovable. But over time, I’ve learned being right isn’t the same as being wise. In many conversations, I wasn’t understanding, and I was listening to correct. I was focused on proving my point and needed to win. But in doing so, I often left the other person feeling dismissed, misunderstood, or unloved. I may have won the argument, but I lost something far more important: trust, intimacy, and emotional safety. It takes strength to admit when I’m wrong. But it takes even more strength to let go of needing to be right when it no longer serves the relationship. Sometimes, the facts matter less than how someone feels. It’s not always about correcting their perspective; it’s about hearing their heart. Relationships aren’t competitions. They’re partnerships. If one of us must win, then both of us lose. Humility invites connection. It says, “I care more about us  than about proving myself.” That’s where healing happens, in honesty, vulnerability, and grace. Now, when tension arises, I ask myself: Do I want to be right, or do I want to be in the right relationship?  That simple question helps me pause, soften, and choose curiosity over control. Because at the end of the day, people won’t remember if I was right. They’ll remember how I made them feel. And these days, when the people I love feel heard, respected, and right, I feel like I’ve truly won. I choose wisdom over being right. Watch for the blind spots. 👀 Don’t wait to uncover what you don’t know you don’t know! 💡 Blind Spots in Relationships,  get your copy today,  http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

Have you ever heard something about yourself that wasn't exactly flattering?  I have, and for years, tried to rationalize, minimize, or dismiss it. Growing up with a deep sense of shame made negative feedback feel like a personal attack. It stung more than I wanted to admit. But over time, I've come to see those moments differently. Today, I view feedback, even the hard-to-hear kind, as one of the most powerful tools for growth. I've learned to lean in with curiosity, not defensiveness. If someone is courageous enough to tell me how they experience me, that's a gift. It gives me the chance to become a better version of myself. Relationships are shaped not just by how we feel about others but by how we make them feel. And often, I've been unaware of how my words, tone, or energy affected those around me. Without realizing it, I could be pushing someone away, not out of malice, but simply because of unawareness. In conversations and workshops, I often ask a question: "What do you hope people say about you when they are talking to your friends and family?" The responses are always inspiring: "I like being around her." "I feel good about myself when I'm with him." "I've learned so much from her." "His humor is contagious." "I'd want her on my team." Then I ask the real kicker: "Who writes the story they use to talk about you?" That's when it clicks; "we do."  People talk about us based on their experience of  us. We write the script they use. That can be a humbling realization. It's also incredibly empowering. If someone's story about me isn't the one I want to be told, I can rewrite it. I can show up differently, speak more kindly, and listen more openly. Knowing now who writes my script others use to talk about me, I can reshape how I'm remembered, starting today. Watch for the blind spots.   Get a copy of Blind Spots in Relationships. Discover the hidden behavior that could be holding you back from the relationships you desire. http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

Have you ever found yourself spinning a story in your head about a friend, a partner, or a coworker without ever saying a word out loud?  I know I have. When I feel anxious, confused, or unsettled, my mind can craft entire narratives and the more I keep those stories to myself, the more real they begin to feel. But here’s the problem : if I don’t share what I’m thinking, how can anyone possibly understand where I’m coming from?   I often work with couples who are miles apart emotionally, not because of what’s said but because of what is unsaid . They sit across from each other, both confused, hurt, or frustrated. When I ask, “What story are you telling yourself right now?” They look puzzled. “What story?”  they ask. And yet, as we talk, the story always emerges: “He must not care,” “She’s pulling away,” “They’re mad at me.”   The truth is we all tell ourselves stories. But when we don’t verify those stories. When we don’t share our story or when we don’t ask the other to clarify or open up, we act on assumptions. Assumptions are often the cause of problems.   If I think someone is angry with me, I may withdraw or get defensive. But maybe they are not angry at all; perhaps they are tired, distracted, or hurting about something else entirely. If I never ask, I never find out. And that gap between us can widen, quietly but powerfully, into real distance.   This happens in marriages, families, offices, churches, and friendships.   So, I’ve learned to ask better questions:   — What story am I telling myself right now?   —What story are you telling yourself?     — What are we not talking about that we need to talk about?   Healthy relationships are built on clarity, not mind-reading. When I stop assuming and start sharing, something beautiful happens, and I connect.   The story in my head might not be the whole truth. It deserves to be checked out with care, curiosity, and a desire for connection.   Watch for the blind spots. Great leaders understand their blind spots—do you? Blind Spots in Relationships  is your guide to unlocking self-awareness and building stronger connections. 💡 Get a copy today. 📚 http:// tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

