Jerry Clark
- Jul 17, 2022
- 2 min
Life, love and the pursuit...
Life, love, and the “pursuit” of…. relationships. There is nothing more thrilling, more exciting than the feeling that “the one” is attracted to you and the pursuit begins. You become completely wrapped up in one another’s lives, inseparable. Yes, life cannot be sweeter. But it is just a memory because you have been feeling for the past few months, maybe even years now stuck in a rut, the chemistry is toned down, communication is off, and something just feels adrift. Now you
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Jerry Clark
- Jul 14, 2022
- 2 min
Self-built glasshouses of pain
We put up walls to keep the pain out and wind up cementing the hurt in. We keep emotional pain inside and build walls around us thinking it will keep us safe, secure, and protected. We learn to expect little from others, and we settle for not expressing our emotions because talking about them makes us feel vulnerable. We may have felt betrayed, loss of trust, or have had our hearts broken. As these experiences happen, we begin brick by brick to build emotional walls of self-p
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Jerry Clark
- Jun 19, 2022
- 2 min
Once upon a time...
Once upon a time, an old Cherokee told his grandson about a great battle he would face. The grandson sat down to listen. He was eager and curious – what was the great battle he would face? “My grandson,” he began, “The battle is between 2 wolves that live inside you.” “One is Evil—anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” “The other is Good—joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kin
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Jerry Clark
- Jun 16, 2022
- 2 min
Let me tell you what I need from you...
“Let me tell you what I need from you before I tell you what I’m gonna to tell you.”
—Jerry D Clark When you begin to talk and do not declare what you need from the listener, it can create chaos and disconnection. If your desire is to vent and get things off your mind, but the listener thinks you need to be fixed or receive suggestions to take care of your situation, anxiety will arise. Telling what you need will give both directions for a healthy conversation. It allows fo
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Jerry Clark
- Jun 12, 2022
- 2 min
got blinders?
I got to thinking about horses wearing blinders. Blinders keep horses narrowly focused on the task or road ahead. It reduces their field of vision so they do not get easily distracted or spooked. Blinders can prove enormously useful…or become problematic, which is precisely why they were made for horses and not humans. But you've heard of someone described as "having blinders on?” When we wear blinders we cannot see what’s going on around us or behind us, it limits the view t
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Jerry Clark
- Jun 9, 2022
- 2 min
Turning frustration to fascination
Think of the last time you were disrupted by something outside of your control. It might have been bumper-to-bumper traffic, being late for an appointment, someone cutting in line, or being convinced that the slow driver in front of you is doing it on purpose. How did you respond? We are going to have challenges or adversity to deal with, usually when we least expect it or least want it. “You will learn more being fascinated by life than you will being frustrated by it.”
—Ji
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Jerry Clark
- Jun 7, 2022
- 2 min
The tip of the iceberg...
I observe often that we do not talk in-depth enough, we talk on the surface and too much information goes unspoken. We hit the highlights thinking that is enough to build the personal relationships we desire. [Blind Spot] I call this “Iceberg Communication.” If you remember your science, only about 10% of an iceberg is above the waterline. 90% of the iceberg is under the waterline. Imagining our communication is the iceberg, the ‘words’ we are using and our ‘actions’ are visi
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Jerry Clark
- Jun 5, 2022
- 2 min
Who writes the script?
In today’s world, letting go for some parents is extremely difficult. I firmly believe parents do the best they know how to do with the idea of launching their young adults to be safe and productive citizens. In my practice, I love to paint a scenario of their son or daughter graduating high school. It’s a celebratory outdoor party with great food, laughter, and festivity. All the friends, family, and the graduate’s friends are present. The graduate stands up at one point, ta
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Jerry Clark
- May 24, 2022
- 2 min
Good thoughts vs bad thoughts
I find that I get in my own head sometimes, and that can be a lonely place to be but it can also be a reckless place to be. Especially if I am consumed by negativity, it can be very hard to make good decisions. Without feedback, my thoughts, emotions, beliefs, and what I think I know, can get me into trouble quickly if I don’t stop them from taking over. Researchers have found that the average person has 50,000+ thoughts daily. And of the “daily” thoughts, a staggering 80% is
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Jerry Clark
- May 22, 2022
- 2 min
A bubbling cauldron of anxiety...
