BUILD A BETTER YOU
JERRY D CLARK BLOG

You have a strong sense of self-worth; you know what you want and how to get it. You are assertive enough to get people's attention, but not so aggressive that you scare them away. Your life is going exactly as you planned, and you are truly happy—AND THEN—something completely unexpected comes at you like a ton of bricks and sends stars whirling around your head. Someone draws your attention to a behavior that is obvious to everyone but you. You are shocked, perplexed, and le

Early in a relationship...the seed. I meet someone and feel a mutual attraction. On the first date, I throw out all the hamburger sacks tossed in the back seat of my car. I wouldn’t want them to think I might be a slob. We talk about who we are and have a lot of fun getting to know each other. I find myself wanting to spend more thyme with them. It's simple to dig into a conversation and ask questions, to be accepting, positive, and interested. It's so appealing to feel a con

Growing up in the 50s with five other siblings was tough on me. I was very frail, small, and constantly picked on. We didn't have the most stylish clothing, so again I received a lot of teasing. Teasing, shame, and embarrassment were confidence thieves for me. My desire to be liked and accepted was very important. I would make every effort to come across as likable as I could in any social situation or environment. I never let any shortcomings or flaws show because that was h

I read in an article that before Febreze was a “cleaning staple” sold at groceries across America, Procter & Gamble declared it a dud and nearly pulled it from shelves. In the launch research, marketers talked to a park ranger who said her love life was ruined because everything around her smelled like skunk. She began crying as she told them how the spray had changed her life. Drake Stimson (Senior Brand Manager) sniffed the air inside her living room. He couldn't smell anyt

I am reminded of a story that was sent to Dear Abby. Dear Abby, a young man from a wealthy family was about to graduate from high school. It was the custom in that “affluent neighborhood” for the parents to give the graduate an automobile. "Bill" and his father had spent months looking at cars, and the week before graduation, they found the perfect car. On the eve of his graduation, his father handed him his gift. He reluctantly opened the present, which contained a Bi

Occasionally situations arise and we look back and see that they didn't turn out the way we would have liked. It is easy to feel frustrated or ill-prepared when these circumstances arise. The other day I was in the mall needing to get a new screen saver on my phone. I was shopping on “no tax on back-to-school items”, so the mall was packed. I was under the weather and feeling bad physically. I had tested for fever and covid—both were negative. Did I mention I had already deal

I was privileged to work in a hospital setting getting the experience of all kinds of psychological matters. I facilitated multifamily groups of adolescents, children, and their parents. These children and adolescents were there for issues of behavior, drugs, alcohol, depression, anxiety, or other circumstances that cause life and families to be out of balance. Many wonderful things happen in multifamily groups that do not happen in regular family groups. In multifamily group

I think we have all been there, our son, daughter, or someone we care about comes to us and says, “I am not smart enough!”, “I am not pretty.” “I can’t do anything right!” And before they can even get the words out, we are like, “Oh yes you are! You are the smartest young man I know!” or “You are very pretty.” “You can do it and you will!” We grab at the low-hanging fruit thinking “I got this!” and in our haste to make them feel better, we do the opposite. We invalidate their

You are in a classroom where students are working on a group project. The deadline is approaching, but they are far from finishing and the teacher is inquiring about their status. Immediately the students start to explain themselves, everyone starts to point fingers and the discussion goes round in circles as they try to avoid the blame and pin it on someone else. “Not MY fault” Ouch! [Blind Spot] Blame avoids culpability. Blame means I do not need to change because if you wo

Life, love, and the “pursuit” of…. relationships. There is nothing more thrilling, more exciting than the feeling that “the one” is attracted to you and the pursuit begins. You become completely wrapped up in one another’s lives, inseparable. Yes, life cannot be sweeter. But it is just a memory because you have been feeling for the past few months, maybe even years now stuck in a rut, the chemistry is toned down, communication is off, and something just feels adrift. Now you

Riddle me this—what takes effort to build, is easy to ruin, and is essential to any emotionally healthy relationship? TRUST. Trust is the cement of relationships. It is the foundational principle that holds it all together and is an indispensable component in effective communication. To trust someone means you can depend on them, are comfortable confiding in them, and feel secure with them. Without trust, it can be hard for relationships to grow and progress to a deeper level

I just happened to hear a conversation that was taking place and this sentence captured my attention, “I heard her smile”, they said. "I heard her smile." I wrote it down so I would not forget it, it made me smile and they did not even know. The power of their words was not only on the giving end but also on the receiving end. They had given words or a word that caused a reaction in her and they received back “without seeing” because of the closeness of the relationship. They

Manipulation is a tactic someone uses to “pull your strings” and gain control over you by making you feel bad about your “authentic” thoughts, feelings, and actions. They use strategies like lying, gaslighting, passive-aggressiveness, and "the silent treatment," among others, to get you to believe that you are wrong and that they are right. You may feel confused, caught off guard, uncertain about what to think or feel, and find yourself apologizing for something that is not y

Are you driving down life’s highway with a rear-view mirror as big as the windshield? Sounds silly but we do not realize what a blind spot this is and how it puts us on a collision course in life. The rear-view mirror in your car was created small compared to the windshield because we drive looking ahead, not behind. We can spend so much time looking at what is behind us and find ourselves stuck, or worse, crash because we are not focused on where we are heading. Sometimes we

We have all experienced them, the friend that fly’s off the handle at a waiter, the roommate that leaves notes instead of talking, the coworkers that refuse to stand up for themselves no matter the personal cost. All of these scenarios represent an inability to properly communicate emotions in a productive way. Emotions make us human, but they can get the best of us, especially when communicating. Intense emotions can lead to unhealthy interactions with others if unmanaged. D

I find that I get in my own head sometimes, and that can be a lonely place to be but it can also be a reckless place to be. Especially if I am consumed by negativity, it can be very hard to make good decisions. Without feedback, my thoughts, emotions, beliefs, and what I think I know, can get me into trouble quickly if I don’t stop them from taking over. Researchers have found that the average person has 50,000+ thoughts daily. And of the “daily” thoughts, a staggering 80% is

Have you found yourself in a misguided argument that got out of hand? Couples come into the office and they have been fighting all weekend about whose turn it was to turn out the light. “Well Jerry, it was her turn to shut off the light, I turned it out last night.” “Oh my gosh!" throwing her hands up. "No, no it wasn’t, I turned it out,” she will say exasperated. It can happen so easily and the thing that I see—it’s not really about the light?! [Blind Spot] I call it a 'bubb

Proud as a peacock, I have heard it all my life. Struttin' your stuff because you are all that, supersize fries and coke. Often in my practice, I hear people who are operating out of pride and do not even know it. I will usually ask them, “Do you think that could just be your pride that is making that a problem?” And then lead them to look at the difference between pride and humility. Usually, the result is reflecting, sitting back, and taking it in…then it is stated, "Well,

I was remembering a story from a few years back; I was picking up a friend from his dialysis treatments. When I got there I usually sat in the waiting room with the other dialysis patients. I began to meet many of them because they came at the same time on Wednesdays. I started to hear their stories. “I can’t empty my dishwasher anymore.” “I can’t reach the cabinets to put my dishes away.” “I can’t vacuum anymore or I sweep.” “I hate it when the wind blows, my trash cans go d

What do you see? There are two distinct ladies depicted here. The picture does not change. The illusion is of an old woman and the young woman. This is an amazing example of not 'right or wrong' but having a different perspective. Often, we desire to hang on to the truth we know, seeking to prove the other wrong, as opposed to graciously considering their differing perspective or point of view. [Blind Spot] Looking at conflicts from multiple points of view and perspectives ca