In the early 1990s, our church had just moved into a brand-new building.  Around the same time, a nearby church burned down. Its members, rather than rebuild, joined our congregation. That’s how I met JD, someone I will never forget. JD wasn’t someone you’d overlook, but he was someone I had underestimated.   We formed a mixed slow-pitch softball team, not a great team, but a fun one. JD, who couldn’t run fast or throw far, became our pitcher. Ironically, he was one of our best players. We weren’t playing for trophies; we were playing for laughs. JD fit right in.   JD was…different. He wore a tie to church every Sunday, and that tie wore breakfast like a badge, eggs, jelly, honey, and mystery stains. He was playful, joyful, and incredibly welcoming. Before the service began, he’d walk around greeting people with a radiant smile and a handshake full of life.   One Sunday, I was at the back of the sanctuary, joking with my friend Bert. We were laughing when he suddenly got quiet and asked, “I wonder why God put JD in my life.”   The question hit me like a thunderclap. My laughter died. In that instant, a flood of emotions overtook me: shock, guilt, shame, humility. How could I have missed it?  I had judged JD for his quirks and dismissed him as odd when, in truth, he was teaching me something vital: compassion.   That moment cracked open a blind spot I didn’t know I had. My own heart had been narrowing, guarded by a quiet arrogance. JD, in his messy tie and unfiltered kindness, had been living the Gospel far better than I was.   Since that day, I’ve carried his memory with me, especially when I feel tempted to judge. Every time I encounter someone I don’t understand, I try to stop and ask, “Why did God put this person in my life, and who am I to judge”?   Two powerful questions changed the way I see and love others.   Watch for the blind spots .     Great leaders understand their blind spots—do you? Blind Spots in Relationships  is your guide to unlocking self-awareness and building stronger connections. 💡 Get a copy today. 📚 http:// tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

Some compliments are more than words; they're treasures etched into our memory. When someone shows up for us in a moment of need, offers a kind word, or believes in us when we don't believe in ourselves, that gratitude stays alive. Those kinds of compliments don't fade. They become part of our story. They lift our spirits years later, just as they did the day they were spoken. They remind us of the power of kindness, of being seen, of being valued. A heartfelt compliment is a gift that never grows old. It's a way of saying, "I still remember what you did. I still carry that moment with me." Compliments like: I'll never forget how stunning you looked on our wedding day. You took my breath away. I mentioned your presentation at the last team meeting to our president, which was outstanding. You nailed the key points. That romantic dinner you cooked for our anniversary last year was delicious. It was such a special night. Your positive attitude always brightens the office. You're such a pleasure to work with, and it makes the days better. I was telling your mom about your incredible sense of humor. You always know how to make me laugh, even on my worst days. It has been six months now. Thank you, Dad, for being there during my legal battle. You are always there when I need you most. Your support during that challenging time meant the world to me. Growing up with you, I've always admired your kindness and how you care for others. You're a fantastic sister and friend. We talked about you at the reunion, how your smile lights up our home, and how your laughter brings so much joy into our lives. The kids and I talked last night about what an incredible listener you are. We appreciate how you're always there to support us. Is there someone whose kindness deserves to be spoken again? The beauty of a genuine compliment is this: it can make someone's day, even years after it was first earned. Watch for the blind spots. 📌 Save it. 🗣️ Share it. Comment. Great leaders understand their blind spots—do you? Blind Spots in Relationships is your guide to unlocking self-awareness and building stronger connections. Get a copy today. 📚 http:// tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp #echoes   #blindspots   #relationships   #compliments   #watchthis   #goodjob   #bettereveryday

I have found it is easy to fall into the habit of “self-beating-up.”  The danger of automatic negative self-talk is that saying it long enough can lead to believing it.   Negative self-talk sounds like:   “Yeah, but I...”   “If only I had…”   “I’m such a failure.”   “I’ll never get it right.”   These statements may seem harmless initially, but they slowly carve deep grooves in my thinking, creating blind spots and limiting beliefs. Before long, I was trapped in self-doubt, not even realizing that I’d internalized other people’s criticisms as my truth.   It’s like the story of the frog in the boiling pot; if I stay too long in negativity, I don’t notice how much damage it’s doing until it’s too late.   Tough days are not the problem. They’re the training ground. Without them, I wouldn’t appreciate the good ones or feel the pride that comes from growth and resilience.   But as Jim Rohn wisely said, “It’s not what happens—it’s what you do about it.”   So, how do we stop majoring on your minuses?   Start by identifying 100 good things about yourself. Yes—100. Write them down. Don’t stop at ten. Keep going. You’ll be amazed at what comes to light when you go beyond the surface.   Then, create a mantra that affirms who you are and who you are becoming. A mantra is a short, powerful statement you can repeat, especially when those old doubts try to creep back in. Think of it as a breath prayer, something you whisper to yourself when you feel overwhelmed.   For example:   “I am strong, wise, and full of purpose.”   “I am courageous, resilient, and kind.”   “I face the wind—and rise.”   When we fill our minds with enough truth, lies lose their power. Say it often, believe it and live it daily.   Take stock of the good. Leave the “self-beating-up”  behind. And every day, choose to build a better you.   Watch for the blind spots.   👀 Discover how to uncover what you don’t know you don’t know with my book Blind Spots in Relationships, get it today, http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

