BUILD A BETTER YOU
JERRY D CLARK BLOG

Shame is a deadly feeling or emotion that cripples interpersonal and external relationships. Shame highlights the weak points within. It can be a convenient source of defensiveness as we read on Monday. Shame is what is handed to us by others. Their denigrating comments, or gestures are the source of shame, as are being teased, ridiculed, or put down. It's difficult to accept or understand if you don't experience it, just like so many other emotions. It is likely to hear the

Robin and Ralph had been married for some time. This evening Robin meets him at the door with, “Why didn't you call? Why didn't you let me know when you left to come home? You never keep me informed about what you are doing. You don't have a problem communicating with your buddies.” Wow. What a conversation. It sounds like a plateful of complaints—didn't call, didn't let me know, never keep me informed. You can tell your buddies, but not me. These kinds of comments can feel l

Too many times, I hear the words, “I have given until I can give no more. My relationship has evolved into a one-way street. I can no longer do this. I want out.” Ouch! These words come from generous people who enjoy giving and making others “happy”, but it is easy to lose sight of who is in charge of our happiness. You are headed down a long road of disappointment if you make yourself responsible for other people's happiness. It is wonderful to be around people who are true

I get the opportunity to work with wonderful people. Many have blind spots chipping away at their future success and happiness. Blind spots frequently show themselves in harmful ways at home and work. Why? Because we struggle to understand others or ourselves when our perspective is clouded. It makes it more challenging to frame our interactions and behaviors logically. It quickly leads to misunderstandings, anger, disrespect, and isolation, none of which are healthy outcomes

Continuing our conversation from the post on Monday, “Safe Listening,” combined with gently curious questions softly probe thoughts and ideas causing others to learn more about themselves while you are also gaining information. These types of questions allow you to drill down and get a deeper understanding of the circumstances that may be contributing to one’s emotional distress. An emotional person cannot hear facts. I say that when someone is hurt, frustrated, confused, or

I was listening to a friend talking about legacy and what he wanted to leave behind when he is gone. He was wanting to make a difference in the world around him. I have thought the same thing. Just look at the people who have left amazing legacies such as business moguls, artist, musicians, politicians, educators, ordinary people, the list is endless. Who would not want to be on the list of major legacy makers. Of course, there are some who might say they don’t care what lega

Dave and George were brothers and had adjoining properties for many years. These properties were adorned with beautiful trees, lush grass, and a small, flowing creek that separated them. Their relationship had grown distant over the years. One would try things to mend the relationship and the other would bring up past grievances. Then the roles would reverse, and the same results came about. The brothers’ inability to unite continued to cause frustration. Their families cheri

I recently heard a story of the man who approached the pearly gates and met St. Peter. Peter was so happy to see him and welcomed him in. As the man was looking at the amazing wonders of heaven, he noticed in the distance a massive warehouse. It looked somewhat out of place. He asked Peter what it was for, and Peter ignored his question. They continued to talk, and the man was full of questions that Peter answered freely. Every time the man asked about the massive storage bui

Several years ago, we were invited to have Thanksgiving dinner with our neighbors. During the meal, the host ask us to talk about what we were thankful for. It was a great experience to declare our thankfulness and listen to others. I understand this is customary in many families. We live in a world of negativity and sometimes don’t recognize it. One of the best lessons I learned, was when I was picking up my friend from dialysis. I sat in the waiting room and listened to dia

I was talking to a gentleman whose son, Al, lives in his father's house alone. He lives about 15 miles away and comes over two times a week to buy groceries, clean, and cook for Al. Al did not finish high school, and at the age of 23, is legally allowed to drive but has chosen not to get a license. His only social connection is entertaining himself by playing video games with friends online and on social media. “I just don’t have time to do any chores like cleaning, trash, wa

Happy Wednesday. I want to thank you for joining me on this journey. For the better part of a year, I've been selecting topics to post about and guide us toward discovering and exposing blind spots and building a better you. Wow, the time has flown, and what a pleasure it is to share with you my story, strategies, and principles. I am reaching out to see how things are going and to see if there are any issues, concerns, or challenges you may be facing that you would like addi

At times, our lives are busy, and time is in short supply. Many of us live far away from or have strained relationships with spouses, family, and friends and many people feel lonelier and more isolated than ever before. We live in an age of ultra-connection, yet we have an absence of closeness. We can be together, but not close or present. What a contradiction – right? I frequently ask this question, “How do you evaluate your ability to perform your roles in relationships?” I

This Sunday was the second in the series of co-presenting Blind Spots at my home church, Bay Harbour UMC, League City, Texas. Sr. Pastor Stephen spoke on blind spots from the perspective of Mary and Martha in Luke 10:38-42. I addressed Global Thinking, what Pastor called "mental bouncing"—identifying life’s issues that key up anxiety, stress, and worry. Global Thinking is a wicked paradox, but there is a simple exercise that can help. "Martha, Martha, you are worried and trou

I have the privilege of co-presenting a series on Blind Spots at my home church, Bay Harbour UMC, League City, Texas. Sr. Pastor Stephen will be speaking on the blind spots of the leaders in the scripture. I will be addressing today's worldview perspective on blind spots that I have observed in my life and practice. It is a powerfully collaborative series that I'm thrilled to share with you. The video below is the 9 am Traditional Service. You can listen to the full message o

Bob and Amy have been married for five years. He had to go into the office early and was required to stay late, it’s been a long day. On the drive home, Bob is trying to clear his mind of work clutter, because he is ready to get home and feel the comfort of his family. Upon his arrival, Amy meets him with the statement, “you are late!” He immediately flares back, “I've been working all day, and this is the way I get greeted?” She retorts “Well, why didn't you call?” He knows

Yes, I recall the days driving my “beater car” down life's highway in San Angelo, Tx. The fenders were bent and dinged, the paint was rusted, and a couple of windows were cracked. It was a sight to behold. My “beater” bounced off guardrails, occasionally hitting the gravel just off the edge of the pavement, and I would hear it bang on the inside of the fenders. Now and again, my “beater” would skid into a ditch, and once or twice it had me headed in the opposite direction. In

Imagine a large limb falls from a tree into a flowing river, as the limb floats the river, it gets stuck on rocks or by other low-hanging limbs. It could get pushed over into the non-flowing water and there remain for an inordinate period of time. It may become waterlogged and sink, never to go any farther down the river. It could be caught up in small eddies or whirlpools and be detained. The large branch in the flowing river is interesting because it sometimes represents us

Manipulation is a tactic someone uses to “pull your strings” and gain control over you by making you feel bad about your “authentic” thoughts, feelings, and actions. They use strategies like lying, gaslighting, passive-aggressiveness, and "the silent treatment," among others, to get you to believe that you are wrong and that they are right. You may feel confused, caught off guard, uncertain about what to think or feel, and find yourself apologizing for something that is not y

Are you driving down life’s highway with a rear-view mirror as big as the windshield? Sounds silly but we do not realize what a blind spot this is and how it puts us on a collision course in life. The rear-view mirror in your car was created small compared to the windshield because we drive looking ahead, not behind. We can spend so much time looking at what is behind us and find ourselves stuck, or worse, crash because we are not focused on where we are heading. Sometimes we

We have all experienced them, the friend that fly’s off the handle at a waiter, the roommate that leaves notes instead of talking, the coworkers that refuse to stand up for themselves no matter the personal cost. All of these scenarios represent an inability to properly communicate emotions in a productive way. Emotions make us human, but they can get the best of us, especially when communicating. Intense emotions can lead to unhealthy interactions with others if unmanaged. D