Search Blog

I say that if I am going to do anything—like spend money without discussing it first, have a private conversation with someone, go to a place that I should not go, give out information that I should not give out, look for stuff on the internet that I should not look at, I might as well plan on killing my relationships. If you are going to “secret anything” you are treading on thin ice. [Blind Spot] Secrets kill relationships. A secret is defined as something done, made, or conducted without the knowledge of other people. "Do nothing secretly; for time sees and hears all things, and discloses all." ~Sophocles You may be able to bide time before it catches up with you but rest assured it will kill trust and create a barrier to any healthy connection. While differing in reasoning and threat, the underlying problem with secrets is they disqualify authenticity, put a stop to discussion or resolution and you keep having to create new ones to cover the original ones. If you have been “secreting” anything in any relationship, come clean with honesty, transparency, and asking for forgiveness, these are essential for sustaining your relationships. Even if they cannot forgive at the moment—you can work to rebuild and you will at the very least set yourself free on a personal path toward redemption which will hopefully encourage you to be more truthful in the future—both in your relationships and with yourself. Keep looking for the blind spots and building a better you. Feel free to share your thoughts, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Sign up to publish your comments. Login with your email, this gives permission and authentication to publish your content on the site. Click "Sign Up" and login with your email and confirm, once you are signed in you will not have to do it again when you return. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #BetterEveryDay #MentalToughness #servantleadership #stressmanagement #counselingworks #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #relationshipsuccess #mindset #blindspots #SecretsAndLies #counselingworks #emotionalmaturity #relationshipsuccess #secretskillrelationships #secrets #changeyourmindset #selfawarenessispower #truth

What do you see? There are two distinct ladies depicted here. The picture does not change. The illusion is of an old woman and the young woman. This is an amazing example of not 'right or wrong' but having a different perspective. Often, we desire to hang on to the truth we know, seeking to prove the other wrong, as opposed to graciously considering their differing perspective or point of view. [Blind Spot] Looking at conflicts from multiple points of view and perspectives can be enlightening. At times, our mind gets in the way when we are looking at or accepting new possibilities. I can respect your point of view and keep mine also. We are all unique individuals with distinctive backgrounds and life experiences. Our perspectives need to be respected and valued not condemned or cheapened. Learn to see things from a different perspective. Never limit yourself to just one point of view. Keep looking for the blind spots and building a better you. Feel free to share your thoughts, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Sign up to publish your comments. Login with your email, this gives permission and authentication to publish your content on the site. Click "Sign Up" and login with your email and confirm, once you are signed in you will not have to do it again when you return. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #BetterEveryDay #MentalToughness #blindspots #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #relationshipsuccess #mindset #personaldevelopment #changeyourmindset #perspectivechangeseverything #perceptioniskey #TruthMatters #differentperspective

I was remembering a story from a few years back; I was picking up a friend from his dialysis treatments. When I got there I usually sat in the waiting room with the other dialysis patients. I began to meet many of them because they came at the same time on Wednesdays. I started to hear their stories. “I can’t empty my dishwasher anymore.” “I can’t reach the cabinets to put my dishes away.” “I can’t vacuum anymore or I sweep.” “I hate it when the wind blows, my trash cans go down the street.” This was the beginning of a major paradigm shift for me. As I sat there and listened, I began to look at my hands and feet. I did not like to have to put the dishes away. I did not like to have to empty the dishwasher, vacuum, sweep, or chase the trash cans. This experience caused me to think about how equipped I am; what a privilege it is to have health, strength, and ability. At that moment I shifted from 'I have to' to 'I get to.' I 'have to' is a drudgery. I 'get to' is a privilege. I 'get to' empty the dishwasher, sweep and chase the trash cans. It is my choice to be involved and engaged in life. If I think of it as a gift that I 'get to do something,' life becomes easier. Keep looking for the blind spots and building a better you. Feel free to share your thoughts, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Sign up to publish your comments. Login with your email, this gives permission and authentication to publish your content on the site. Click "Sign Up" and login with your email and confirm, once you are signed in you will not have to do it again when you return. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #BetterEveryDay #MentalToughness #blindspots #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #relationshipsuccess #mindset #personaldevelopment #changeyourmindset #igettodothis #paradigmshift #joyinthelittlethings #perspectivechangeseverything