Have you found yourself in a misguided argument that got out of hand? Couples come into the office and they have been fighting all weekend about whose turn it was to turn out the light. “Well Jerry, it was her turn to shut off the light, I turned it out last night.” “Oh my gosh!" throwing her hands up. "No, no it wasn’t, I turned it out,” she will say exasperated. It can happen so easily and the thing that I see—it’s not really about the light?! [Blind Spot] I call it a 'bubb
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Jerry Clark
- May 16, 2022
- 2 min
Proud as a peacock
Proud as a peacock, I have heard it all my life. Struttin' your stuff because you are all that, supersize fries and coke. Often in my practice, I hear people who are operating out of pride and do not even know it. I will usually ask them, “Do you think that could just be your pride that is making that a problem?” And then lead them to look at the difference between pride and humility. Usually, the result is reflecting, sitting back, and taking it in…then it is stated, "Well,
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Jerry Clark
- May 12, 2022
- 2 min
Have to vs Get to
I was remembering a story from a few years back; I was picking up a friend from his dialysis treatments. When I got there I usually sat in the waiting room with the other dialysis patients. I began to meet many of them because they came at the same time on Wednesdays. I started to hear their stories. “I can’t empty my dishwasher anymore.” “I can’t reach the cabinets to put my dishes away.” “I can’t vacuum anymore or I sweep.” “I hate it when the wind blows, my trash cans go d
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Jerry Clark
- May 10, 2022
- 1 min
Differing perspectives
What do you see? There are two distinct ladies depicted here. The picture does not change. The illusion is of an old woman and the young woman. This is an amazing example of not 'right or wrong' but having a different perspective. Often, we desire to hang on to the truth we know, seeking to prove the other wrong, as opposed to graciously considering their differing perspective or point of view. [Blind Spot] Looking at conflicts from multiple points of view and perspectives ca
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Jerry Clark
- May 8, 2022
- 2 min
Secrets kill relationships
I say that if I am going to do anything—like spend money without discussing it first, have a private conversation with someone, go to a place that I should not go, give out information that I should not give out, look for stuff on the internet that I should not look at, I might as well plan on killing my relationships. If you are going to “secret anything” you are treading on thin ice. [Blind Spot] Secrets kill relationships. A secret is defined as something done, made, or co
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Jerry Clark
- May 5, 2022
- 1 min
Taking your temperature
Do you check the temperature of someone else to get a read on what is going on or what you allow in your life, your mind, your business, and your relationships? [Blind Spot] We need to learn to take our own temperature and figure out how we are doing regardless of how anyone else is acting. I don’t find out how I am doing by taking your temperature. Even if everyone is out of sorts or upset you can still be okay, not feel like you need to adjust to accommodate or allow them t
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Jerry Clark
- May 3, 2022
- 2 min
Giving too much
From doing, doing, doing, being the go-to person, never charging what you are worth, or the free shoulder for everyone to cry on, “giving too much” can lead to unhealthy parasitic relationships. Generally, givers are people who enjoy being asked if they can help and get satisfaction by giving. The most confounding characteristic of a giver is their inability to recognize “takers”; the people, situations, social structures, and institutions that pursue and attach to them. [Bli
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Jerry Clark
- May 1, 2022
- 2 min
Locus of Control
I was late for work because the traffic was sooooo bad… I did not get the promotion because the boss does not support me... We lost the game because the ump made awful calls… I cannot go to the movies because it is too expensive… OR... I was late for work because I did not allow for traffic… I did not get the promotion because I did not demonstrate what I was truly capable of… We lost the game because we did not play well…. I cannot go to the movies because I did not budget e
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Jerry Clark
- Apr 28, 2022
- 2 min
Just breathe...
I know your to-do list is likely close by and packed with tasks. It is a very ‘busy’ day, just like yesterday and the day before. Busyness can be the blind spot keeping us from recognizing what we desperately need. Billy Graham once said, “Give me five minutes with a person’s checkbook, and I will tell you where their heart is.” I will be so bold as to say the same about your calendar. Time is the greatest gift we have because it is the only thing we will never get back. Some
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Jerry Clark
- Apr 26, 2022
- 2 min
Sometimes you have to be your own hero
I love working with people, especially people who desire to have something much better than what they have been experiencing. I remember an example set by a young man some time ago. He had a difficult circumstance in his family and felt like he was not included or important as others. I will call him Jason. He was 12 when we began to discuss matters about feeling isolated and alone within his family. As I asked ‘gently curious’ questions pertaining to how he wanted his family
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Jerry Clark
- Apr 21, 2022
- 2 min
“Brutal Honesty” can be tricky
I have observed that honesty could stand to be more compassionate rather than brutal. Too many times caustic questions or statements are allowed to steer the mood of a conversation. Being honest has nothing to do with being angry, belittling, mean, or “letting off steam.” [Blind Spot] Every time we communicate, we are not just sharing the information we intend, we are making an indirect statement about how we view the relationship. This is why “brutal honesty” can be tricky.
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