BUILD A BETTER YOU
JERRY D CLARK BLOG

Pride has many meanings. It can be a sense of warm feelings about family, school, sports teams, and many other examples. It can also mean self-righteousness, arrogance, better than, in control, and other negative characteristics. The latter definition is what I am talking about here. Yesterday I was talking to a great friend who mentioned that at some point in his life he ran out of pride. What an interesting thought? We were talking about our early childhood experiences, and

I am reminded of an interview of a famous race car driver. When asked what the most important thing a race car driver could do, he answered, “Don’t look at the wall.” When he was asked to clarify his response, He said, “I go where I am looking.” Enough said. This causes me to reflect on how exposing our blind spots sets us up for emotionally healthy relationships. I need to look for what I want and what I am missing not what is agonizing or troublesome. “Reading Blind Spots

Dave and George were brothers and had adjoining properties for many years. These properties were adorned with beautiful trees, lush grass, and a small, flowing creek that separated them. Their relationship had grown distant over the years. One would try things to mend the relationship and the other would bring up past grievances. Then the roles would reverse, and the same results came about. The brothers’ inability to unite continued to cause frustration. Their families cheri

What a wonderful nation we get to live in. Sure, there are many grievances and issues that cause us separation. However, we are linked together by a tapestry of history that is woven together by our veterans who have proudly worn the uniform of this powerful country. Our church has a veteran’s ministry, and we meet to talk about the difficulties that face too many of the proud men and women who have served. This group of veterans comes together weekly to talk about their diff

In my parenting mode, I have said, “I have told you ten times to stop that or to get this done.” Does this sound familiar? Perhaps you have said the same thing. It is customary for me to use this kind of declaration when I feel that my request has been ignored. Subsequently, I follow up with, “why don’t you do what I asked?” It becomes easy to doubt my own credibility in this situation. I question whether my first nine requests come off as mere suggestions. When I am allowing

I recently heard a story of the man who approached the pearly gates and met St. Peter. Peter was so happy to see him and welcomed him in. As the man was looking at the amazing wonders of heaven, he noticed in the distance a massive warehouse. It looked somewhat out of place. He asked Peter what it was for, and Peter ignored his question. They continued to talk, and the man was full of questions that Peter answered freely. Every time the man asked about the massive storage bui

I want a nice job, house, car, family, friends, vacation, boat, etc. All of these are wonderful. Who doesn’t want these things? It is easy to look to the future with these desires. However, it is more difficult than it looks. Situations and others get in the way. If only life would allow me to do it my way and cooperate, I could have all these amazing things. I could wake up every morning with a smile and no emotional, physical, or financial pain. I could face the day with co

There are times I go out of control to gain control; this is when I am not being spiritual or intellectual at all. Many times, over the years, I have said and done things that produce harm to others. At that moment, I feel perfectly justified because they are not doing what I want, when I want it, as quickly as I want. In general, when I blow up and then cool down, I feel better, but those who have been the target of my bitter diatribe are reeling, not feeling good about them

Several years ago, we were invited to have Thanksgiving dinner with our neighbors. During the meal, the host ask us to talk about what we were thankful for. It was a great experience to declare our thankfulness and listen to others. I understand this is customary in many families. We live in a world of negativity and sometimes don’t recognize it. One of the best lessons I learned, was when I was picking up my friend from dialysis. I sat in the waiting room and listened to dia

Some time back, I was going to work. My route included a five-point intersection with a gas station sitting on one corner. I traveled this route for many years. As I made my turn and was about to pass the gas station, this old man (get this, me calling someone an old man) was exiting. Obviously, he was just pulling out without regard to my right of way and proximity. He had his blinker on and without stopping, proceeded into my lane. I thought he saw me after all he was enter

What a wonderful time of the year. The holidays are coming and tis’ the season to be jolly. Thanksgiving celebration is upcoming then followed quickly by Christmas. This is the time for getting together, sharing, building new memories, and celebrating the old. Time is quickly passing and it's important that we be thankful every day for who we are and how we've gotten here. As we gather joyously, laughing, and reconnecting during the season, there will be occasions when what I

I was talking to a gentleman whose son, Al, lives in his father's house alone. He lives about 15 miles away and comes over two times a week to buy groceries, clean, and cook for Al. Al did not finish high school, and at the age of 23, is legally allowed to drive but has chosen not to get a license. His only social connection is entertaining himself by playing video games with friends online and on social media. “I just don’t have time to do any chores like cleaning, trash, wa

I was reminded of a mother who complained of her son’s behavior, “I don’t know why little Horace is so violent—I’ve smacked him for it a thousand times.” We have a lot of blind spots that come from our childhood. After all, that’s where we learned about life from our family and we hang out in what is familiar. Feelings of being ashamed, less than, or unimportant, are all derived from our formative years, and we carry those things into our adulthood. We then protect them witho

I often hear statements that have to do with trying to accomplish something—trying to find a new job, trying to lose weight, or trying to be a better friend. For some reason, whenever I hear the word "try," I immediately think of "an attempt," "to make an effort," and "search.” All of these may result in positive outcomes but are more hopeful and less intentional than truly making a difference. I have “tried” many things in my life. In some, I succeeded and in others, I did n

I talk about blind spots in relationships because I feel so many relationships can be salvaged. It is so easy to look at the other person and see their mistakes but is very difficult to truly own our culpability. Have you ever thought of the price we pay for relationships that don't work or work minimally? With broken family relationships, when parents divorce, the collateral damage ripples throughout the family and friends. One of the things that I see that is most disturbin

Have you ever stumped your toe on a piece of furniture? The statement about seeing stars can come true. The feelings of frustration for not paying attention are extensive. Perhaps blaming someone who moved it without you knowing it is also easy. The pain of a busted toe is indescribable and, when this happens, I don’t want to look. If it hurt this bad, it means that it may have been actually knocked off. If not, it will be so mangled, I may need to have a tourniquet to stop t

Jody and Dawn gossiped a lot about their friends in their group. When recalling their pals' "inadequacies" and "oddities," the two of them laughed heartily. The gang had known each other for years, and for whatever reason, the gossip had persisted. They didn't stop to even consider why they gossiped or the repercussions of gossip. Recently, Jody realized that her pals may also be gossiping and spreading rumors about her. It is easy to project onto others the things we are doi

Missing skills and hidden beliefs are difficult to see yet are often painfully obvious to others. [Blind Spot] Perhaps that lack of skill, that deeply rooted belief, or even that overused strength should be a catalyst to identify cues pertaining to how we show up to others. I remember receiving a request from a man who felt something was off-kilter about his team, but he did not know how to pinpoint it. He was a senior manager, and everyone on his team seemed disjointed, unmo

I want to write about something a little different, another kind of blind spot for you to uncover. It is the blind spot of “natural gifting.” One of the joys of what I do is to assist people to recognize their natural gifts. When I point out these natural gifts I see in them, they don’t think there is anything special about these qualities. They are such a natural part of their personality and character, they just see them as “who they are.” “He or she is a natural…” it’s bui

I know the importance of reminders and today is a reminder of a blind spot that I see rear its ugly head day after day in my office. SHAME [SHām] NOUN 1. a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior: As I have mentioned, I grew up in West Texas in a family of six children. I was the fifth in line. I was small in stature, and we were not the wealthiest family around. Within the family, there was a lot of teasing, s