Proud as a peacock, I have heard it all my life. Struttin' your stuff because you are all that, supersize fries and coke. Often in my practice, I hear people who are operating out of pride and do not even know it. I will usually ask them, “Do you think that could just be your pride that is making that a problem?” And then lead them to look at the difference between pride and humility. Usually, the result is reflecting, sitting back, and taking it in…then it is stated, "Well, pride is all about me and humility is humbling myself before God and others.” Pride is so concerned with looking out at others' wrongs that it distracts from addressing your own. Humility is looking out at others and looking for the best. Pride is self-righteous, critical, and fault-finding. Humility seeks to be compassionate and forgiving. Pride looks down and outward. Humility looks up and inward. Pride thinks it knows who is really humble and who is really proud. Humility realizes that God is the only one who knows their true motives. Pride makes you feel like the whole world is against you and if “everyone” else would just grow up things would be better. Pride hopes that when they really see it from your “right” way things can move forward. I call this kind of right, “dead right.” You think you are dead right but in reality, you are dead wrong. That is exactly how pride is, after all, you are just letting people know what is the right way. RIGHT?! And please do not be mistaken, pride and humility do not depend on your bank balance or status. You can be prideful with not a penny in the bank and you can be humble but the richest person alive. And humility does not mean you should be putting yourself down. The very nature of humility is to celebrate others and always look for ways to learn and grow, not sink in self-pity. [Blind Spot] We need to learn how to swallow our pride regularly, it will not choke us! The big playbook says it best in Proverbs 18:12, “Before his downfall a man's heart is proud, but humility comes before honor.” Pride or humility is a CHOICE that we make. Let's choose wisely. Keep looking for the blind spots and building a better you. Feel free to share your thoughts, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Sign up to publish your comments. Login with your email, this gives permission and authentication to publish your content on the site. Click "Sign Up" and login with your email and confirm, once you are signed in you will not have to do it again when you return. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #BetterEveryDay #MentalToughness #blindspots #growthmindset #emotionalmaturity #relationshipsuccess #mindset #personaldevelopment #changeyourmindset #PrideAndHumility #paradigmshift #heartissues

Have you found yourself in a misguided argument that got out of hand? Couples come into the office and they have been fighting all weekend about whose turn it was to turn out the light. “Well Jerry, it was her turn to shut off the light, I turned it out last night.” “Oh my gosh!" throwing her hands up. "No, no it wasn’t, I turned it out,” she will say exasperated. It can happen so easily and the thing that I see—it’s not really about the light?! [Blind Spot] I call it a 'bubbling cauldron of anxiety' and it gets so high that just the 'tiniest bit of conflict' makes that thing boil over and splash out. That is when you 'better get yer dukes up' because the bell rings and fighting starts over dishes, picking up, driving, or yes, whose turn it is to shut out the light. As we begin to sort through, we draw out the real problem. The “unfinished business” they are carrying or harboring against one another—about the story they are telling themselves that they are ‘not’ telling each other. I walk them through how anxiety and intellect compete for the same available brain resources. That the more anxious we are the less intellectual and the more intellectual we are the less anxious. When one goes up, the other goes down. We make all of our decisions out of our emotions, so when our intellect lines up with our emotions we are in peak performance to make the best, healthiest, most productive choices. The key is taking cues and knowing when anxiety has overridden the intellect and having the courage to change even when the other is not willing. We have to step out of indifference and pretense, stop hiding or holding back, and actually have the difficult conversations that are going to advance a healthier more emotionally mature relationship. Keep looking for the blind spots and building a better you. Feel free to share your thoughts, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Sign up to publish your comments. Login with your email, this gives permission and authentication to publish your content on the site. Click "Sign Up" and login with your email and confirm, once you are signed in you will not have to do it again when you return. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #inspirationalwords #emotionalintelligence #mondaymotivation #BetterEveryDay #counselingworks #emotionalmaturity #relationshipsuccess #mindset #blindspots #changeyourmindset #selfawarenessispower #truthoftheday

I find that I get in my own head sometimes, and that can be a lonely place to be but it can also be a reckless place to be. Especially if I am consumed by negativity, it can be very hard to make good decisions. Without feedback, my thoughts, emotions, beliefs, and what I think I know, can get me into trouble quickly if I don’t stop them from taking over. Researchers have found that the average person has 50,000+ thoughts daily. And of the “daily” thoughts, a staggering 80% is contributed to “negative” thoughts and 95% of those thoughts repeat themselves day after day. I may not be able to control all the thoughts that pass through my noggin’, but I can control the ones I “focus” on. We have to remind ourselves that we “learn” from the past and not “live” in it. There’s nothing wrong with thinking, the issue emerges when you look “from” your thoughts. [Blind Spot] Believing that you are always right is living in denial. Being judgmental about yourself has the same deceiving effect. Your thinking creates your reality. Your thoughts steer your actions. If you do not like what you are thinking, have another thought. In the big playbook, Paul says, “…you’ll do best by filling your minds on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, and gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put it into practice.” ~Philippians 4:8-9 Message Translation The wisdom of the heart grows as the fear of the mind diminishes. Keep looking for the blind spots and building a better you. Feel free to share your thoughts, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Sign up to publish your comments. Login with your email, this gives permission and authentication to publish your content on the site. Click "Sign Up" and login with your email and confirm, once you are signed in you will not have to do it again when you return. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #inspirationalwords #emotionalintelligence #mondaymotivation #BetterEveryDay #counselingworks #emotionalmaturity #relationshipsuccess #mindset #blindspots #changeyourmindset #selfawarenessispower #truthoftheday