During my tour of Vietnam, I remember after each search and destroy operation, we would gather on the flight deck of the USS Okinawa , a helicopter carrier, for a solemn ceremony. One by one, the names of the fallen were read aloud by the Chaplin. As he spoke each name, a fellow Marine from their squad would step forward with precision and purpose. He would march to a designated spot on the deck, remove his helmet, and place it carefully among a growing formation of helmets, each representing a Marine who didn't return to the ship. No speeches. No music. Just silence, reverence, and the weight of sacrifice.   It was quiet. Sacred. It was a powerful tribute to those who gave everything.   Over time, Memorial Day has signaled the beginning of summer, sales, barbecues, and long weekends. But its true meaning runs much deeper.   Memorial Day is a day of remembrance. It exists to honor the men and women of the U.S. military who died in service to our country. Not veterans in general, not those currently serving, but specifically those who never made it home.   These were sons and daughters, husbands and wives, neighbors and friends. They raised their right hands, took an oath, and gave their lives in defense of ideals bigger than themselves. Whether they died on foreign soil, in training accidents, or in battles most of us will never fully understand, their sacrifice was real and final.   Memorial Day is not about politics or war. It's about people, ordinary Americans who made the ultimate sacrifice.   So yes, let's enjoy our weekend. Gather with loved ones. But please, also take a moment to pause. Visit a cemetery. Tell your children what this day is for. Fly a flag. Speak the names of the fallen if you know them.   The freedoms we enjoy were bought by those who gave it all.   Let’s never forget. 👀 Discover how to uncover what you don’t know you don’t know with my book Blind Spots in Relationships, get it today, http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

A while back, I was in a crowded mall on a tax-free back-to-school weekend, trying to replace my phone’s screen saver. I wasn’t feeling well— achy, low energy, and the added stress of a packed parking lot had already frayed my nerves when I walked in. Earlier that day, I was checked for COVID and was relieved that I didn’t even have a fever.   In the mall, the employee helping me seemed equally worn out. Before long, our conversation shifted from solving a simple tech issue to an exchange driven more by emotion than reason.   I felt like I was involved in the old “bait and switch” game. When the transaction ended, I was stunned to be asked for an extra $20 above our original agreement. Frustration flared, but I took a deep breath, paid what he asked, and he surprised me with a $20 discount. Impulsively grateful, I tipped him $20. As reality set in, neither of us had gained from our heightened emotions.   Reflecting on “if I could do it again,”  I see how better preparation could have changed everything. A quick self‑inventory, acknowledging my low tolerance that day, would have helped me stay calm. Presenting myself with patience and respect would have preserved my composure and made the interaction smoother for both of us.   In relationships and everyday encounters, reacting poorly when unprepared or overwhelmed is all too easy. Asking if I had a do-over, how would I do this differently?  Turns regret into growth. It allows me to rehearse a kinder, more thoughtful response by revisiting a situation or equipping myself for the next time. These situations recur, and having thought through them prepares me for the following circumstances. These healthy questions position me for better outcomes and richer connections in the future. Keeping a good inventory of my emotional condition helps me respond more favorably and steer clear of a significant conflict.   Watch for the blind spots.   👀 Discover how to uncover what you don’t know you don’t know with my book Blind Spots in Relationships, get it today, http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

