BUILD A BETTER YOU
JERRY D CLARK BLOG

Yes, it is the season. And I got to thinking about how football relates to the game of life. It is essential that I live my life being intentional and strategic— it's not the easiest way, it takes courage, planning, and knowing what I want to accomplish in the end. I need to know who I am and where I'm going, or I will take the path of least persistence. Yes, persistence. It is easy for me to be lazy and make excuses to simply act, react, or play to the moves and timing of ot

I have the privilege of co-presenting a series on Blind Spots at my home church, Bay Harbour UMC, League City, Texas. Sr. Pastor Stephen will be speaking on the blind spots of the leaders in the scripture. I will be addressing today's worldview perspective on blind spots that I have observed in my life and practice. It is a powerfully collaborative series that I'm thrilled to share with you. The video below is the 9 am Traditional Service. You can listen to the full message o

Holding grudges is like being very ill and not seeking medical assistance. Joe and Janice have been arguing about the same thing for over a week. The argument is not that important, but they just keep it going. How long will this last? Who is at fault? What will it take to begin to move forward in the relationship? Small things that get carried along can morph into larger things as they continue to persist. Being able to resolve these small skirmishes will be a gift to the fu

Have you ever looked at the cost of a broken or fractured relationship? If it leads to a divorce, it can be horribly expensive in both dollars and emotional pain. They can cost tens of thousands of dollars in addition to excruciating emotional anguish. Divorce doesn’t just affect two people. It can be a traumatic experience for children, and no one can put a price on the children's tears or the concern of those who care about the two of you. I have witnessed too many tears du

Couples and families come into my office locked into arguments that create defensiveness and emotional pain which is difficult to dispel. In this instance, we only see and hear what the ‘other person’ is doing to contribute to the difficulty in this situation. Many years ago, I recall a single mom who had a 9-year-old son. She reported that her son was very disrespectful and argumentative and whenever an argument ensued, he would run to his room and hide under his bed. She sa

Have you ever found yourself in conversations doing any of these things? Filibustering or trying to convince Avoiding or abandoning the conversation Becoming argumentative or angry Pleasing or placating Using humor Notice these are things that we learn as children. It is my observation that learning to reduce stress as children, we found ourselves doing these things: Temper tantrum Yelling Getting quiet or alone Causing a distraction by pleasing Using humor to break the tensi

Superman, Ironman, Spiderman, or Flash? What's not to like about a hero who wears a cape and can fly in to save you from grave danger at a moment's notice? There is another hero to consider, a Greek hero, Achilles. He was the son of an immortal goddess named Thetis and a mortal man named Peleus. When Achilles was born, Thetis thought she could make him immortal by submerging him into the River Styx. As legend has it, Thetis held Achilles by his heel when she dipped him into t

Bob and Amy have been married for five years. He had to go into the office early and was required to stay late, it’s been a long day. On the drive home, Bob is trying to clear his mind of work clutter, because he is ready to get home and feel the comfort of his family. Upon his arrival, Amy meets him with the statement, “you are late!” He immediately flares back, “I've been working all day, and this is the way I get greeted?” She retorts “Well, why didn't you call?” He knows

Joe and Janice have been married for 11 years. They have a fractured relationship, and it has been eroding for the past three. It has been going downhill so slightly that neither is aware of their current circumstances. So, Joe comes in and the first thing Janice mentions is that he forgot to do something she asked him to do earlier. Joe loses it and shouts, “You only look at what I don't do, not what I do. I am the one who makes this household run as it does. You are only cr

You have a strong sense of self-worth; you know what you want and how to get it. You are assertive enough to get people's attention, but not so aggressive that you scare them away. Your life is going exactly as you planned, and you are truly happy—AND THEN—something completely unexpected comes at you like a ton of bricks and sends stars whirling around your head. Someone draws your attention to a behavior that is obvious to everyone but you. You are shocked, perplexed, and le

Early in a relationship...the seed. I meet someone and feel a mutual attraction. On the first date, I throw out all the hamburger sacks tossed in the back seat of my car. I wouldn’t want them to think I might be a slob. We talk about who we are and have a lot of fun getting to know each other. I find myself wanting to spend more thyme with them. It's simple to dig into a conversation and ask questions, to be accepting, positive, and interested. It's so appealing to feel a con

I think we have all been there, our son, daughter, or someone we care about comes to us and says, “I am not smart enough!”, “I am not pretty.” “I can’t do anything right!” And before they can even get the words out, we are like, “Oh yes you are! You are the smartest young man I know!” or “You are very pretty.” “You can do it and you will!” We grab at the low-hanging fruit thinking “I got this!” and in our haste to make them feel better, we do the opposite. We invalidate their

You are in a classroom where students are working on a group project. The deadline is approaching, but they are far from finishing and the teacher is inquiring about their status. Immediately the students start to explain themselves, everyone starts to point fingers and the discussion goes round in circles as they try to avoid the blame and pin it on someone else. “Not MY fault” Ouch! [Blind Spot] Blame avoids culpability. Blame means I do not need to change because if you wo

Life, love, and the “pursuit” of…. relationships. There is nothing more thrilling, more exciting than the feeling that “the one” is attracted to you and the pursuit begins. You become completely wrapped up in one another’s lives, inseparable. Yes, life cannot be sweeter. But it is just a memory because you have been feeling for the past few months, maybe even years now stuck in a rut, the chemistry is toned down, communication is off, and something just feels adrift. Now you

Individuation is a process by which a person becomes an “individual.” It is a separation of intellect, emotion, and independence of self from others. It means being able to be guided and in charge of your own thoughts or emotions and not others’ expectations or emotions. The greater the level of individuation, the more you can act from your own core under any circumstance. Being fused is the opposite of individuation. If you are “fused,” whatever is going on around you is imp