Kids should be allowed to ‘go between’ parents but never allowed to ‘come between’ them. It seems almost innate for a child to ask one parent for something and if they do not get what they want, go to the other parent. Parents cannot be split in the decision-making process. When parents are not in harmony, requests by the children can cause parental conflict, allowing the child to get their way while the parent's debate, argue, fight or walk away and say nothing. In certain situations, I see children have the same authority as their parents, the authority to tell the parents what needs to happen or not happen. There is a delicate balance between setting limits and teaching how to negotiate. Being too lenient can create entitlement. Being too rigid can create rebelliousness. Be clear of the decision you have made, and do not become defensive or apologetic. Knowing how parents will make decisions, is important for the children. If parents don’t act as the authority, the children will. In healthy families, parents are the pinnacle of the household. Keep looking for the blind spots and building a better you. Feel free to share your thoughts, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Sign up to publish your comments. Login with your email, this gives permission and authentication to publish your content on the site. Click "Sign Up" and login with your email and confirm, once you are signed in you will not have to do it again when you return. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #personaldevelopment #parentingtips #inspirationalwords #parentsareeverything #emotionalintelligence #love #fridaymotivation #mindset #blindspots #consistencyiskey #bettereveryday #leadershipcoaching #emotionalhealth #counselingworks

How do you build a family that meets life head on with strategic and intentional purpose? Families are complex social systems consisting of individuals with unique interpersonal struggles. As parents, there must be a clear line of communication and no competition between them. There must be understanding, support, common goals, and the ability to recognize their own strengths and weaknesses, melding them into a common future that unites and does not divide. Here are principles to help navigate building that family that meets life head-on: Demonstrate how you want your children to be. Act in a manner you want your children to emulate. Know when to bare down and when to relinquish. Show just enough emotion to get your point across. Be available and equipped. If you do not know an answer, show them how to find it. Let’s not miss the million little opportunities to add value to each other and become strategic and intentional in our purpose toward building a better family. Keep looking for the blind spots and building a better you. Feel free to share your thoughts, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Sign up to publish your comments. Login with your email, this gives permission and authentication to publish your content on the site. Click "Sign Up" and login with your email and confirm, once you are signed in you will not have to do it again when you return. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #personaldevelopment #parentingtips #inspirationalwords #parentsareeverything #emotionalintelligence #love #mindset #blindspots #consistencyiskey #bettereveryday #leadershipcoaching #emotionalhealth #counselingworks

Recently I got to speak on Backyard Chat Podcast | @cbgumc with Melissa Harrison, Children’s Ministry Director, and Karen Tyler, Associate Pastor “The Experience.” They are equipping parents to take in God’s Word and live it out in their everyday life. It was a pleasure to be on the podcast and share about “Blind Spots in Relationships What I don’t know I don’t know about myself.” Part 1 Episode https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-2vk54-1223ca0 Part 2 Episode https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-7hq2a-123bc36 I wanted to share with you, listen when you have a minute. Keep looking for the blind spots and building a better you. Feel free to share your thoughts, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Sign up to publish your comments. Login with your email, this gives permission and authentication to publish your content on the site. Click "Sign Up" and login with your email and confirm, once you are signed in you will not have to do it again when you return. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #parentingtips #parentinglife #personaldevelopment #parentingtips #inspirationalwords #parentsareeverything #emotionalintelligence #love #mindset #blindspots #consistencyiskey #bettereveryday #leadershipcoaching #emotionalhealth #counselingworks

In today’s world, letting go for some parents is extremely difficult. I firmly believe parents do the best they know how to do with the idea of launching their young adults to be safe and productive citizens. In my practice, I love to paint a scenario of their son or daughter graduating high school. It’s a celebratory outdoor party with great food, laughter, and festivity. All the friends, family, and the graduate’s friends are present. The graduate stands up at one point, taps on their glass invites everyone to sit down, and says, “Let me tell you about my dad or about my mom.” At that point, I ask the question, “What would you like to hear them say?” This question usually seems a surprise like they have not thought of this. [BLIND SPOT] In general, the answer includes: “I want them to say they were loved. They were given the best support ever. They were encouraged. They feel equipped. They feel like we gave them our best.” I follow up with this question, “Who writes the script the children used to talk about their parents?” The answer to that question is the parents write the script. If their experience is I am harsh, mean, and controlling, they will be distant and have little connection and minimal communication. If their experience is I am loving, kind, teach, mold, and coach them from an emotionally mature stance, they will have more connection and stronger communication. The fact is there is no guarantee they will say what we want to hear, but we are still in the most influential position, and what we do matters in our kids’ lives. “Teach a child how to follow the right way; even when he is old, he will stay on course.” —Proverbs 22:6 Voice Translation It’s up to us what kind of experience we give them. Keep looking for the blind spots and building a better you. Feel free to share your thoughts, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Sign up to publish your comments. Login with your email, this gives permission and authentication to publish your content on the site. Click "Sign Up" and login with your email and confirm, once you are signed in you will not have to do it again when you return. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #BetterEveryDay #counselingworks #parentingtips #parentinglife #relationshipsuccess #mindset #blindspots #changeyourmindset #selfawarenessispower #truthoftheday #emotionalintelligence #consistencyiskey #love