Pride wears many faces. It can glow warmly when we cheer for our family, school, or team, and it can sour into arrogance, a sense of “better than”  that fractures relationships.   Yesterday, a friend confessed that at one point in his life, he “ran out of pride.”  I love that thought. His childhood, shaped by a stern father, taught him that approval was scarce, and toughness was everything. Unaware of any other way, he carried that harshness into his parenting. His son felt the same distance he had endured, and only now, faced with the errors he’d passed on, does he work hard to rebuild a gentler bond with his son and grandchildren.   I saw a mirror in his story. Like him, I learned early to compare myself to others and to feel unworthy when I didn’t measure up. I polished my exterior, joining the Marines and graduating college, excelling at work and sports not just out of passion but to mask the dull ache inside. Superficial achievements drew applause but never touched the shy, insecure kid beneath.   It was exhausting keeping that mask in place. Those who knew only the surface saw confidence; those who looked closer saw a man who was often angry, emotionally immature, and afraid. I needed others to affirm a greatness I didn’t feel. And yet, whenever I stumbled, or became the butt of a joke, I could not laugh with them. Shame cut too deeply.   Today, I’ve reclaimed a truer kind of pride born of humility and authenticity. I can acknowledge my faults without self-condemnation, seeing each as an invitation to grow rather than a mark of shame. My confidence radiates from the inside out; nothing external can diminish it.   I’ve learned that true pride isn’t about looking good; it’s about being genuine and lifting others up so they can shine. I accept my past mistakes and use them to guide better choices for the future.   Do you seek to dazzle with your exterior, or nurture a quiet glow from within?   Watch for the blind spots.   👀 Discover how to uncover what you don’t know you don’t know with my book Blind Spots in Relationships,  get it today, http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp #RealTalk #EmotionalGrowth #HealingJourney #PrideReimagined #UnmaskingTheTruth #AuthenticLiving #GenerationalHealing #FacesOfPride #FromPainToPurpose #ShineFromWithin

After reading my post on blame, a friend asked me to tackle the topic of defensiveness. She wrote, “While reading about blame, I imagined addressing the issue with someone, but they might get very defensive, and bringing a blind spot to their attention might go awry. If someone pointed out my blind spot, I might have a knee‑jerk reaction of defensiveness.”  Her question highlights a real dilemma: how do you help someone see a blind spot without triggering that automatic defensive response?   Blind spots are habitual words or actions that push others away before we realize what we’ve done. Pointing them out can feel like an attack, activating the brain’s fight‑or‑flight response. Statements that begin with “you,”  such as “You’re controlling,”  tend to ignite feelings of blame and shut down open communication.   There is, however, a gentler approach. Begin by replacing “you”  statements with “I” statements expressing your experience. For example, say, “I feel pushed away when this happens,”  or “I want us to feel safe together,” instead of “You never listen.”  Next, frame the conversation as a shared dilemma: “I’m in a bind—if I tell you I’m hurt, I worry I’ll upset you; if I stay silent, I’ll feel even more hurt later. Could we talk this through together?”  This phrasing invites collaboration rather than blame, creating a shared problem to solve. Throughout, listen actively and remain calm, even if defensiveness flares. Pause rather than argue and rephrase your words until the other person feels heard and safe. Cultivating emotional maturity is key. That means recognizing and managing your emotions while tuning in to the other person’s feelings and responding with genuine empathy. Choose the right moment, ensure privacy, and maintain a respectful tone. If attempts to address blind spots persist or spiral, consider enlisting a neutral third party, such as a counselor, to guide the dialogue productively. Although it can be challenging, addressing blind spots is worth the effort. It builds closeness rather than distance, creating an atmosphere of safety and respect where both people can grow. You open a path to stronger connection and deeper understanding by offering empathy, respect, and curiosity. Watch for the blind spots.   👀 Discover how to uncover what you don’t know you don’t know with my book Blind Spots in Relationships, get it today, http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp

Have you ever wanted to do something that takes effort?  You know it's worthwhile, yet it doesn't get finished. I certainly have. I've given myself several deadlines that come and go.   What is holding me back?  I'm working on a project I want to release soon, and I continue to find more to do than to finish . The distractions aren't loud. They're subtle, even justifiable, an email here, a small task there, a helpful errand, a phone call. They feel important, but I know I'm avoiding something deep down.   I'm not avoiding the work itself. I'm avoiding the risk that comes with finishing.   Because once I finish, it's out there. People can see, judge, ignore, or respond to it. Finishing means letting go of control and opening myself to feedback, or silence. And that's vulnerable. It's much safer to stay in the land of "almost done."   But here's what I've learned: I can confuse activity with progress. Staying busy doesn't mean I'm moving forward. If I'm honest, sometimes I stay busy to avoid the discomfort of completion. There's safety in planning, tweaking, and reworking. But growth only happens when I ship it. I push it out the door and say, "This is my best for now."   So today, I'm taking a different approach. I'm not asking, "What else needs to be added? " I'm asking, "What's keeping me from calling it complete? "   I'm practicing the courage to release something imperfect. Done is better than perfect, and action, messy, uncertain, vulnerable action, is the only way to build momentum.   If you're stuck in that loop, let this remind you: The world doesn't need your perfect project.  It needs your honest one, your courageous one, the one that reflects your growth, your voice, and your willingness to show up, even when it's uncomfortable.   Finish it, share it, and let the next step unfold. I love it when I get to adhere to my own words.   Watch for the blind spots.   👀 Discover how to uncover what you don’t know you don’t know with my book Blind Spots in Relationships, get it today, http://tinyurl.com/yc3usfsp