BUILD A BETTER YOU
JERRY D CLARK BLOG

I am reminded of a story that was sent to Dear Abby. Dear Abby, a young man from a wealthy family was about to graduate from high school. It was the custom in that “affluent neighborhood” for the parents to give the graduate an automobile. "Bill" and his father had spent months looking at cars, and the week before graduation, they found the perfect car. On the eve of his graduation, his father handed him his gift. He reluctantly opened the present, which contained a Bi

Occasionally situations arise and we look back and see that they didn't turn out the way we would have liked. It is easy to feel frustrated or ill-prepared when these circumstances arise. The other day I was in the mall needing to get a new screen saver on my phone. I was shopping on “no tax on back-to-school items”, so the mall was packed. I was under the weather and feeling bad physically. I had tested for fever and covid—both were negative. Did I mention I had already deal

I was privileged to work in a hospital setting getting the experience of all kinds of psychological matters. I facilitated multifamily groups of adolescents, children, and their parents. These children and adolescents were there for issues of behavior, drugs, alcohol, depression, anxiety, or other circumstances that cause life and families to be out of balance. Many wonderful things happen in multifamily groups that do not happen in regular family groups. In multifamily group

Go big or go home. We have all heard it, tried it, or failed at it. Truth be told too many times when you "go big or go home" you often end up at home. I see it in my office often, people convince themselves that massive success requires massive action. Instead of taking it one step at a time, they force themselves into unrealistic improvements believing it will get them there faster. This is the tortoise and hare story. People who have achieved greatness have learned a cruci

My friend Paula made this comment on the “Blame” post: “This is a great one! Would you please do a blind spot post on defensiveness? While reading this (post on Blame), I imagined addressing the blame issue with someone, but they might get very defensive, and bringing a blind spot to someone's attention might go awry. And maybe my own, trauma-driven, response to having to always defend myself, ha-ha. If someone brought to my attention a blind spot, I might have a knee-jerk re

Relationships become predictable when we do the same thing repeatedly, even if it doesn't work. You say this…I respond with that… I do this…you do that… These predictable conversations or actions create an “orbit.” An orbit is a perpetual elliptical path that one object in space takes around another. It is the same in relationships, we create an orbit that moves in the same trajectory path and becomes predictable in nature. When engaging in these familiar activities, we never

Individuation is a process by which a person becomes an “individual.” It is a separation of intellect, emotion, and independence of self from others. It means being able to be guided and in charge of your own thoughts or emotions and not others’ expectations or emotions. The greater the level of individuation, the more you can act from your own core under any circumstance. Being fused is the opposite of individuation. If you are “fused,” whatever is going on around you is imp

I had the pleasure of speaking on “The Morale Booster Network—Dr. John Ughulu” It is a platform for entrepreneurs, career professionals, leaders, and the general public to give back to the society through coaching and mentoring. Dr. Ughulu is an Atlanta-based Best-selling Author, Public Speaker, Strategist, and Professor of Entrepreneurship helping individuals on a daily basis take charge of their lives, businesses, and career. It was a pleasure to get to share this message o

With no teaching or training in emotions growing up, in school, or in the Marine Corps, I pushed through life emotionally unaware. Not knowing how to effectively express emotions and share feelings, caused me to be completely blind to how they were impacting my choices, actions, and behaviors. I was ill-equipped to handle being a husband and father, and after 13 years, my first marriage failed. I attempted counseling but it was not for me, and it didn’t work. I did not recogn

So there you are, and all of the sudden you hear ‘that song’ that reminds you of ‘that person.’ And you are emotionally hijacked—just like that. Good or bad, the song interacts with the emotions you have connected with it and it bugs you all day long. “How could they leave?”, “What did I do?”, “Could things have been different?” Or perhaps you walk into work and, without you realizing it, you are put off by a coworker's expression because it makes you think of your father whe

Did your mom or dad ever scold you as a kid and tell you they don’t know why you are so hot-headed —as they are screaming at you for being hot-headed? [Blind Spot] Maybe you have told your friend that they always seem to be distracted on their phone when you are trying to talk to them — while you are in the same habit of scrolling through your phone as they talk. [Blind Spot] When you hear something over and over again from different people and in different contexts, it is th

Blind spots are the Mack truck that drives through your life, revealing your weak spots, and limitations and humbling your reactions. I was in a conversation with a very dear friend on the way back from a trip. We discussed many situations and things we had experienced in a seminar attended that weekend. In the midst of the conversation, he said, “You know, you have very limiting beliefs.” WHHAAAAT?! I was immediately defensive and began to read him the riot act on how he was

"If you’re interested in “building a better you”, the dynamics in Jerry Clark’s book will definitely be a good beginning on your journey to self-awareness and building more positive relationships in your life. The author invites us to take a good look at our reflections in the mirror, in fact, he even encourages the reader to take a step into “the looking glass”, to explore the myriad of opportunities we all have in our lives. Well written, entertaining, and insightful…"Blind

Welcome to Monday. Got up, got breakfast, and headed out the door. Got in the car, started the engine, pulled out of the drive, and got on the road for a great day at the office. I checked my rear-view mirror and both side mirrors. Everything looked clear. I started to get into the next lane…YIKES, I am met with a blaring horn from the car I was cutting off. I swerved back as the other car roared past, the driver giving me the “glare.” You know the one like I deliberately set

Knowing the contents of the Bible—God’s Word—propels me into living a wonderful life. It is the best playbook I have ever studied and drawn on. Based on where I am in my life, the meaning, or the contents of the Bible speaks to me differently. Example : Paul was able to find joy in prison. He did not get bitter, but rather he wrote about his joy! Hearing this in my early life was inconceivable to me. How is that even possible? He said, “I’ve learned by now to be quite conten

This is my “West Texas” term, referring to isolation, dismissal, or rejection. “Cut from the herd” is when one member of the family is excluded from the rest. In nature, animals establish herds for protection against their predators and are safe because the herd protects each other. It is necessary to 'cut' someone because of their poor choices, such as drugs, alcohol, verbal, or physical abuse to name a few. Cutting someone for these reasons protects those within the herd, a

I have found that acting more emotional than intellectual during the height of anxiety causes regretful actions and decisions. The more anxious I am the less intellectual. The more intellectual I am the less anxious. I view anxiety and intellect as inversely proportionate. When one goes up, the other goes down. The key to this concept is knowing when anxiety has overridden intellect. When you find yourself in this situation, remember, that you are in peak performance to make

‘Why’ in relationships is caustic. We can be quick to ask the ‘why’ questions. "Why did you not call?" "Why are you late?" "Why are you looking at me that way?" Did it make you feel a little defensive reading those? It's because the ‘why’ question is charged with frustration, emotion, hidden agendas, and sometimes anger. It is cultural to look at the other person rather than to look inside. [Blind Spot] ‘Why’ provokes and puts people on the defensive. ‘Why’ is asking for just

In my practice, I notice families are fractured by their many differing points of view. Some are more focused on themselves than the family. Unity and cohesion are missing. They start to blame, condemn and become critical of their perception of family members and situations. [Blind Spot] When this arises, I like the idea of utilizing the “spirit of the family.” The “spirit of the family” might be words like respect, peace, harmony, joy, love, care, or any word that the family

You remember the Tin Man in the Wizard of Oz? If he was out in the elements or neglected and not protected he would rust. The longer that rust exists without attention, the more damage it causes. If left unmaintained, it will ruin. I call ‘resentments’ rust in relationships. This is a term I have coined to compare relationships that are in trouble. Rust is silent and destructive. Resentments are the same. Poor communication in our culture seems to me to be the largest contrib