I observe often that we do not talk in-depth enough, we talk on the surface and too much information goes unspoken. We hit the highlights thinking that is enough to build the personal relationships we desire. [Blind Spot] I call this “Iceberg Communication.” If you remember your science, only about 10% of an iceberg is above the waterline. 90% of the iceberg is under the waterline. Imagining our communication is the iceberg, the ‘words’ we are using and our ‘actions’ are visible. The 10%. However, the thoughts, ideologies, values, and belief systems we are using to base what we are saying on are not visible. They remain unstated in the depths, hidden. The 90%. We make a big mistake if we just listen to the words, and actions interpreting them verbatim. The same is true if we make assumptions or form an opinion about what was intended and why. Above the surface, you have conflict, arguments, or "the silent treatment" behavior. Below the surface are the factors that influence or feed these behaviors, feelings, past hurt, unspoken needs, or family issues. [Blind Spot] The resolution often requires full scuba gear and a deep dive expedition that focuses on what has not been communicated and allows deeper discovery of what is below. We begin to see how to make sense of the conflict, how to stop triggering each other, and how to understand and express emotion with maturity. We can be gently curious in our questioning, i.e. “I can see your anger, and I know you have good reason to be angry. Tell me more.” We find we do not have to be afraid of the vulnerability, even though it may be painful. We become safe listeners with the goal of understanding rather than just trying to be right. Our relationships work both ways, we need to share decision-making power and responsibility. This will encourage growth and success so we do not have "Titanic” results. Keep looking for the blind spots and building a better you. Feel free to share your thoughts, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Sign up to publish your comments. Login with your email, this gives permission and authentication to publish your content on the site. Click "Sign Up" and login with your email and confirm, once you are signed in you will not have to do it again when you return. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #BetterEveryDay #counselingworks #parentingtips #parentinglife #relationshipsuccess #mindset #blindspots #changeyourmindset #selfawarenessispower #truthoftheday #emotionalintelligence #consistencyiskey #love

Think of the last time you were disrupted by something outside of your control. It might have been bumper-to-bumper traffic, being late for an appointment, someone cutting in line, or being convinced that the slow driver in front of you is doing it on purpose. How did you respond? We are going to have challenges or adversity to deal with, usually when we least expect it or least want it. “You will learn more being fascinated by life than you will being frustrated by it.” —Jim Rohn That quote is like an “aha” moment. Learn how to turn 'frustration' into 'fascination.' It’s like saying, “Look, there are opportunities within these problems. I can learn something here, gain some insight.” Frustration is an emotion we all struggle with, it is inevitable—our response to it is not. I encourage you when you find yourself in a situation that is rattling and aggravating try replacing the word fascinate for frustrate. “It really “fascinates” me that Cindy always leaves a mess in the kitchen. Perhaps she was raised by a wicked stepmother that made her clean all the time!” “It is “fascinating” to me that Henry stands at the refrigerator with the door open. Maybe the longer he stands there something will magically appear.” Apply this principle yourself, work a fascinating story into your situation, it will help you disengage the onslaught of frustration that is presenting itself—give yourself and others grace. The greater your capacity to be fascinated, the more opportunity you avoid frustration. Keep looking for the blind spots and building a better you. Feel free to share your thoughts, like, and share these posts. PLEASE NOTE: Sign up to publish your comments. Login with your email, this gives permission and authentication to publish your content on the site. Click "Sign Up" and login with your email and confirm, once you are signed in you will not have to do it again when you return. It only takes a sec and I want to thank you for your feedback. If you haven't already gotten your copy of my new book, it's available below. Blind Spots in Relationships What I don't know I don't know about myself #BetterEveryDay #counselingworks #parentingtips #parentinglife #relationshipsuccess #mindset #blindspots #changeyourmindset #selfawarenessispower #truthoftheday #emotionalintelligence #consistencyiskey #jimrohn #mindsetmastery #ahamoment